Today's Christian cult news

Gang of grizzled old homosexuals tries to keep other gays and lesbians from marrying. How very hypocritical of them.

So long Beijing

The Olympics are over for a couple of years and now it's time to look forward to Vancouver and to London. I have nothing but faith in the Canadian Olympic organizing committee and I'm sure that Vancouver in 2010 will be ready and it will be splendid. But after seeing the weak ass show London put on at the closing ceremony in Beijing however, I'm scared for the citizens of London. That whole parade of nonsense looked nothing but sad in comparison to the spectacle China had just put on.

Seriously, London Olympic committee, what were you thinking? You started fine with the iconic double decker bus but then you accosted our eyes with those dancers in those funky outfits? Really? You follow up your national icon with bad modern dancers? Then you put that gorgeous toffee colored singer next to a ninety nine year old Jimmy Page? That whole segment creeped me out. It looked like Page kept moistening his lips so he could get them ready to suck her youthful energetic blood in order that he may live another 1000 lifetimes. Thanks London IOC, now I know what it must look like after he manages to snare a groupie and he gets her into his room at Motel 6. As if all that wasn't enough, you pulled out your trump card in the form of David Beckham, a soccer player who doesn't even play his football in England anymore and who may not even be on the national team when the games get to your city. Wow. What the heck London, did you not think anyone outside of Stoke-on-Trent knew who someone like Wayne Rooney was? Dang why not next time just throw your entire country's soccer players under the double decker bus and make Pele your symbol because gosh darn it, people know who he is and he played that soccer game in that movie with Stallone and Michael Caine and they beat the Nazi's and won WW2 for you guys.

London, you guys got problems, I hope you get them worked out soon. If you need help I'm only a phone call away.

Oh hang on, has the bitching about London getting the games commenced yet? Are you people who bitched about China's human rights record going to bitch about London having the games? Are you going to organize boycotts because a country that pretty much subjugated the whole world at one point and who had a horrible human rights record in it's affairs with Africa, Iraq, and India is going to host the games? Are you people going to write furious blog posts about how a country that helped the USA invade a sovereign Iraq and has helped torture innocent peoples in the war of terror shouldn't be allowed to host the Olympics? Or has your indignation meter petered out now that those wily crafty red Chinese have finished hosting the games? Are you going to remain silent on all the bad things Britain has done and still does because the Brits look like us and we happen to speak the same language?

Well? I'm waiting for your answer.

Yeah, that's what I thought. Your outrage only extends to Asians and or Africans. And maybe to those dang brown skinned rag heads who live in the Middle East on top of all our oil too.

Okay, so the games are done and now we've got a few new Olympic heroes. Bolt, Torres, whoever won the modern pentathlon, that muscle bound chick who threw that thing that went real far, yeah I'll never forget any of them. But before you, and I'm talking to you Bob Costas, crown Michael Phelps king of all Olympians because he won 8 gold medals, I'd like to remind you about the greatest Olympian ever.

Her name is Sonja Henie. Don't remember her you say? Or you remember her as the butt of a joke on an episode of M*A*S*H? What makes Henie the greatest ever is the following:

• She skated in the first ever winter Olympics in 1924 at the tender age of 11. That's right, you read that right. She was 11. When you and I were 11 we were learning how to tie our shoes and how to piss without getting it all over us, when Sonja was 11 she was skating in the Olympics. Sure she finished dead last and at one point in her routine she had to go over and ask her coach which figure to skate next but that fact that did it at all is nothing short of amazing.
• In 1928 she won the gold medal in ladies figure skating. After finishing dead last in the previous Olympics she wins the next one, at the age of 15 no less.
• In 1932 she skated in her third winter Olympics. And she won a gold medal again. She not only won the gold medal, she crushed her competitors as she did it. And she performed open heart surgery on three orphans in her spare time. Okay I made that last bit up, I was just seeing if you were still paying attention.
• In 1936 she skated in her fourth Olympics and guess what? She won another gold medal. Boo ya, take that Michelle Kwan, and all you other little girls who skate in one or two Olympics and then leave for the bright lights and big money of the Sid and Marty Kroft's Ice-Capdes and All Beef Buffet. Henie won three gold medals in figure skating in three straight Olympic games, that's a feat that will never ever be repeated by anyone, male or female.
• And when she retired Sonja went on to make movies where her character was more often than not a figure skater but what's important about her film career was that she put aside money she earned from it and she used that money to open a museum of contemporary art. In other words boys and girls, she used her fame and fortune not to get dicked by drunk drug addicted syphilitic boy toys or to feed a massive out of control Madonna sized ego, nope, not at all. She instead used her money to enrich the lives of others.

