Time to go

I've been doing a lot of soul searching about my Presidential campaign lately and I've come to a decision. Due to the flagging interest in my once white hot campaign for President and due to the historic impending nomination of the first black man with a decent shot at being President, I have decided to suspend my campaign and to endorse Sen. Obama. I endorse him unequivocally and wholeheartedly. While his message is not as progressive and populist as mine, I feel that he will make a fine President and I am committed to working very closely with him and certain members of his campaign staff.While this country may not be ready for a simian like me to hold this nation's highest elective office, it is more than ready to elect a black man with more intelligence in his little finger than George Bush has in his whole body. This country is crying out for bold decisive leadership and Barack Obama will provide the calm steady leadership we all need. Sen. Obama has accepted my endorsement and the $2.50 in campaign funds that I had left in the bank. He is pleased that a one time rival has joined his cause and I look forward to campaigning for him where ever I can.

Of course this news will be upsetting to some and to those people I say, "Chin up, one day I may run again but right now it's Obama's time and I need to step aside and let history do it's thing." Weep not for the death of my campaign, instead steel yourself for the fight ahead against Bush McCain and gird your loins while you're at it, because ones loins can never be girded enough. I urge all those who supported me in the past to now vote for Sen. Obama. Work as hard for him as you would have done for me, get out there and register voters, canvass your neighborhoods, work the phones, drive the elderly to the polls, and write about what a selfless caring legendary monkey I am for getting out of the race now. Be not bitter or bitchy you who have followed me these many months, be caring and dedicated to electing Sen. Obama.

I'll be taking a few days off from the campaign trail to soothe the hurt feelings of some of the more sensitive of my followers. But don't worry, I'll be back out on the campaign trail in no time at all.

Onward to victory!

What do you have to say for yourself?

No comment.

That's no lady, that's a pirate captain!

Go read the interview Captain Karen, she of the C3 brigade (for those of you just tuning in, C3 stands for Cadre of Canadian Cuties) and my blog mate on the Winter and Spring Reading Challenge Blogs, did with me on her blog. It's more fun than getting poked in the kidney with a rusty metal spear, I promise! (The above picture is not Captain Karen. Captain Karen is much cuter that this but since she complained the last time I used her picture on this blog I had to resort to using this drawing I found on Google Images.)

Question a day

Today's question comes to me from one of my good blog friends who just happens to be one of my favourite Canadians ever, Barbara. Barb wants to know: "Would you rather be twice your height or half your height?"Excellent question Barbara.

Since I am around 5'9" twice my height would put me around 12 feet tall. Life at that height would be hell. I'd be stooping all the time and hitting my head on shit and since I'm too old to play in the NBA, I hate hate hate pro basketball by the way, I probably could not cash in on my freakish tallness. I guess I could join a freak show if I was that tall but that would mean I'd have to hang out with the Bearded Lady, Pig Boy, some weirdo with piercings all over every part of his body, and some god damned clowns. Ick. No thanks.

On the other hand since I currently weigh around 223, yeah shut up I know I need to drop some pounds, so do you I bet, go look in the mirror Mr. or Ms. Fatty McButter Britches and you'll see you need to drop some too, I have to go with half my weight. I could feasibly pull off weighing 111 pounds at my height, yes, I'd get a lot of stares and people would assume I was anorexic or some kind method actor getting ready to do a role in Bent. But weighing that little might have it's advantages as well, for instance I'd be able to wear all those Gap brand jeans and Old Navy khaki pants that are hanging in my closet that no longer fit me and I'd finally have the body to go with my starving artist attitude.

But really, I'm pretty comfortable with who I am and the way my body is. Yes, I need to drop about 30 pounds but all in all, I'll take what I got and work with it.

Thanks for sending in a question Barb!

I still need a couple more questions to finish out this month of queries. Send your questions to me at monkeymuck(at)gmail(dot)com and I'll answer one a day until the end of the month.

The Origin of Dr. Monkey

Many years ago my father was captured in the wilds of Africa and he was transported here to a zoo in the USA. The zookeeper was a putz who often was cruel to my father. He poked him with sticks and he taunted him with photos of a scantily clad Elke Sommer. Being the smart monkey my Daddy was, he stole the keys to the cages one night.

Dad opened his cage and he scampered to the zookeepers house.

Dad was a ladies man and he bedded the zookeepers wife in world record time.
All readers under the age of 18 please skip past the next photo or you may go blind, have hair to grow out of your palms, and or the baby Jesus will smite you for wasting all those baby making sperms.Nine months after their encounter I came along. I got my good looks from my dad and I got my brains from my mom. After years of physical therapy I learned to walk upright and to do things like you full blooded humans do.I also went through extensive electrolysis that was quite painful at times. But, because the ladies still like a bit of hair, I kept some of it.

I swear that story is true. So if someone tells you that I just found a picture of a monkey in a fez and I got Dr. Zaius to photoshop that head onto all kinds of crazy photos then they are lying.

How much you wanna bet...

...that this couple would have been fun to have as neighbors.

We had this many trick or treaters

Which was five more than we had last year.

(I was going to scan my hand but then I thought I better of it.)