No, not
that Rudy.
That Rudy.
Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein: Thanks for chatting with us Rudy.
Rudy: 9/11, you're most welcome, 9/11.
Dr. MVM: How the campaign going?
Rudy: Well much like the fateful day for America, 9/11, it's going well.
Dr. MVM: Things went well for America on 9/11? Did you just say that?
Rudy: Well yeah, I did. 9/11 shot me to national prominence. So I'd say that, yes, 9/11 was a great fateful day for America. 9/11.
Dr. MVM: You've pretty much based your whole campaign on your role as New York City mayor on 9/11.
Rudy: Well as any New Yorker will tell you, New York City is the hub of the known Universe. And since I was mayor, I am the center of that universe. And since 9/11 happened to New York, I am responsible for everything good about 9/11. 9/11.
Dr. MVM: But if we remember our history correctly, before 9/11 you were a pretty polarizing figure who ramrodded your conservative reforms through a skeptical city and that after the first terrorist attack on New York, you did virtually nothing to prevent the next attack. And while we're at it on 9/11 all you did was act like you knew what you were doing when in reality your leadership was wishy washy at best and deadly slow at worst.
Rudy: 9/11, how dare you attack me? I was mayor on 9/11 and I will always be the hero of 9/11. I watched those firemen and police officers carry out the dead and injured all the while the dust and rubble was swirling around me. I might have gotten hit by something while I was watching and giving press conferences and interviews. Your pre 9/11 mindset is a victory for the terrorists.
Dr. MVM: So you seemed to have learned how to respond to critics like your buddy Georgie W. What else have you learned from him?
Rudy: I learned how to do this. Hey monkey, look over there, it's 9/11.
Dr. MVM: What concrete things do you have planned if you become president?
Rudy: I plan to make the Yankees America's team. I will outlaw all other MLB teams and I will move the nation's capital to NYC and I will 9/11 everybody with some nice 9/11.
Dr. MVM: So basically you are as insane as the rest of the Republicans we've interviewed so far.
Rudy: I'm not as bad as Romney, he's a Mormon 9/11. And Gilmore, he's a redneck 9/11. And my fellow Roman Catholic bud Sam Brownback, he's a Kansas 9/11. Did I mention 9/11?
Dr. MVM: Once or twice you might have. How do you plan to reach out to the Democrats and the people who do not support you?
Rudy: Well much like that cold snowy 9/11 morning...
Dr. MVM: Hang on doofus, it was not cold or snowy on 9/11.
Rudy: As the rain fell on that 9/11 morn, I....
Dr. MVM: It was sunny and hot.
Rudy: I was mayor then, remember? Not you. What I say goes. Your facts are those of someone who keeps a pre 9/11 mindset.
Dr. MVM: Your handlers are telling me that someone is here to see you.
Rudy: Probably my beautiful wife.
Yep, that's her.
Mrs. Rudy: We met on 9/11.
Rudy: I 9/11 her all night long.
Mrs. Rudy: His 9/11 is huge.
Rudy: Come here baby.
Dr. MVM: Ewww, gross. Get a room you disgusting pigs.
Rudy: 9/11! 9/11!
Mrs. Rudy: Your 9/11 is so happy to see me. Oh 9/11, give me your 9/11 harder.
Rudy: You got it.
Dr. MVM: This is worse than walking in on a bonobo orgy.
Rudy: 9/11!!!!!!!!!!
Mrs. Rudy: Yes 9/11 baby, 9/11 me.
Rudy: Here it comes.......
DR. MVM: No!!! Stop it you two! Not on my Silverback Gorilla rug! Get off there you damn dirty humans!
Rudy: 9 elevennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!
Dr. MVM: My eyes!! My eyes!!!! I've gone blind!!!!!!
Bye bye Rudy. It was 9/11 fun making 9/11 of you 9/11. But honestly 9/11, did you really 9/11 think you'd be elected 9/11 President 9/11? Just because you brow beat 9/11 New Yorkers into electing your 9/11 crazy fascist ass 9/11, that didn't mean 9/11 that the rest of us 9/11 would fall for your crap too 9/11.
The big news, aside from the ass kickings that Republicans took in the off year elections in Kentucky and Virginia, is that Pat Robertson has decided to put aside his "Christian" "principles" to endorse....
