It's official, these assholes have me made hate the Olympics.
Fuck London.
Fuck the whores of the corporations.
Fuck Ralph Lauren.
Showing posts with label the Olympics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the Olympics. Show all posts
Friday, July 13, 2012
Thursday, May 20, 2010
WTF London?
The organizers of the 2012 London Olympics unveiled their official mascots for the games.
They love spotted dick over there
but they didn't choose it to be their mascot.
Also not chosen was the honored British packet of fun known as the soccer hooligan:
You'd think then surely they'd go with the British binge drinker,
but you'd be wrong.
In the end it came down to
the Victorian era street urchin,
Kate Beckinsale's boobs,
and upper class inbred twits.
But in a move that shocked everyone, except for Ali G,
They love spotted dick over there
but they didn't choose it to be their mascot.Also not chosen was the honored British packet of fun known as the soccer hooligan:
You'd think then surely they'd go with the British binge drinker,
but you'd be wrong.In the end it came down to
the Victorian era street urchin,
Kate Beckinsale's boobs,
and upper class inbred twits. But in a move that shocked everyone, except for Ali G,
they went with the multi colored Cyclops penises with claws.
Well done London 2012 Olympic committee!
Well done London 2012 Olympic committee!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Olympic Profiles-The Gal With A Little Something Extra
Meet Stella Walsh:
She was born in Poland in 1911 and her name before it got Americanized when she came to the USA was Stanislawa Walasiewiczowna. Stella moved to the USA with her parents at the tender age of 3. As she grew and became assimilated to her new home she took to athletics, particularly track and field events. By the time she graduated high school it was obvious that she was a world class sprinter. She was considered the fastest woman in the world in the early 1930's.
As the 1932 Olympics in Los Angeles neared Stella's life took an eventful turn. She wanted very badly to compete in the games for her adopted country, the USA, but since she would not be 21, the age when it was legal back then to become a naturalized citizen, by the time the women's track and field trials were going to be held the United States Olympic Committee told her she was ineligible to compete for the USA.
But even as things looked bleak, Stella was not to be denied a spot in those games in LA. The Polish government asked if she'd like to compete for her birth country and Stella readily agreed. She not only won gold in the 100 meter dash in 1932, she set a world record in doing so.
However it was in the Berlin games of 1936 where she was to make her biggest mark.
She was born in Poland in 1911 and her name before it got Americanized when she came to the USA was Stanislawa Walasiewiczowna. Stella moved to the USA with her parents at the tender age of 3. As she grew and became assimilated to her new home she took to athletics, particularly track and field events. By the time she graduated high school it was obvious that she was a world class sprinter. She was considered the fastest woman in the world in the early 1930's.As the 1932 Olympics in Los Angeles neared Stella's life took an eventful turn. She wanted very badly to compete in the games for her adopted country, the USA, but since she would not be 21, the age when it was legal back then to become a naturalized citizen, by the time the women's track and field trials were going to be held the United States Olympic Committee told her she was ineligible to compete for the USA.
But even as things looked bleak, Stella was not to be denied a spot in those games in LA. The Polish government asked if she'd like to compete for her birth country and Stella readily agreed. She not only won gold in the 100 meter dash in 1932, she set a world record in doing so.
However it was in the Berlin games of 1936 where she was to make her biggest mark.
Stella was widely favored to repeat her winning ways in the 100 meter dash in Germany in 1936 but she ran into an obstacle named Helen Stephens, aka The Fulton Flash. For some reason Walsh felt compelled to spread the rumor that Stephens was actually a man. You see, back in those days before sophisticated gender testing the rule was that if a person had male sex organs then they were classified as a man, even if they also had a vagina as well, and they were not allowed to compete in the women's Olympic events. So almost from the start of the games Walsh was telling anyone who would listen that Stephens was really a man and that she had a penis. When they ran against each other in the 100 meter dash Stephens easily outran Walsh.
That's Stella on the left and Stephens on the right in the above photo.
That's Stella on the left and Stephens on the right in the above photo.As soon as the race was over Walsh cried foul. She said that no woman could have run that race as fast as Helen Stephens had just done so therefore she must have been a man. She and the Polish Olympic Committee demanded that Stephens be checked to see if she had a penis. In order to put the controversy to bed Stephens agreed and an impartial German doctor examined her. After seeing Ms. Stephens in her birthday suit, the German doctor quickly came to the conclusion that she was indeed a woman. Walsh was unhappy with the results of the physical given Stephens but she had to abide by the results.
