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I guess Laura Bush is still too hungover after her daughter's wedding to castigate the Chinese government about the way they're handling the earthquake over there. Maybe when she sobers up she'll shoot some of her bitch venom at the Chinese the way she did at the junta who runs Myanmar. Or maybe someone will tell her how her husband fucked up the response to Hurricane Katrina and how he refused to let international help filter down to the people of New Orleans when they needed it most.

Or, and this is the most likely scenario, she'll just blabber on like the out of touch uncaring war mongering lush she is. Yep, that's most likey what she'll do.

And now, here's a very special guest post by Mae Webb Stephens

Hi everyone! Mae Webb Stephens campground cook, creationist, committed Christian and anti Communist here. I guess I owe the liberal surrender monkey a note of thanks for letting me come back to do this post, so here you go Mr. Good For Nothin' Liberal, 'Thanks!"

Now, instead of Monkey Von ShouldBeUsedInLabExperiments doing one of his high falutin' cooking posts, I'm going to do one for you. Well, that's not strictly true because I'm not actually going to cook anything because my lady parts are acting up something fierce and I need to lay down on my lucky lawn chair for a while. So since I got this gig on Dr. Dumb Dumb's blog, I figured I better do something with it so I invited a lovely God fearing, Jesus loving, gay hatin' lady like me in to do the cooking. It wasn't easy for me to get her here, so ya'll be real nice and give her a big hand for dropping by! Here she is, Mrs. Cindy McCain, the hopefully next First Lady of the US of A!
Thank you Mae. It's a pleasure to be here. You just lay back on your lovely lawn chair and I'll show everyone how to cook up my favorite seafood dish of all time, 'Cindy Style Ahi Tuna!'

Hang on.

What? What is it? Why are you interrupting Cindy?

Yes, what is it Mr. Chimperstein?

It's 'Monkerstein.' Is this another recipe you stole off the Food Network website?

Well...uh...er...ah...uh....

Why are you embarrassing her? Can't you see it's really her recipe?

I'm not so sure. But Mae is right. There's no need to embarrass you in front of my readers. Tell ya what Cin-ster, if you swiped this recipe just raise your hand. No need to say anything out loud, just raise your hand and I promise not to mock you as I kick you off my blog.

I knew it! You recipe stealing, no shame having old tart! You're as bad as your dumb ass husband, both of you steal other peoples work and try to pass it off as your own. Get out of here you shameless old fraud!

Monkey! You promised you'd be nice.

Screw that. It's my blog reputation she almost ruined. Good riddance to her.

You ruined my guest post. I'm gonna pray extra hard that the baby Jesus smites you with his holy rattle. And then I'm gonna tell the John Birch Society all about you and your little blog. How do you like them apples?

The likelihood of you doing another guest post is diminishing with every word you speak.

When Satan's minions are raping you for all eternity I will be suckling the baby Jesus and laughing my righteous ass off at you.

You sure know how to sweet talk a monkey don't you?

First Lady Fun

I give her idiot husband a hard time a lot on this blog and with the news that she has more input in the administration that people think, it's time I gave Pickles the Monkerstein treatment too.

Hey Laura how many vodka tonics have you had this morning?

*******

"Georgie likes it...

when Ah fist him like this."

*******
"Ah like 'em this big...

but unfortunately for me Georgie is hung like a squirrel."

*******

"That's right, send 4000 pizzas...
to Nancy Pelosi's office."

Mrs. Senator Larry Craig's Tips For Wives

Greetings to all you lawfully wedded wives out in Blog World! It's a treat for me to come before you today to share my tips on how to keep your hubby's from straying from your home and marital bed. As you know the liberal media, the gays and Lebanese, and the surrender monkey Democrat cry babies are trying to make everyone think my hot stud muffin Larry is gay, but in reality nothing could be further from the truth. He's one hot pistol packin' partner who loves to make love to me, his lovely ladywife, and we do it all the time! Sometimes as much as three for four times a year!

I know some of you don't have it as good as I do so I want to share with you the many ways I keep my man happy and at home most nights. Ready? Excellent! Let's get started.

1) Don't wear too much make up but do get that hair done! My Larry loves me looking like this, all freshly coiffed and lady like!

2) Be nice when his friends come by for a visit.

Here's a shot of us with Larry's good friend Dirty Sanchez. He comes to see us quite a bit. Larry really likes him!

3) They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach so I have become quite the cook! Here's a peek in my grocery basket. As you can tell Larry and I like our sweets and our meats!

4) Give your husband a "play room" where he and his manly friends can relax and have fun together.

5) Don't be afraid to give your hard working husband some space and perhaps even let him go fishing or on vacation with his best friend sometimes.
That's all I have time for now, I've got to go join my friends at the Pocatello Prescription Pill Pop-a-torium and Potent Potables Pageant. It's grapefruit juice and grain alcohol night so I don't want to be late! Ta ta now!

McCain is off in the deep end

It seems that our old, and I mean old in the worst possible sense of the word, friend John McCain has gone off the deep end again. You remember the last time the old nut bag spewed up his craziness, he said that he could walk through the streets of Baghdad without an armed escort. He was then proven wrong in about .234549097007007 seconds.

Hey man, smell my fingers.

Well this time around ol' Johnny We Wish We Never Knew Ye has been clamoring about the war once again. He says that since the Democrats in Congress can't shove through a withdrawal plan and end the war without Republican help then their anti war message is losing it's appeal to the man/woman in the street. He went on to claim that because now that the Democrats are seeking a compromise with some Republicans to end the war that it means that they recognize that they are losing because they would never reach across the aisle unless they were desperate.


