This week's panel fields your hard hitting questions

I've assembled quite a prestigious panel, a young Phyllis Schlafly, Magic Belt, and the passengers and crew of the Hindenburg, to answer some of this week's queries so let's get straight to the questions:

Allison Krammitt of Oxnard, CA wrote in to ask, "Should I get my oil changed at 3000 miles like the oil companies and car manufacturers advise?"
Phyllis Schlafly: Allison, what are you, some kind of hippie lesbian who questions every move American corporations make? Anyone with a lick of God given sense knows that oil companies and car makers, except the godless Japanese ones, would never steer you wrong. Oh snap, did you see that, I made a joke thingy! Praise Jesus for my sense of humor! That's one thing Barack HUSSEIN Obama won't be able to take away from me if he manages to steal the Presidency from war hero and former adulterer, oops, I mean POW, John McCain.

Mitch Higgins of Corbin, KY wants to know, "Are all illegal immigrants here for our sweet government benefits or are some here just to knock up white women and take all of our lawn care jobs?"The passengers and crew of the Hinderburg: Aieeeeeeeeeee, we're on fire! Help us! Gott in himmel, we're burning alive in here! The pain, the pain is too great!

Ray and Norma Denton of Detroit, MI asked, "Who's going to win the Superbowl this year?"

Magic Belt: Bet the house, the car, the kids college money, and the hush money you were going to pay your kids so they keep quiet about your affair with that gal from accounting on the Washington Redskins. I have no "facts" to back up my pick, let's just call it a hunch.

Chen Ho Weinstein of Portland, OR sent in this question, "What's up with Canada?"Phyllis Schlafly: Canada needs to get rid of their socialist form of health care, their social safety net, and those dirty French speaking people in Quebec. If they did all that and made Celine Dion their President for life, then we might let them join our country as our fifty second state. They'd have to join right after we make Iraq the fifty-first state and we'll do that as soon as they accept Jesus and free market capitalism in their hearts.

Billy Joe Bob Bellamy Jr. of Diddleville, AL, wants to know, "Paper or plastic?"

Magic Belt: Neither because both clog up landfills and take too long to breakdown. Instead, buy some long lasting canvass bags and use them over and over again.

Dr. Kevin Gliver of Tuscon, AZ, asks, "And how are we feeling today?"The passengers and crew of the Hindenburg: Pretty damn bad. In fact we're dead now thanks to your inaction. Thanks a lot for ruining what had been a pretty pleasant day. Oh the humanity!

That's all we have time for this week, so let's give our panel a big round of applause and until we convene another answer panel, keep sending in those questions!