So call me when Michael Phelps takes all that cash he's getting from his record 8 gold medals and he starts a free hospital for kids with AIDS or if he funds a pool in the inner city in perpetuity so that disadvantaged kids can have a shot at Olympic glory. Oh yeah, will you also call me when he can go back in time and compete when he's 11 and then when he wins gold in three consecutive Olympiads? When he does all that then I might consider him the greatest Olympian ever. But until he does, I'll just stick him in the greatest Olympian male swimmer ever slot. How's that suit you Mikey?

What's the one thing Republicans fear most of all?

Conservatives thinks soldiers are stupid

Did you see this yet?



Some douchebag, and I'm sorry to insult douchebags by calling this asshole a douchebag but the name seems to fit him nicely, a conservative former Montana State Senator ripped into one of the recently killed soldiers from his home state who helped write the anti-surge editorial in the New York Times recently.

Appalling isn't it? He not only insults the intelligence of our soldiers, he attacks a dead man who can not speak to defend himself. That's something we've come to expect from Ann Coulter and her BFF Roosh Limbo. They specialize in attacking people who can't or won't fight them back. If anyone in Montana reads this blog, do us all a favor and kick that chickenhawk Dave Rye's ass for us. Shit, hang on, an ass whipping is too good for that scum, he should be horse whipped, be prodded with a hot poker, and then tossed into a pit so people can piss, spit, and vomit on his sorry ass. Rye must be bucking for a job at FOX Noise or on right wing radio or maybe he's trying our new material for his gig at the KKK Klubhouse in Helena, Montana.


Speaking as someone who's family has served in the military (my Uncle Bob served in the Navy and my late brother Charlie also served in the Navy) and who joined the military but had to drop out for medical reasons, I may hate this war but I'm not about to attack dead soldiers for what our Idiot in Chief has put them through. They had every reason they'd be sent to fight based on sound reasons, not the lies we've been fed from day one. Our men and women who are fighting Bush's oily revenge war deserve far better than they're getting from the ass clowns in DC and now in Montana.



Hey Rye, if you're such a hot shot and you know so damn much, how about you come say that shit about that dead soldier to me. If you did I'd knock some sense into that fat head of yours with Puff, my magic 6 iron. In fact that goes for all you soldier hatin' right wing chicken hawks, especially you Ted Nugent and all you intellectual piss ants at the National Review. Uh oh, now Ted is gonna denounce me on FOX and then threaten to shove his "gun" up my ass, I guess I better go cower in a corner, NOT.

McCain is off in the deep end

It seems that our old, and I mean old in the worst possible sense of the word, friend John McCain has gone off the deep end again. You remember the last time the old nut bag spewed up his craziness, he said that he could walk through the streets of Baghdad without an armed escort. He was then proven wrong in about .234549097007007 seconds.

Hey man, smell my fingers.

Well this time around ol' Johnny We Wish We Never Knew Ye has been clamoring about the war once again. He says that since the Democrats in Congress can't shove through a withdrawal plan and end the war without Republican help then their anti war message is losing it's appeal to the man/woman in the street. He went on to claim that because now that the Democrats are seeking a compromise with some Republicans to end the war that it means that they recognize that they are losing because they would never reach across the aisle unless they were desperate.