Walsh competed as an amateur in track and field events until 1954. After 1954 she still did track and field events but only if she got paid. And since in those days one could not make a living off running, jumping, and throwing heavy metal objects and spears she took a job with the parks and recreation department in Cleveland, Ohio. She lived a quiet life through out the 1960's and '70's, even marrying for a brief period, and was elected into the US Track and Field Hall of Fame in 1975.
The final chapter of Stella's life was written in December 1980. She was doing a bit of shopping in a Cleveland area shopping center when she was struck and killed by a stray bullet that was fired during the commission of a robbery.
But her story does not end there.
The autopsy on Stella revealed that she had a penis. That's right, Stella, by the definition used by the International Olympic Committee in the 1930's, and up until very recently by the way, was a man. It turned out that Stella suffered from a medical condition called mosaicism, which is a condition where a person has both male and female genitalia and they possess both XX and XY chromosomes. So in the light of that information it's apparent why Walsh so loudly accused Helen Stephens of being a man, she did it to throw off any suspicions that might be cast her way. I imagine that she took evey precaution she could to keep anyone and everyone from getting a glimpse at her 'little something extra.' One can also easily see now why her marriage did not last. Some people cried for all her records to be wiped out since she had 'cheated' but cooler heads prevailed and she was allowed to keep in death what she had worked so hard for in life.
Walsh competed as an amateur in track and field events until 1954. After 1954 she still did track and field events but only if she got paid. And since in those days one could not make a living off running, jumping, and throwing heavy metal objects and spears she took a job with the parks and recreation department in Cleveland, Ohio. She lived a quiet life through out the 1960's and '70's, even marrying for a brief period, and was elected into the US Track and Field Hall of Fame in 1975.
The final chapter of Stella's life was written in December 1980. She was doing a bit of shopping in a Cleveland area shopping center when she was struck and killed by a stray bullet that was fired during the commission of a robbery.
But her story does not end there.
The autopsy on Stella revealed that she had a penis. That's right, Stella, by the definition used by the International Olympic Committee in the 1930's, and up until very recently by the way, was a man. It turned out that Stella suffered from a medical condition called mosaicism, which is a condition where a person has both male and female genitalia and they possess both XX and XY chromosomes. So in the light of that information it's apparent why Walsh so loudly accused Helen Stephens of being a man, she did it to throw off any suspicions that might be cast her way. I imagine that she took evey precaution she could to keep anyone and everyone from getting a glimpse at her 'little something extra.' One can also easily see now why her marriage did not last. Some people cried for all her records to be wiped out since she had 'cheated' but cooler heads prevailed and she was allowed to keep in death what she had worked so hard for in life.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Olympic Profiles-The Fastest Jew On Ice
With the Winter Games in Vancouver just a little over six months away I've already got a bad case of Olympic fever! Yes, it's true I love the Olympics. And I love the Olympiads that are held in the Americas most of all. In fact, I love them so much that I began writing, and may finish one day, a history of all the Olympiads that have been held in the Americas, and yes I am including the ones held in Canada and Mexico, because after all they are in the Americas too.
So to get you all in the Olympic state of mind, from time to time I'll be doing posts about some little known and unusual Olympians and Olympic events. And we begin this series with an excerpt from my unpublished history of the Olympiads that have been held in the Americas, which was tentatively titled American Spectacle, and the story of Irving Jaffee the fastest Jew on ice.
Jaffee was a nice Jewish boy from the streets of New York city who got into ice skating after winning multiple roller skating competitions and his Olympic story began in 1928 at the second winter Olympiad which was held in St. Moritz, Switzerland. Having just barely made the team, USOC speedskating officials felt he was not experienced enough to compete against the tougher Europeans, Jaffe was selected to skate in the long distance speed skating events, the 5000 and the 10,000 meter races. Proving his critics wrong Jaffe skated to a fourth place finish in the 5000 meter race. In fact he finished just two tenths of a second slower than the bronze medal winner.
When it came time to run the 10,000 meter race then, Jaffe was ready and rarin’ to go. When it was his turn to skate he took off like a shot and he skated magnificently. He skated so well in fact that he was in the lead, the races in 1928 were held under what was called the European system which meant that the skater were competing against the clock and not against one another, what that meant then was whoever skated the race in the shortest amount of time was the winner. Soon after he finished his brilliant 10,000 meter run Jaffee felt, as did everyone else in St. Moritz that day, the temperature rise dramatically. It rose so fast in fact that the ice on the outdoor rink began to melt.
The Olympic skating officials halted the race. They told the other skaters that as soon as conditions permitted they would be able to complete their runs. It soon became clear however that the freakishly warm weather that settled in over those games in 1928 was not going anywhere anytime soon. The skating officials then declared that since he had finished his race with the fastest time that Jaffee was the winner of the 10,000 meter race.
