Friday, April 18, 2008

And now, here's a very special guest post by Mae Webb Stephens

Hi everyone! Mae Webb Stephens campground cook, creationist, committed Christian and anti Communist here. I guess I owe the liberal surrender monkey a note of thanks for letting me come back to do this post, so here you go Mr. Good For Nothin' Liberal, 'Thanks!"

Now, instead of Monkey Von ShouldBeUsedInLabExperiments doing one of his high falutin' cooking posts, I'm going to do one for you. Well, that's not strictly true because I'm not actually going to cook anything because my lady parts are acting up something fierce and I need to lay down on my lucky lawn chair for a while. So since I got this gig on Dr. Dumb Dumb's blog, I figured I better do something with it so I invited a lovely God fearing, Jesus loving, gay hatin' lady like me in to do the cooking. It wasn't easy for me to get her here, so ya'll be real nice and give her a big hand for dropping by! Here she is, Mrs. Cindy McCain, the hopefully next First Lady of the US of A!
Thank you Mae. It's a pleasure to be here. You just lay back on your lovely lawn chair and I'll show everyone how to cook up my favorite seafood dish of all time, 'Cindy Style Ahi Tuna!'

Hang on.

What? What is it? Why are you interrupting Cindy?

Yes, what is it Mr. Chimperstein?

It's 'Monkerstein.' Is this another recipe you stole off the Food Network website?

Why are you embarrassing her? Can't you see it's really her recipe?

I'm not so sure. But Mae is right. There's no need to embarrass you in front of my readers. Tell ya what Cin-ster, if you swiped this recipe just raise your hand. No need to say anything out loud, just raise your hand and I promise not to mock you as I kick you off my blog.

I knew it! You recipe stealing, no shame having old tart! You're as bad as your dumb ass husband, both of you steal other peoples work and try to pass it off as your own. Get out of here you shameless old fraud!

Monkey! You promised you'd be nice.

Screw that. It's my blog reputation she almost ruined. Good riddance to her.

You ruined my guest post. I'm gonna pray extra hard that the baby Jesus smites you with his holy rattle. And then I'm gonna tell the John Birch Society all about you and your little blog. How do you like them apples?

The likelihood of you doing another guest post is diminishing with every word you speak.

When Satan's minions are raping you for all eternity I will be suckling the baby Jesus and laughing my righteous ass off at you.

You sure know how to sweet talk a monkey don't you?


Dr. Zaius said...

After Baby Jesus smites you with his holy rattle, Mae Webb Stephens will dance upon your grave. (Wait, does Baby Jesus allow dancing?)

ThePoliticalCat said...

Oh, poor Dr. von Monkerstein!

It's okay, I have a nice cauliflower sabzi recipe over at my site, in case you feel like a spicier nibble. Geez wouldja really wanna eat anything that anorexic whitebread botox bottle blonde cooked for ya, anyway?

Little Merry Sunshine said...

You are sick and wrong and I love your blog!

vikkitikkitavi said...

This little scandal is hilarious, mostly because the McCain campaign thought that anyone would believe that the blowhard's trophy wife actually cooks her own food.

dguzman said...

Exactly, Vikki--though I'll bet she makes a mean vodka martini.

Madam Z said...

You are the funniest monkey I ever did read!

Anonymous said...

Stealing recipes from Rachel Ray is like buying your book reports from the class idiot. What's the point?

Dean Wormer said...

She has to raise her left hand to make her face smile. Her left hand does the frown.

Gifted Typist said...

gotta love that stay-press hair and the stay-press facial expressions