The poor old guy is delusional and his Alzhiemers has flared up again. Reaching across the aisle and getting things done by compromising is the way things work in Congress. Seeking to do those things does not mean that the people seeking compromise are weak or are losing, it means they want to actually get off their asses and do the people's business. The stupid old git actually has fallen for the Bush/Rove fallacy that compromise means caving in the Reich wing position on everything. As bad a President as Reagan was he knew that he'd get nothing done if he did not work and compromise with the Democrat held Congress. Republicans like McCain have been in office so long they actaully have begun to believe that compromise with their fellow Americans is a bad thing. It's times like these that make me wish I supported term limits.


The arrogance of his statements leave me stunned, especially considering that they came from a man who wants to be our next President.

I can only hope that the next time McCain goes off the deep end that he actually goes into the deep end of the pool and not into the deep end of his craziness. And I hope his wife is standing by in a bikini so I can oogle her while they fish out her nut bag husband.

I want to thank...

Football season is on us and that means that the Major League Baseball playoffs will soon be here and between all those football and playoff baseball games there's going to be a lot of players thanking god and the baby jeebus for letting them win and do all their great athletic stuff.


But you know what? I throw up in my mouth a little when I hear one of those over paid assholes spew that crap. Now don't get me wrong, if they want to believe in whatever religion they believe in that's fine by me. What is not fine by me is when they make a point of publicly thanking god for only the good things they do on the field or on the court. They never thank god for that pitch that knocked them off the plate or for the time they struck out with men in scoring position. They thank the tiny baby jeebus for letting them score that touchdown or making that field goal but they never thank him when they get the wind knocked out of them on that busted play or for that dropped pass in the end zone in sudden death over time. No Bible thumpin' jock ever thanks god for a loss or when they get caught beating their wife or when they get caught using illegal drugs. It's fucking hypocrisy plain and simple.


Before my heart attack the gf and I played tennis 3 or 4 times a week and when we weren't playing tennis we would watch tennis on TV, usually the Grand Slam tournaments (Austrailian Open, French Open, Wimbledon, US Open) and we'd watch obsessively while we rooted for the underdogs. When the Williams sisters started winning we cheered for them but our elation quickly soured when they first words our of their mouths in the post match interviews were usually "I just want to thank my Jehovah for this great win." And then they usually derided their opponents and if they lost they would never give their opponents any credit, they'd say they beat themselves and that their opponent really was not that talented.


The other night after Justine Henin whipped her, Serena got snippy in the post match interview and she said that she'd rather not talk about the match she just lost.

Also there was no thanking of her Jehovah, nor were there any words of praise for any other member of the christian trinity. It seems that her god only brings good things and therefore only gets praise when she wins or does something really good.


Or maybe she and all those other blowhard jocks who credit god with helping them win are full of bull shit. Yeah, that's probably it.

And now a few words from Senator Larry Craig REPUBLICAN from Idaho

Good afternoon. I just wanted to tell you once again that I am not gay. As you can see my fine ladywife is here next to me and she is one hot piece of womanhood.

Why would I want to have sex with men, hard bodied well muscled men who emit a sexy musky aroma of hot passion, when I have this lady in my life? She is more than I want, or need. I love kissing her and touching her ladywife boobies and putting my hot swollen man meat between her legs. I do not like the touch of another man, nor do I care for a well rounded man ass that is slightly hairy and oh so tempting. I also do not care for the thought of taking a man like I do my lovely ladywife. I never ever want a man to take me sexually either. No, I do not want a man to kiss me roughly and to turn me around with all his might and to bend me over. I do not want him to then scream out, "I'm going to drive you all the way to Washington DC you big sexy stud." And I promise you I do not want to meet his every thrust with my willing and oh so tender backside. I do not want man seed deep in my anal cavity. No, that is not what I want at all. I want my ladywife to pleasure me in the approved Christian manner. That is what all real Christian Republican men want. We never want sex in public restrooms unless it is forced on us by undercover officers, big strapping sexy black men, and or kinky college students who like to call me "Daddy."

Now if you will excuse us, all this talk about hot man on man sex has gotten me a little randy and so I must go and ravish my ladywife. I must go put my member in her thingy and I will kiss her boobs as well.
Just keep walking and keep your mouth closed kind ladywife of mine, I think they bought it. I really think I got away with it.