The next day they changed their minds. No doubt that after they slept on it they saw how unfair it was to the other skaters who had been robbed of their chance to go up against Jaffee’s time by the warm weather. They decided that since not all competitors had had a chance to race there would no winner.
Howls of protest went up from the Untied States team and for his part Jaffee was crushed. He decided then and there that he would not only make the 1932 speed skating team but that he would also skate the 10,000 meter race in his home country and he would do his damnedest to win it. He said he had to, “Prove I wasn’t a fluke champion.”
And so he began a brutal training regimen when he got back to the States after the 1928 games, which were held in Lake Placid, New York. He trained hard for the four years that led up to the games. He hit the rink most every day and after he had finished his daily skate, he would jog or hike for another two hours after that. Jaffee claimed later that his teammates and even his coach Bill Taylor resented his work ethic, he said, “Taylor and the rest of the team claimed I was a show off because I worked so hard.” It’s an incredible statement when you think about it now because how many coaches these days would complain that their charges work too hard?
The first race for Jaffee then at those 1928 Olympics in his home state of New York was the 5000 meter. It was to be the first long distance race held under the new American system of racing using the qualifying heat method and in the race there were enough skaters to provide for two qualifying heats. The first heat saw Jaffee and Edward Murphy of the United States finish first and second, in third came the speed skating legend from Norway Ivar Ballangrud , and the fourth place finisher was Harry Smyth of Canada. Qualifying from the second heat were Bernt Evenson of Norway, Herbert Taylor of the USA, and a Canadians Bill Logan and Frank Stack.
The final race was, according to the New York Times, a snooze fest. “It bore much resemblance to a six-day bicycle race where every contestant is reluctant to take the lead,” they reported. All the skaters were content to plod along and to follow behind whoever was leading at the time. The race continued on slowly until the ninth lap when the skaters began to break out of their tight pack. Edward Murphy found himself in the lead and he stayed there as the other skaters began to make their move. Jaffee, who had been in fifth place, saw a hole in the pack and darted into it. He ended up in second behind the hard charging Murphy. Close behind the leaders were Ballangrud and Smyth. When Smyth made his move to pass the Norseman, they collided and their collision knocked both men off their stride. Jaffee took full advantage of the commotion as he sped up, passed Murphy about ten yards from the finish line, and won the race and the gold medal.
The next day the controversy over the American vs. European styles of racing came to a head. Things got so heated in fact that at one point the Canadians threatened to yank their team from the final race, the grueling 10,000 meter.
After the race officials saw how the skaters dilly-dallied in the 5000 meter race the day before they sent out a decree that in the 10,000 meter qualifying heats that each lap had to be completed in 45 seconds and that each man in the race had to “bear his share of the pace setting.” The skaters grumbled about this new rule and the heads of their national delegations watched the heats with interest.
From the start the qualifying heats were a disaster due to some skaters being disqualified for either not following the “pace setter” rule or for making illegal contact with one another in the race. After the disqualifications, in an act of international unparalleled solidarity, the Finns, the Japanese, the Swedes, and the Norwegians all got together and sent a letter to the Olympic skating officials. The letter, in effect, said that the new rules stank and that they wanted a return to the old style of racing.
It was decided after a meeting of international skating officials that the results of the qualifying heats in the 10,000 meter, in which American Irving Jaffee once again qualified for the final, would be tossed out. The first results would be declared “no contest,“ the heats would be run once more the following day, and the final was to be held on the day after that. The Europeans and the Japanese all agreed to this uneasy truce.
The next day however saw a change of heart by the United States team. Over night they decided that they would not rerun the heats, they felt like they had qualified once so why should they be forced to qualify again. The United States team said they would only send their men out to skate in the finals and for some odd reason they were joined in this position by the Norwegians, yes the very same Norwegians who had signed the letter asking for a return to the old style rules. For a few moments it looked as if the final in the 10,000 meter race might not be run since all the national teams dug in their heels on the matter.
The shockingly childish behavior of the United States and Norwegian teams was brought to a crashing halt though when the head referee of the skating events, John K. Savage, ordered that all heats would be rerun. He told the teams that if they did not send their skaters to the starting line to rerun the qualifying heats then they would be barred from skating in the final. That did the trick and all the skaters lined up once more to rerun the qualifying heats.