The poor old guy is delusional and his Alzhiemers has flared up again. Reaching across the aisle and getting things done by compromising is the way things work in Congress. Seeking to do those things does not mean that the people seeking compromise are weak or are losing, it means they want to actually get off their asses and do the people's business. The stupid old git actually has fallen for the Bush/Rove fallacy that compromise means caving in the Reich wing position on everything. As bad a President as Reagan was he knew that he'd get nothing done if he did not work and compromise with the Democrat held Congress. Republicans like McCain have been in office so long they actaully have begun to believe that compromise with their fellow Americans is a bad thing. It's times like these that make me wish I supported term limits.


The arrogance of his statements leave me stunned, especially considering that they came from a man who wants to be our next President.

I can only hope that the next time McCain goes off the deep end that he actually goes into the deep end of the pool and not into the deep end of his craziness. And I hope his wife is standing by in a bikini so I can oogle her while they fish out her nut bag husband.

A Faustian deal

"Okay, here's the deal young lady. You can have all the money, power, fame, jewels, clothes, rich food, nice cars, fabulous homes, international travel, wild parties, anything you can imagine that money can buy will be yours...




...if and only if you are willing to let a dirty, greedy, disgusting, ruthless, uncaring, unfeeling, political reactionary who is never sated in his lust for more power, more money, more possessions stick parts of his jaundiced rancid old body in you for his pleasure. Do we have a deal?"


Hmmmm. Thinking. Thinking.

Oh why the heck not. Sure, lets do it.

"Okay, it's your funeral."

Wait! I change my mind! I want out of this deal!

"Too late. You made your bed, now lie in in it and suffer for all eternity!!!! Hahahahaha."

"Hey Ya'll...

...theys a bunch of black people livin' in Africa. Did ya'll know that? I didn't." Do us all a favor and revoke Pickles passport please.

Now all I need...

...is a bucket of lube and for George to bend over and I've got myself a fun night!

Laura Bush is the new Maria Von Trapp

We saw this over at TN Guerilla Women's blog. We had to post it here as well because it is so damn funny. And you people thought she was just a brain dead Stepford wife all these years, shame on you.

Happy Mother's Day Laura Bush, or That's not banana in your pocket and I know damn well you aren't happy to see me

Ah Laura, it's that time of year again, that time of year when you get to celebrate being a mother. It's nice that you have such a lovely family.By the way, how are Jenna and The Other One? We hope they're fine and that our little Mother's Day greetings find you doing well as well. Honestly Laura, we just want to wish you a happy Mother's Day. And we are so sorry that you and Georgie Jr. suffer so much over the war.

Oh yeah, we nearly forgot, we also wanted to show you some people who will not be having a good Mother's Day and who we think suffer a hell of a lot more than you do over the fucking war your husband dragged this country into. So here we go sugar, you pay close attention now, ok Laura?

This British woman lost her son in the war. We'd be willing to bet she suffers everyday over losing her child.

This woman lost her son in the war on Afghanistan and then some guys who work for your husband covered up the facts surrounding his death. We doubt she's going to have a good Mother's Day. And her suffering over the war will probably be just a tad more than yours.

This Iraqi woman won't be having a such a nice Mother's Day either. Her son got killed in crossfire between US troops and insurgents. And that was after your husband declared that the war on Iraq was over and that we had won.

Here's a few more Iraqi women who won't be having a good Mother's Day. Their family members got killed in the war.

And we're not sure if this kid even has a mother left.

And we're pretty damn sure that the women who gave birth to the soldiers in these coffins will be having a lousy Mother's Day. And we're pretty certain that their suffering is off the charts compared to yours.

But we are nothing if not magnanimous here at Monkey Muck HQ, so we hope you don't suffer too much over the war this Sunday and that you have a super duper Mother's Day with the your family. And thank goodness that none of them have been brutally murdered in a misguided war.

Really? NO ONE suffers more?

In an incredible interview with the lovely Ann Curry of NBC News Laura Bush, seen above wearing a head covering inside a mosque and most likely collaborating with Al Qaeda, declared that no one suffers more than she and the president do over the war.


WOW.

Are you sure about that Laura? No one suffers more than you and your Idiot in Chief hubby?
What drugs are you on? Were you drunk when you said that?

Here is a list of people that suffer more than you do due to the war your husband foisted on the rest of the world:

1) The hundreds of thousands of innocent dead Iraqis. They suffered more than you and they paid the ultimate price just so your husband can fulfill his obligation to the oil companies and avenge his daddy.
2) The families of the hundreds of thousands of Iraqi dead. Tell the mothers of the children who died as a result of the bombings that you suffer more than they do, tell the people who lost their spouses that crap Laura, tell it to the thousands of children you and your hubby orphaned.
3) Our dead troops. When you tell them that you suffer more than they do, try telling them again why we went to war in the first place, oh wait, you can't tell them a damn thing, they're dead because of your husband.
4) The families of our dead troops. Yeah, you suffer more than these people, your daughters are still alive and Jeebus knows the shame they must bring you. Good thing these people don't have to worry about their dead kids causing them shame or embarrassment anymore.
5) The thousands of thousands of people permanently maimed due to the war. When you tell this group of people that you suffer more than they do you may have to speak up, some of them are deaf, or legless, or have stumps where their arms used to be, or they may not be able to hear you due to the fact that they have massive brain injuries.
6) The thousands of thousands of people who will suffer mental problems due to the war.
7) The millions of people across the world who hate your husband for dragging the world into a war for oil.

Jeebus Cripes woman, how fucking dumb do you think people are? You don't suffer near as much as anyone I just mentioned. Oh wait, maybe you do suffer greatly, after all you are married to that monster. But on the other hand, I bet you deserve each other. Two disgusting rich white pigs who are divorced from reality, yep you two were a match made in christian heaven.