Opinions, I has them

Here's what I think about some pressing issues and current events:

• The death of Whitney Houston- Girl, what took you so long? I had you down for a drug related death years ago.
  
• CPAC- Call me when they aren't being over the top stupid racist idiots who hate black people, gays, and Hispanics.
• The Grammys- Don't give a flying fuck and I haven't ever since I stopped being a teenager.
• Lap Top Shooting Dad-He's a colossal douchebag and it's obvious where his kid got her sense of entitlement from. If he could have shot his daughter and got away with it, he would have done it because she obviously had it coming for emasculating him on the internet. He's scum and if you are one of the minority who is cheering him on, then fuck you.
• Mitt's 'cheating' ways- Santorum says Mitt cheated to win the meaningless CPAC straw poll, Ron Paul says Mitt cheated to win the Maine caucuses. Holy shit, the modern Republican party is made up of whiny twats who live to blame others for their failures.
  
• Fraudulent breast cancer charities- Komen for the Cure is a criminal enterprise. If you give them one penny of your money, it's one penny more than they deserve. The last thing those twats want is a cure for breast cancer because the day it's cured, that's the day they'd all be out of a job.
• Austerity riots in Greece and Portugal- Hey governments who keep doing the bidding of the World Bank and the IMF when it's clear your citizens do not want the austerity packages you're forcing on them, I've got two words for you: French revolution. Here's a few more words: your citizens are sharpening the guillotine blades.
  
• Roman Catholic Bishops- Old men in dresses who fuck little boys don't need birth control, so why should they be forced to let women have it? It's not like those women want that shit anyway...oh wait, what? They do want it? Well then, fuck you old dudes in dresses who fuck little boys.
• Hypocrite Catholic politicians- Fuck you Santorum. You're suddenly concerned about what the old fags who fuck little boys want? If you're all in on the birth control, abortion, and marriage equality issues your church preaches, why the fuck aren't you on the climate change and health care for all bandwagons too? Your church is for doing something about climate change and for giving free health care to all people everywhere, why the fuck aren't you as well?
  
• Beer that tastes like grapefruit juice- Stop it. Brewers, stop making that vile shit or at least put a label on the bottles so I don't have to waste my money on a six pack that tastes like grapefruit piss water. I mean it. This is not negotiable.
• Justine Waddell- Why did it take me so long to discover you Ms. Waddell? I could have been carrying a torch and secretly crushing on you for years had I discovered you earlier. Please British film and TV industry, stop hoarding and hiding beautiful women like Ms. Waddell and give a monkey a heads up on them when you discover them, will you? Thanks.

"Hello? May I speak to Dr. Monkey? This is Justine Waddell, I'm naked right now and I need to talk to him."

And now, here's a brief word from the 1963 Dogwood King and Queen

"Guys, abstinence if the best thing ever. Date a few girls but if you're lucky you'll find the right one quickly and you'll get married and have kids."

"Fuck that noise. Play the field, screw around, and use birth control."

Olympic observations

Here's what I think of the Beijing games so far:

• Al Trautwig is a giant gas bag. His jingoistic performance when calling the gymnastics is making me ill. I am not kidding. I want to vomit when I hear his smug voice.
• I remember now why I hate watching the diving, it's because of that hypercritical twat who is doing the color commentary alongside Ted "Bat Boy" Robinson. She'd find fault with the most perfect thing in the world if given the chance.
• I despise Misty May and Scarecrow Walsh. I hope they lose and that they get a solid metric ton of sand in their hoo hoo's.
• When it comes to swimming, how about less showing of the heats and more showing of the finals. And I could do with a little less on Mikey Phelps and his mom and a lot more on Dara Torres and Natalie Coughlin.
• Olympic boxing is the TV equivalent of taking an overdose of sleeping pills.
• Thank goodness for USA, CNBC, and MSNBC for showing other sports besides the "marquee sports" that NBC shows during prime time.
• I love Olympic women's soccer. Men's soccer, meh.
• Table tennis and badminton work surprisingly well on TV, so why then are they only shown during the Olympics?
• Back to beach volleyball for a moment, how sweet was it to see that tall sweaty incredibly fit Chinese women team hug each other after each point they made? It was pretty dang sweet I tell ya. And yeah, maybe I said, "Go on, kiss her while you're huggin her," a time or two, so what?
• Mary Carillo should have stayed home and spared us her treacly unfunny "human interest" stories about China.
• I'm looking forward to the track and field next week.
• So far it's been a pretty good Olympiad.

Monkey music round up

Do you like the rock and roll music?  Do you enjoy the loud raucous, good time rock that sounds like it was made by some exuberant twenty something dudes in their garage?  Do you like loud jangly guitars that play along side incessant boisterous drums?  If you like all those things then you'll dig this CD by the Lifters.  

It's basic stripped down good time rock and roll.  The songs are fun and raw sounding.  This is the kind of music you used to hear on FM radio before FM radio started to cater to rich white men who love the same fifteen classic rock songs and who demand that they get to hear them played over and over every hour of every day.  This CD reminds me of why corporate FM sucks moldy hairy sweaty stray dog ass.

It's not a long CD, in fact it if this had been released back in the day when albums ruled we would have called it an EP.  But part of it's charm is that it is a short CD.  If it were any longer then it would wear out it's welcome and begin to annoy you, kind of like how I do when you invite me over to your house.

If you like rootsy gut bustin' rock then the Lifters are right up your alley.  I quite liked them and their sound.

Monkey music round up

I'm sure somewhere in this guy's contract there is a provision that says that at live gigs they introduce him this way: "And now please put your hands together for the song stylings of David Yazbek." And then he and his band appear after a puff of smoke and they are all wearing berets and cool sunglasses.

The "song stylings" of Mr. Yazbek and his band consist of funky piano driven jazz influenced pop songs. I liked most them, especially "Monkey Baby Hanging On A Chicken Wire." The only problem I had with this CD was that it was about two or three songs too long. By the end of the CD you're sick of listening to these guys and you just wish they'd go away. Maybe if Yazbek had cut the length of a few of the songs it might have helped as well. Don't get me wrong, I liked this CD, I just thought it was too long.

I'll admit I had slight feeling of dread as I put this CD in, I thought this gal might be one of those whiny female singer song writers like the one I listened to and hated so much last week. But from the second she played her first note of music and the second I heard her voice I was hooked. And not just hooked mind you, I was blown away.

She's got a really great pop rock sound that has a twinge of country in it every now and again. The music more than compliments her angelic sounding voice. I loved the country influenced song called "Something To Me," the title track, the songs "Broken" and "Tell Me Something True," and the last cut on the CD "Mille Tendresses," which Ms. Merritt sings in French. I admit it, I'm a sucker for a beautiful blonde who sings anything in French.

Honestly, I can't recommend this gal enough. I love her sound, her songs, and her look. You can check her out on MySpace, You Tube, and on her own website.