After the heats were rerun it was, as Yogi Berra would say, déjà vu all over again. The same men who had finished well enough to qualify for the finals the day before had done so once again. The next day with the sun breaking through the heavy black clouds that hovered over Lake Placid the eight finalists in the men’s 10,000 meter race took to the starting line. They were told that each man in the race had to be the pace setter for two laps and that after all the men had completed their pacesetting then they skaters were free to race as they wanted. The skaters duly followed their orders and each man did indeed set the pace for two laps. But after they had done so “the dawdling started” once again. The pace slowed as the skaters fanned out over the entire speedskating oval. Each man seemed content to go slowly and lay in wait for the best time to make his move.
They skated that way until the bell that lets the racers know they are in the last lap rang out. The Norwegian Ballangrud found himself in the lead with Jaffee of the USA close on his heels and behind Jaffee was the Canadian, Stack.
Jaffee caught Ballangrud in the final moments of that controversy laden 10,000 meter final in Lake Placid. With Stack on his heels and Ballangrud beside him Jaffee surged ahead. He broke for the finish line and picked up speed as he made his way down the last straightaway. When he crossed the finish line he not only won the race and the gold medal but, he also put to bed any doubts of whether his time in the 1928 Olympiad in St. Moritz would have stood up as the fastest. Jaffee must have felt this victory surely vindicated his performance in the 1928 games.
He was hailed as a hero as soon as the race was finished. The Times reported that, “It was no wonder then that American officials and athletes danced with glee on the ice, pounded Jaffee on the back and shook his hand before being joined in their rousing outburst of applause by the 5,000 spectators huddled in the stands, forgetful of the cold and snow at the sight of this heart warming spectacle.”
In a sad postscript to Jaffee’s win, he would later on during the Great Depression, pawn his gold medals. He told an interviewer in the mid 1970’s that he did so because he needed the cash and that later when he went to buy back his Olympic medals, the shop had gone out of business. He told another interviewer in 1979, “I’m still looking for them…and I’ll keep looking.” It is not known if he ever found his medals before his death in 1981.
So to get you all in the Olympic state of mind, from time to time I'll be doing posts about some little known and unusual Olympians and Olympic events. And we begin this series with an excerpt from my unpublished history of the Olympiads that have been held in the Americas, which was tentatively titled American Spectacle, and the story of Irving Jaffee the fastest Jew on ice.
Jaffee was a nice Jewish boy from the streets of New York city who got into ice skating after winning multiple roller skating competitions and his Olympic story began in 1928 at the second winter Olympiad which was held in St. Moritz, Switzerland. Having just barely made the team, USOC speedskating officials felt he was not experienced enough to compete against the tougher Europeans, Jaffe was selected to skate in the long distance speed skating events, the 5000 and the 10,000 meter races. Proving his critics wrong Jaffe skated to a fourth place finish in the 5000 meter race. In fact he finished just two tenths of a second slower than the bronze medal winner.
When it came time to run the 10,000 meter race then, Jaffe was ready and rarin’ to go. When it was his turn to skate he took off like a shot and he skated magnificently. He skated so well in fact that he was in the lead, the races in 1928 were held under what was called the European system which meant that the skater were competing against the clock and not against one another, what that meant then was whoever skated the race in the shortest amount of time was the winner. Soon after he finished his brilliant 10,000 meter run Jaffee felt, as did everyone else in St. Moritz that day, the temperature rise dramatically. It rose so fast in fact that the ice on the outdoor rink began to melt.
The Olympic skating officials halted the race. They told the other skaters that as soon as conditions permitted they would be able to complete their runs. It soon became clear however that the freakishly warm weather that settled in over those games in 1928 was not going anywhere anytime soon. The skating officials then declared that since he had finished his race with the fastest time that Jaffee was the winner of the 10,000 meter race.
The next day they changed their minds. No doubt that after they slept on it they saw how unfair it was to the other skaters who had been robbed of their chance to go up against Jaffee’s time by the warm weather. They decided that since not all competitors had had a chance to race there would no winner.
Howls of protest went up from the Untied States team and for his part Jaffee was crushed. He decided then and there that he would not only make the 1932 speed skating team but that he would also skate the 10,000 meter race in his home country and he would do his damnedest to win it. He said he had to, “Prove I wasn’t a fluke champion.”
And so he began a brutal training regimen when he got back to the States after the 1928 games, which were held in Lake Placid, New York. He trained hard for the four years that led up to the games. He hit the rink most every day and after he had finished his daily skate, he would jog or hike for another two hours after that. Jaffee claimed later that his teammates and even his coach Bill Taylor resented his work ethic, he said, “Taylor and the rest of the team claimed I was a show off because I worked so hard.” It’s an incredible statement when you think about it now because how many coaches these days would complain that their charges work too hard?
