That's my empty desk against some freshly painted walls. Gone are the black marks on the wall that I made by scraping my old chair against it. Gone are the smoke stains from countless Marlboro Lights smoked in the years before my heart attack. Gone are the many holes we drilled into the walls to hang pictures and or blinds and curtain rods.
It seems a shame to put anything back in a clean pristine room, but do it I must for Sparky doesn't want our books and CD's stacked on top of the dressers in our bedroom.Funny thing this, when I was putting the electronics back in here I put the modem power cord on my computer speakers and then I tried to connect the speakers power cord to the modem and it didn't fit. I was convinced I had vacuumed up some sort of adapter so I went to Circuit City to see their modems fresh in the box. I learned then that I was trying to connect the wrong power cord thingy to my modem and I also learned that Motorola modems, the very same ones that my cable company has been charging me $6 a month to rent from them, had fallen in price, they used to be $69 and change but today they were $39 and change. So I bought a new modem and hooked it up when I got back. I'll be taking the cable company's modem to the local office tomorrow and giving it back to them, then I'll point out that they can no longer charge me rent because I now own my modem. Boo ya. My fuck up ended up saving me money. Crazy huh.
The other big development of the day was I found a great new green and white striped polo shirt at K Mart for $10 bucks and so I bought it. Oh wait, that's not the other big development.
The other big development was that Barack Obama chose to come to near where I live to make his first public appearance since clinching the nomination. He was in Bristol, VA, which is 20 miles from our place, this afternoon.
I could not attend in person due to the house stuff but I did manage to catch him on TV and I took a photo of him. How often has a newly minted Democratic Presidential nominee chosen one of the Tri Cities as the first city he appears in after clinching the nomination? Hmm, let me think, let me think...Oh now I got it. Just one. Barack Obama. That's it. How cool is that? Very fucking cool.Actually I have a theory as to why he did it. He wants to subtly let everyone know that he is dope with the "Whiskeymarie/Dr. Monkey Axis of Kick Ass Bitchin' Bloggers." He delivered his historic nomination clinching speech in St. Paul just a few blocks from where Ms. Von Partypants works and lives, then he comes to my backyard to give his first speech after clinching. It's almost touching how he wants to stay close to those bloggers who he clearly loves and whose support he obviously covets.
To be fair I think Bush McCain once flushed the toilet on his wife's private jet as it flew over our neighborhood one day.
My mother was making me take a bath in what appeared to be holy water.
As soon as I got into the holy water bath it changed and I changed as well. I became 100 % monkey and I stopped being the monkey/human hybrid that I normally am. The bath water and bath tub changed into the Ganges and a waiter from Sitar, a locally owned Indian restaurant here in Johnson City, was ferrying me across the holy river.
Once we got to the other side he morphed into a hot Latino chick and I became Jesus on the cross. I didn't mind so much because I had such a great view. But then things turned nasty. I heard a voice taunting me. It was saying things like, "Nah nah nah, I'm gonna steal your running mate. Monkey/Love in 2008 is kaput! All power to the concrete and pipe cadres!"
I shook my head to get the foul sound of the voice out of my ears and suddenly I was with 
When I woke up I was in some strange world where people wore Crunky instead of holding it.
In this bizarre world the Flying Wallendas were the Tumbling Wallendas.
And I noticed something else strange,
I had one ball, not two in this dreamworld.
But as quickly as you can recite the Gettysburg Address I was picked up by 
It turned out my lovely running mate 
Later at one of our late night strategy meetings I told Kristi all about my crazy dream. We laughed and she assured me that there was no way that Splotchy could ever steal her from me. We had a good laugh, a good cuddle, oops, I mean we had another good laugh about it and then we released a statement to the press.
Satisfied that everything was hunky dory in our campaign Kristi and I shared a private make out, shit, I mean, another private strategy session as we watched the sun go down. I was happy that my crazy dream was just that, a crazy dream. 
Or was it??????
Sorry boys and girls, she's spoken for but who wouldn't love a chick who describes herself like this: Socially retarded. Easily confused. Big hands. Entirely inappropriate. Snappy dresser. Monkey lover. Often intoxicated. Occasionally angry. Snorts while laughing. Can't whistle. Hates socks.