He demanded to know what my relationship had been with Jane back in the day. I told him to shove off, that it was none of his business. He told me that he was going to run with a story that was nothing but a pack of lies and a bundle of untruths. What could I do? I'm in the middle of a Presidential campaign so I had to come clean.
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The fact is that Jane and I never were married. We were just close friends.
She hired me to help her run her lines and to teach her how to be more graceful in her scenes in movies and on stage. Like all women she dug my animal magnetism, my raw sexuality, and she wanted some monkey love. I put her off as long as I could but she was very persuasive.
She took me places and bought me things and she turned me into her monkey boy-toy. Soon I was under her spell and in her bed.
But things went down hill for us soon after we began our affair. 
It turns out Jane was a heavy smoker back then and I just could not abide it so I left her.
*******
It was right after I left Jane that I met and married Patty Hearst who I divorced later that afternoon.
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Of course if you ask Jane and Patty about any of this they will deny all of it. They both were so disraught and traumatized over my leaving them that they blocked it out. Now go, leave me alone for a while, I've got things to do , places to go, starlets to marry, you know, the usual stuff for a monkey like me.
14 comments:
Dames.
Did Patty at least have time to coach you in the art of terrorist chic?
I'd heard rumors about you and Jane, but the revelation about Patty Hearst is truly shocking.
Hmmm, now that I think about, there was a monkey in that SLA footage I remember seeing on the news!
:))) great post!
are you for Clinton or Obama or...? (I think I already know...)
I'm running a poll of American liberal bloggers on my European blog. thank you in advance for visiting and voting. ciao!
I think I'm bi from doing your first wife's workout so many times in Junior High.
Dude, how did that one guy surround your house? Did he run around it really fast?
Hanoi Monkey!
Did you try on the Barbarella costume?
I was wondering who taught Jane all those great moves in her workout!
Bubs-Can live with 'em, can't live with out 'em.
Barb-Of course.
Crayons-Oh there's more secrets to be revealed my dear, stay tuned.
Randal-Shhhh.
Miss Welby-Thanks.
Freida-I think you're bi because you like girls as well as boys.
Duros-That's called a joke dude.
D Cap-Damn straight.
MnMom-Yes and I tried on her China Syndrome one as well.
CJ-You got it, it was me.
Bah! Ms. Hearst was wise to divorce you when she did. She must have known what a foul and corrupt individual you that you would later become!
By the way, was there any wedding cake left?
As long as you recognize that Fonda in Barbarella is mine.
You can dally with the other versions...
HAHAHAHA!!
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