The first race for Jaffee then at those 1928 Olympics in his home state of New York was the 5000 meter. It was to be the first long distance race held under the new American system of racing using the qualifying heat method and in the race there were enough skaters to provide for two qualifying heats. The first heat saw Jaffee and Edward Murphy of the United States finish first and second, in third came the speed skating legend from Norway Ivar Ballangrud , and the fourth place finisher was Harry Smyth of Canada. Qualifying from the second heat were Bernt Evenson of Norway, Herbert Taylor of the USA, and a Canadians Bill Logan and Frank Stack.
The final race was, according to the New York Times, a snooze fest. “It bore much resemblance to a six-day bicycle race where every contestant is reluctant to take the lead,” they reported. All the skaters were content to plod along and to follow behind whoever was leading at the time. The race continued on slowly until the ninth lap when the skaters began to break out of their tight pack. Edward Murphy found himself in the lead and he stayed there as the other skaters began to make their move. Jaffee, who had been in fifth place, saw a hole in the pack and darted into it. He ended up in second behind the hard charging Murphy. Close behind the leaders were Ballangrud and Smyth. When Smyth made his move to pass the Norseman, they collided and their collision knocked both men off their stride. Jaffee took full advantage of the commotion as he sped up, passed Murphy about ten yards from the finish line, and won the race and the gold medal.
The next day the controversy over the American vs. European styles of racing came to a head. Things got so heated in fact that at one point the Canadians threatened to yank their team from the final race, the grueling 10,000 meter.
After the race officials saw how the skaters dilly-dallied in the 5000 meter race the day before they sent out a decree that in the 10,000 meter qualifying heats that each lap had to be completed in 45 seconds and that each man in the race had to “bear his share of the pace setting.” The skaters grumbled about this new rule and the heads of their national delegations watched the heats with interest.
From the start the qualifying heats were a disaster due to some skaters being disqualified for either not following the “pace setter” rule or for making illegal contact with one another in the race. After the disqualifications, in an act of international unparalleled solidarity, the Finns, the Japanese, the Swedes, and the Norwegians all got together and sent a letter to the Olympic skating officials. The letter, in effect, said that the new rules stank and that they wanted a return to the old style of racing.
It was decided after a meeting of international skating officials that the results of the qualifying heats in the 10,000 meter, in which American Irving Jaffee once again qualified for the final, would be tossed out. The first results would be declared “no contest,“ the heats would be run once more the following day, and the final was to be held on the day after that. The Europeans and the Japanese all agreed to this uneasy truce.
The next day however saw a change of heart by the United States team. Over night they decided that they would not rerun the heats, they felt like they had qualified once so why should they be forced to qualify again. The United States team said they would only send their men out to skate in the finals and for some odd reason they were joined in this position by the Norwegians, yes the very same Norwegians who had signed the letter asking for a return to the old style rules. For a few moments it looked as if the final in the 10,000 meter race might not be run since all the national teams dug in their heels on the matter.
The shockingly childish behavior of the United States and Norwegian teams was brought to a crashing halt though when the head referee of the skating events, John K. Savage, ordered that all heats would be rerun. He told the teams that if they did not send their skaters to the starting line to rerun the qualifying heats then they would be barred from skating in the final. That did the trick and all the skaters lined up once more to rerun the qualifying heats.
After the heats were rerun it was, as Yogi Berra would say, déjà vu all over again. The same men who had finished well enough to qualify for the finals the day before had done so once again. The next day with the sun breaking through the heavy black clouds that hovered over Lake Placid the eight finalists in the men’s 10,000 meter race took to the starting line. They were told that each man in the race had to be the pace setter for two laps and that after all the men had completed their pacesetting then they skaters were free to race as they wanted. The skaters duly followed their orders and each man did indeed set the pace for two laps. But after they had done so “the dawdling started” once again. The pace slowed as the skaters fanned out over the entire speedskating oval. Each man seemed content to go slowly and lay in wait for the best time to make his move.
They skated that way until the bell that lets the racers know they are in the last lap rang out. The Norwegian Ballangrud found himself in the lead with Jaffee of the USA close on his heels and behind Jaffee was the Canadian, Stack.
Jaffee caught Ballangrud in the final moments of that controversy laden 10,000 meter final in Lake Placid. With Stack on his heels and Ballangrud beside him Jaffee surged ahead. He broke for the finish line and picked up speed as he made his way down the last straightaway. When he crossed the finish line he not only won the race and the gold medal but, he also put to bed any doubts of whether his time in the 1928 Olympiad in St. Moritz would have stood up as the fastest. Jaffee must have felt this victory surely vindicated his performance in the 1928 games.
