Where's Waldo?

Oh, okay then.

Hey Sylvester...

...what's your favorite song by the late Michael Jackson?

Oh okay. Thanks.

Are you

Well? Are you?

The pretty cartoon lady has a few questions

In what world did graduating summa cum laude from a Ivy League university mean someone is stupid?


In what world does someone who never got water boarded tell someone who did that what happened to them is not torture?


Why do Republicans want the federal government out of our lives except when it comes to what goes on in the bedroom?


Why is it okay that we let people who believe that Jesus Christ came to America after he got crucified and that there was an advanced civilization here during that time despite there being no archaeological or historical evidence of either thing being true keep non related consenting adults who want to get married from doing so?


Why is the recession over when big corporations make profits again? Shouldn't we say it's over when working people can afford to buy houses, cars, send their kids to college, and take vacations without having to go into debt for the rest of their lives?


Why do we let people who get health insurance from the federal government keep us from having the same thing?


Why do all the internet browsers suck so much?


Why is the beach always so close to the ocean?


Why are they going to 'reboot' the Tomb Raider movie series? Didn't they suck enough the first time?


Does this look infected to you?

Is it...

...dessert or is it angel poop on a plate? You decide.

Millie answers your questions about what an Obama Pesidency will bring

Hi everyone, I'm Millie! I used to have my own comic book in the '60's but Marvel Comics pulled the plug on it and now I'm reduced to appearing in blog posts like this one. It's a bitch but what can a working gal do? Work is work. Anyhoo, Dr. Monkey asked me to come in and answer some questions some of you have about what Sen. Barack Obama's win on Tuesday means. Our first question comes from Mr. Pete Moss of Fungi, Idaho. Mr. Moss wants to know, "Do we all have to get gay married now?"

No. Same sex marriage is not a right as of yet. In fact because of the actions of the hateful Mormon church, those awful people are right up there with the assholes at Westboro Baptist if you ask me, it's not going to be legal in California anymore. It is legal in Massachusetts however but who wants to live there? (If you live in Massachusetts, I'm just kidding. Dr. Monkey told me to say that.)


Next question comes to us from Dr. Basil Bodi of Loma Linda, CA. Dr. Bodi wants to know, "Do we all have to become Muslims now?"

Ummm, Doc, are you an idiot or something? No one has to become anything they don't want to become when it comes to religion in this country. Freedom of religion means that you can be anything you like, or not, it's up to each person.


Next question comes from Miss Judy Garfinkle. Judy query is this, "Will I still have smooth mosist skin after Obama takes office?"

Hang on Judy, I'll answer your question when I stop laughing so much. Seriously, I've got to take a minute to wipe away the tears of laughter that I've gotten after reading your stupid question.Wow. No shit, that was funny Judy.

Next question please.

Bob Frapples wants to know if I can close both my eyes at once. Well, Bob, here's your answer:


Dot Matrix asks, "I lost my job at the plant when they closed it and moved operations to China. My unemployment has run out and I'm selling blood plasma to make ends meet. Are my taxes going up?"

No.

Pete Moss has another question, "Are you really sure I can't get gay married? Because at this point I'd like to try it. See, my old lady is driving me nuts and the kids what with their whining and shit and always needing things like food and new shoes, and sweaters, and medicine and shit, heck I'd like to just chuck all that and live it up with another dude for awhile. I'm serious. Do you know any gay guys who might want to hook up with me Millie? Hell, I'd even move to Massachusetts if I had to. They got trailer parks up there don't they?"

Sorry Pete. The only gays I know, Batman and Robin, are already living together.

Well, that's all I've got time for now, I've gotta run and get my hair done. See ya'll in the funny papers! Bye now.

This week's panel fields your hard hitting questions

I've assembled quite a prestigious panel, a young Phyllis Schlafly, Magic Belt, and the passengers and crew of the Hindenburg, to answer some of this week's queries so let's get straight to the questions:

Allison Krammitt of Oxnard, CA wrote in to ask, "Should I get my oil changed at 3000 miles like the oil companies and car manufacturers advise?"
Phyllis Schlafly: Allison, what are you, some kind of hippie lesbian who questions every move American corporations make? Anyone with a lick of God given sense knows that oil companies and car makers, except the godless Japanese ones, would never steer you wrong. Oh snap, did you see that, I made a joke thingy! Praise Jesus for my sense of humor! That's one thing Barack HUSSEIN Obama won't be able to take away from me if he manages to steal the Presidency from war hero and former adulterer, oops, I mean POW, John McCain.

Mitch Higgins of Corbin, KY wants to know, "Are all illegal immigrants here for our sweet government benefits or are some here just to knock up white women and take all of our lawn care jobs?"The passengers and crew of the Hinderburg: Aieeeeeeeeeee, we're on fire! Help us! Gott in himmel, we're burning alive in here! The pain, the pain is too great!

Ray and Norma Denton of Detroit, MI asked, "Who's going to win the Superbowl this year?"

Magic Belt: Bet the house, the car, the kids college money, and the hush money you were going to pay your kids so they keep quiet about your affair with that gal from accounting on the Washington Redskins. I have no "facts" to back up my pick, let's just call it a hunch.

Chen Ho Weinstein of Portland, OR sent in this question, "What's up with Canada?"Phyllis Schlafly: Canada needs to get rid of their socialist form of health care, their social safety net, and those dirty French speaking people in Quebec. If they did all that and made Celine Dion their President for life, then we might let them join our country as our fifty second state. They'd have to join right after we make Iraq the fifty-first state and we'll do that as soon as they accept Jesus and free market capitalism in their hearts.

Billy Joe Bob Bellamy Jr. of Diddleville, AL, wants to know, "Paper or plastic?"

Magic Belt: Neither because both clog up landfills and take too long to breakdown. Instead, buy some long lasting canvass bags and use them over and over again.

Dr. Kevin Gliver of Tuscon, AZ, asks, "And how are we feeling today?"The passengers and crew of the Hindenburg: Pretty damn bad. In fact we're dead now thanks to your inaction. Thanks a lot for ruining what had been a pretty pleasant day. Oh the humanity!

That's all we have time for this week, so let's give our panel a big round of applause and until we convene another answer panel, keep sending in those questions!

I have a question...