Monday, February 25, 2008

Inappropriate crush # 6743

Dottie Ann Partypants

Read Dottie's story here.
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Dottie reminds me of a woman I knew when I was a young boy of about 11. Her name was Ardyce, it's pronounced Ar-duss, and she was an aged friend of Aunt Rageholic. I'll always have a soft spot for Ardyce because one day when I missed the school bus home because I ran to the store after the last bell rang so I could buy some forbidden candy she gave me a ride home. We lived out in the country about 15 or so miles from town, in those days town was Howell, Michigan. I did know what I was going to do and I knew I was going to get a whipping for missing the bus, then it hit me, Ardyce! So I walked to her apartment in Howell and I knocked on her door. It took her a minute to remember who I was and as soon as she did I went into my best scared little kid routine and I whimpered that I needed a ride home.
She quickly succumbed to my evil plans. She smiled, patted me on the head, and got her purse and her driving glasses and off we went to her car, which I believe was a Ford Falcon. She drove along at a blistering 35 miles an hour and she kept telling what a good boy I was all the way back to the farm. When we finally got there she pulled out a couple of quarters from her huge black vinyl purse and gave them to me for being so nice and respectful. I jumped out of her car and I took in a lung full of fresh air, Ardyce was one of those old ladies who stank of moth balls and coffee. I thanked her for the lift and for the money and I ran off to do my homework before Aunt Rageholic could get mad at me.
Thanks again Ardyce, where ever you are, thanks again for the ride and the loot. I spent that money on baseball cards the next day.

8 comments:

kelsi said...

i can't tell you how much i enjoyed this story. it would only have been made better if ardyce had been actively drinking a martini while driving you home.

Fran said...

She looks so dang familiar that one in the photo...

Great Monkey-life story as usual.

And I can smell the stinky moth balls and coffee scent. Ick.

Synthaetica said...

great story.

mmmm....i love the smell of mothballs and coffee in the morning!

er....NOT!

Mnmom said...

Just goes to show, there are more good folks in the world than bad.

Deepti said...

"Dottie Ann Partypants"... I'm giggling like a five year old

Claire said...

Dottie WOULD have been drinking a martini, so I'm glad she wasn't the one who drove you home.

Whiskeymarie said...

Yeah, that Dottie's usually blotto. Good thing Ardyce drove.

dguzman said...

I think Ardyce lived next to us when I was a kid. Only my Ardyce smelled of mothballs, coffee, and chapstick (the black tube/pink goop original kind). And she had a mustache. And her name was Mrs. Haynes.