He was hailed as a hero as soon as the race was finished. The Times reported that, “It was no wonder then that American officials and athletes danced with glee on the ice, pounded Jaffee on the back and shook his hand before being joined in their rousing outburst of applause by the 5,000 spectators huddled in the stands, forgetful of the cold and snow at the sight of this heart warming spectacle.”
In a sad postscript to Jaffee’s win, he would later on during the Great Depression, pawn his gold medals. He told an interviewer in the mid 1970’s that he did so because he needed the cash and that later when he went to buy back his Olympic medals, the shop had gone out of business. He told another interviewer in 1979, “I’m still looking for them…and I’ll keep looking.” It is not known if he ever found his medals before his death in 1981.
Monday, August 25, 2008
So long Beijing
The Olympics are over for a couple of years and now it's time to look forward to Vancouver and to London. I have nothing but faith in the Canadian Olympic organizing committee and I'm sure that Vancouver in 2010 will be ready and it will be splendid. But after seeing the weak ass show London put on at the closing ceremony in Beijing however, I'm scared for the citizens of London. That whole parade of nonsense looked nothing but sad in comparison to the spectacle China had just put on.
Seriously, London Olympic committee, what were you thinking? You started fine with the iconic double decker bus but then you accosted our eyes with those dancers in those funky outfits? Really? You follow up your national icon with bad modern dancers? Then you put that gorgeous toffee colored singer next to a ninety nine year old Jimmy Page? That whole segment creeped me out. It looked like Page kept moistening his lips so he could get them ready to suck her youthful energetic blood in order that he may live another 1000 lifetimes. Thanks London IOC, now I know what it must look like after he manages to snare a groupie and he gets her into his room at Motel 6. As if all that wasn't enough, you pulled out your trump card in the form of David Beckham, a soccer player who doesn't even play his football in England anymore and who may not even be on the national team when the games get to your city. Wow. What the heck London, did you not think anyone outside of Stoke-on-Trent knew who someone like Wayne Rooney was? Dang why not next time just throw your entire country's soccer players under the double decker bus and make Pele your symbol because gosh darn it, people know who he is and he played that soccer game in that movie with Stallone and Michael Caine and they beat the Nazi's and won WW2 for you guys.
London, you guys got problems, I hope you get them worked out soon. If you need help I'm only a phone call away.
Oh hang on, has the bitching about London getting the games commenced yet? Are you people who bitched about China's human rights record going to bitch about London having the games? Are you going to organize boycotts because a country that pretty much subjugated the whole world at one point and who had a horrible human rights record in it's affairs with Africa, Iraq, and India is going to host the games? Are you people going to write furious blog posts about how a country that helped the USA invade a sovereign Iraq and has helped torture innocent peoples in the war of terror shouldn't be allowed to host the Olympics? Or has your indignation meter petered out now that those wily crafty red Chinese have finished hosting the games? Are you going to remain silent on all the bad things Britain has done and still does because the Brits look like us and we happen to speak the same language?
Well? I'm waiting for your answer.
Yeah, that's what I thought. Your outrage only extends to Asians and or Africans. And maybe to those dang brown skinned rag heads who live in the Middle East on top of all our oil too.
Okay, so the games are done and now we've got a few new Olympic heroes. Bolt, Torres, whoever won the modern pentathlon, that muscle bound chick who threw that thing that went real far, yeah I'll never forget any of them. But before you, and I'm talking to you Bob Costas, crown Michael Phelps king of all Olympians because he won 8 gold medals, I'd like to remind you about the greatest Olympian ever.
Her name is Sonja Henie. Don't remember her you say? Or you remember her as the butt of a joke on an episode of M*A*S*H? What makes Henie the greatest ever is the following:
Seriously, London Olympic committee, what were you thinking? You started fine with the iconic double decker bus but then you accosted our eyes with those dancers in those funky outfits? Really? You follow up your national icon with bad modern dancers? Then you put that gorgeous toffee colored singer next to a ninety nine year old Jimmy Page? That whole segment creeped me out. It looked like Page kept moistening his lips so he could get them ready to suck her youthful energetic blood in order that he may live another 1000 lifetimes. Thanks London IOC, now I know what it must look like after he manages to snare a groupie and he gets her into his room at Motel 6. As if all that wasn't enough, you pulled out your trump card in the form of David Beckham, a soccer player who doesn't even play his football in England anymore and who may not even be on the national team when the games get to your city. Wow. What the heck London, did you not think anyone outside of Stoke-on-Trent knew who someone like Wayne Rooney was? Dang why not next time just throw your entire country's soccer players under the double decker bus and make Pele your symbol because gosh darn it, people know who he is and he played that soccer game in that movie with Stallone and Michael Caine and they beat the Nazi's and won WW2 for you guys.
