"Hello to all the godless hell bound pagans who read this crappy blog. James Dobson here..."
"And Pat Robertson too! Don't forget me!"
"Zip it Pat. Listen to me people, I have a question for you. Ready?"
"Was that your question James?"
"No you idiot, this is my question: Are any of you listening to us anymore? Because it sure as hell doesn't look like it. If you were listening to us then you'd be voting the way we told you to damn it."
"I told them to vote for Rudy!"
"Robertson, if you don't shut that pie hole of yours I'll smote it for you. If you voted for that cross dressing Roman Catholic then you deserve to be excommunicated. I have been telling you people for weeks to vote for Huckabee and yet you keep voting for McCain. Why is that? Is it because Huckabee is an inbred idiot? Well of course he is but who cares, so is our current President. And so what if he married his half sister? The man is a minister and you people need to vote for him now. Stop screwing around and do what I tell you, I mean it. I've got to go count all the money my church took in this past Sunday so I'm gonna let some folks from Square America tell you about what a swell guy Huckabee is and what an ass McCain is. You people better listen to them or you'll be making me and Reich wing Jesus mad!"
"I'm not from Square America but I'm voting for Huckabee anyways. And you know what else? I'm squirting out this baby sometime before November and he or she is gonna vote for Huckabee too!"
"John McCain wants to force me to give my cake recipes to the Viet Cong. He turned into their puppet when he was in the Hanoi Hilton and he cracked under the pressure of torture, I heard that on Rush Limbaugh. Everything he does is to bring the godless Viet Cong glory!"
"My 'roids are killing me. Leave me the hell alone."
"And Pat Robertson too! Don't forget me!" "Zip it Pat. Listen to me people, I have a question for you. Ready?""Was that your question James?"
"No you idiot, this is my question: Are any of you listening to us anymore? Because it sure as hell doesn't look like it. If you were listening to us then you'd be voting the way we told you to damn it."
"I told them to vote for Rudy!"
"Robertson, if you don't shut that pie hole of yours I'll smote it for you. If you voted for that cross dressing Roman Catholic then you deserve to be excommunicated. I have been telling you people for weeks to vote for Huckabee and yet you keep voting for McCain. Why is that? Is it because Huckabee is an inbred idiot? Well of course he is but who cares, so is our current President. And so what if he married his half sister? The man is a minister and you people need to vote for him now. Stop screwing around and do what I tell you, I mean it. I've got to go count all the money my church took in this past Sunday so I'm gonna let some folks from Square America tell you about what a swell guy Huckabee is and what an ass McCain is. You people better listen to them or you'll be making me and Reich wing Jesus mad!"
"I'm not from Square America but I'm voting for Huckabee anyways. And you know what else? I'm squirting out this baby sometime before November and he or she is gonna vote for Huckabee too!""John McCain wants to force me to give my cake recipes to the Viet Cong. He turned into their puppet when he was in the Hanoi Hilton and he cracked under the pressure of torture, I heard that on Rush Limbaugh. Everything he does is to bring the godless Viet Cong glory!""My 'roids are killing me. Leave me the hell alone."
"Can McCain do this? Can he look like a gopher? Hell no he can't and that's why I'm voting for Huckabee."
"I'm waiting for the Blair Witch so I have no opinion one way or another."
"We're ass over tits for Huckabee! His wife, Jethrine, is our hero!"
"You kids get the hell away from my trailer! I'll shoot everyone of you if you mess with me."
"Yo, ya'll could live to be a million and you'd never be as big a playa as me. Me and my foxxxy lady will be voting for Obama and then we'll be making sweet sweet love while we sip some Boone's Farm wine."
"That's all for now. I've got to finish my work out. I need to bulk up so I can whoop Dobson's ass one of these days. Praise Jesus!"
4 comments:
Holy Jesus fuck!
You covered all the bases there of Huckabee's supporters. I didn't know Dalisa was voting for him. (Figgers, 'cause them preachers is hot.)
Monkey, you've got one bad case of cabin fever.
but I'm glad of it 'cuz you're cracking me up.
Holy shit, Monkey, I've got tears running down my face right now, and people at work are starting to notice.
Man, that was fecking hilarious.
I'd like to see Dobson and Robertson get in a slap fight! That'd be cool!
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