London, you guys got problems, I hope you get them worked out soon. If you need help I'm only a phone call away.
Oh hang on, has the bitching about London getting the games commenced yet? Are you people who bitched about China's human rights record going to bitch about London having the games? Are you going to organize boycotts because a country that pretty much subjugated the whole world at one point and who had a horrible human rights record in it's affairs with Africa, Iraq, and India is going to host the games? Are you people going to write furious blog posts about how a country that helped the USA invade a sovereign Iraq and has helped torture innocent peoples in the war of terror shouldn't be allowed to host the Olympics? Or has your indignation meter petered out now that those wily crafty red Chinese have finished hosting the games? Are you going to remain silent on all the bad things Britain has done and still does because the Brits look like us and we happen to speak the same language?
Well? I'm waiting for your answer.
Yeah, that's what I thought. Your outrage only extends to Asians and or Africans. And maybe to those dang brown skinned rag heads who live in the Middle East on top of all our oil too.
Okay, so the games are done and now we've got a few new Olympic heroes. Bolt, Torres, whoever won the modern pentathlon, that muscle bound chick who threw that thing that went real far, yeah I'll never forget any of them. But before you, and I'm talking to you Bob Costas, crown Michael Phelps king of all Olympians because he won 8 gold medals, I'd like to remind you about the greatest Olympian ever.
Her name is Sonja Henie. Don't remember her you say? Or you remember her as the butt of a joke on an episode of M*A*S*H? What makes Henie the greatest ever is the following:
- She skated in the first ever winter Olympics in 1924 at the tender age of 11. That's right, you read that right. She was 11. When you and I were 11 we were learning how to tie our shoes and how to piss without getting it all over us, when Sonja was 11 she was skating in the Olympics. Sure she finished dead last and at one point in her routine she had to go over and ask her coach which figure to skate next but that fact that did it at all is nothing short of amazing.
- In 1928 she won the gold medal in ladies figure skating. After finishing dead last in the previous Olympics she wins the next one, at the age of 15 no less.
- In 1932 she skated in her third winter Olympics. And she won a gold medal again. She not only won the gold medal, she crushed her competitors as she did it. And she performed open heart surgery on three orphans in her spare time. Okay I made that last bit up, I was just seeing if you were still paying attention.
- In 1936 she skated in her fourth Olympics and guess what? She won another gold medal. Boo ya, take that Michelle Kwan, and all you other little girls who skate in one or two Olympics and then leave for the bright lights and big money of the Sid and Marty Kroft's Ice-Capdes and All Beef Buffet. Henie won three gold medals in figure skating in three straight Olympic games, that's a feat that will never ever be repeated by anyone, male or female.
- And when she retired Sonja went on to make movies where her character was more often than not a figure skater but what's important about her film career was that she put aside money she earned from it and she used that money to open a museum of contemporary art. In other words boys and girls, she used her fame and fortune not to get dicked by drunk drug addicted syphilitic boy toys or to feed a massive out of control Madonna sized ego, nope, not at all. She instead used her money to enrich the lives of others.
So call me when Michael Phelps takes all that cash he's getting from his record 8 gold medals and he starts a free hospital for kids with AIDS or if he funds a pool in the inner city in perpetuity so that disadvantaged kids can have a shot at Olympic glory. Oh yeah, will you also call me when he can go back in time and compete when he's 11 and then when he wins gold in three consecutive Olympiads? When he does all that then I might consider him the greatest Olympian ever. But until he does, I'll just stick him in the greatest Olympian male swimmer ever slot. How's that suit you Mikey?
Friday, August 15, 2008
Olympic observations
Here's what I think of the Beijing games so far:
- Al Trautwig is a giant gas bag. His jingoistic performance when calling the gymnastics is making me ill. I am not kidding. I want to vomit when I hear his smug voice.
- I remember now why I hate watching the diving, it's because of that hypercritical twat who is doing the color commentary alongside Ted "Bat Boy" Robinson. She'd find fault with the most perfect thing in the world if given the chance.
- I despise Misty May and Scarecrow Walsh. I hope they lose and that they get a solid metric ton of sand in their hoo hoo's.
- When it comes to swimming, how about less showing of the heats and more showing of the finals. And I could do with a little less on Mikey Phelps and his mom and a lot more on Dara Torres and Natalie Coughlin.
- Olympic boxing is the TV equivalent of taking an overdose of sleeping pills.
- Thank goodness for USA, CNBC, and MSNBC for showing other sports besides the "marquee sports" that NBC shows during prime time.
- I love Olympic women's soccer. Men's soccer, meh.
- Table tennis and badminton work surprisingly well on TV, so why then are they only shown during the Olympics?
- Back to beach volleyball for a moment, how sweet was it to see that tall sweaty incredibly fit Chinese women team hug each other after each point they made? It was pretty dang sweet I tell ya. And yeah, maybe I said, "Go on, kiss her while you're huggin her," a time or two, so what?
- Mary Carillo should have stayed home and spared us her treacly unfunny "human interest" stories about China.
- I'm looking forward to the track and field next week.
- So far it's been a pretty good Olympiad.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Faster, higher, stronger
The Beijing Olympiad of 2008 is now open and unlike some of you I'm all in on this baby. I'll cop to being a total "ring head," that's Olympic fan to those of you not in "the know." I don't buy the argument that we should boycott the games because of China's horrible human rights record, after all the USA has a horrible human rights record just ask any innocent person we've detained in Iraq and tossed into a prison and tortured. And as long as they help us occupy Iraq and Afghanistan, Canada and Great Britain share the shame of being in league with a country that tortures and their human rights record suffers like our does. Yes, China does horrible shit to it's citizens, so do we, and western corporations who do big business over there help prop up the human rights abusers more than anyone who watches the Olympics does. The opening ceremony was quite a spectacle. In fact I'll go so far to say it was an astonishing sight. As I watched it and marveled at the technology and the pageantry of it, one thought came to my mind and it was, "I bet the London 2012 organizers are sitting there watching this and thinking, 'Oh shit, how are we going to top that?'" One word London organizers, "Tardis." Or maybe "Liz Hurley." Oh, oh, even better "Archie Panjabi." 
Think about it, my adopted actor is British but she's also ethnic Hindi so she'll draw a huge cross section of admirers. She's also a knock out who's got more talent in her little finger than most of us have in our whole bodies. yeah, that's it. Make Archie the new Dr. Who, it's about time the Doctor became a woman, and have her come down in the Tardis and let her lead your opening ceremony in London in 2012.
Think about it, my adopted actor is British but she's also ethnic Hindi so she'll draw a huge cross section of admirers. She's also a knock out who's got more talent in her little finger than most of us have in our whole bodies. yeah, that's it. Make Archie the new Dr. Who, it's about time the Doctor became a woman, and have her come down in the Tardis and let her lead your opening ceremony in London in 2012. ********
I love the parade of nations part of the opening ceremony and this year's parade was something to behold. As usual some of the African countries in native dress and head gear were kind of cool. The worst looking in the parade were the Hungarian women, the pattern on those dresses were a crime against fashion and against my eyesight. The Spanish team looked smashing in their yellow and red outfits and the Italians looked oh so classic in their summery outfits. The women of the Polish team were atunningly hot. I loved the Estonian team's different colored uniforms, they were classically understated. The US team looked, and I'm being generous here, okay. I'm not a huge Jenny Finch fan, she's all teeth and gums to me, nor am I a fan of the pampered NBA players, and that's about all who NBC decided to show us, so I wasn't impressed. I'll also admit to cheering the Canadian team, all my blog buds from Canada have gotten me out of the habit of jeering at our neighbor to the north's team, although their outfits for the opening ceremony looked nothing short of fugly.
********
I'll be glued to the games for the next few weeks, well as much as I can be while we look for a new to us house, it turns out we didn't want the house we thought we wanted because it would have required too much money to remodel that basement. Anyway, I'll be watching the games for the next few weeks and of course I'll be writing about them as well, so if you hate the Olympics, check back in a couple of week's when they pass the torch to Vancouver for the 2010 winter games.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Way to go girl!
Dara Torres, age 41, is going to her fifth Olympiad!
Not only did Ms. Torres, age 41, blow her competitors out of the water at the Olympic trials, she set a new American record in the 50 meter freestyle event.
Oh yeah, did I mention that she's only 4 years younger than I am?
Not only did Ms. Torres, age 41, blow her competitors out of the water at the Olympic trials, she set a new American record in the 50 meter freestyle event.
Oh yeah, did I mention that she's only 4 years younger than I am?
I'll be rooting for Dara when she gets in the pool at the Beijing Olympics and races against women half her age in about a month. 
I'm sure her daughter will be rooting for her as well.
Thanks for doing a great thing for all of us over 40's Dara and thanks for giving me a reason to post some pictures of a blonde chick in a bikini.
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