It's a good start

I would add that all gun owners must purchase insurance for each gun that pays the medical bills of anyone who is shot with their weapon(s).

You know what's embarrassing?

Having a cousin who actually believes that Obama is going to try to take his guns and who gives a link to a web post by Allen West as his 'proof.'  I am ashamed to be related to someone so stupid.

Reach out and touch someone

"What's the difference between Christian mass shooters and Muslim mass shooters in the USA?"

"I don't know."

"The Christians are mentally ill and in need of prayer, while the Muslims are part of a worldwide conspiracy.  Oh, and I also want to sniff your hair."

"Dad, you're creepy, stop calling me."

"Hey...

...how come no good lookin' women will go out with us?  What's wrong with us?  Here we are waving around our substitute penises and we're dressed up all nice and shit.  You'd think they'd be all over us.  Oh well, one day we'll make 'em pay for not going out with us good guys with guns.  Yes we will."

Think about it

If you want to show people that guns and assault rifles are safe and that not every gun owner is a murderous idiot one insult away from a mass shooting rampage, then walking around waving your guns at easily frightened people is not the way to do it.

The fact is the streets and people's homes are far safer when there are no guns around.

Why do you need your gun?

 "I need it to shoot those sexy little boys who might go and tattle on me."

 "I need mine to stop Obamacare in it's tracks.  No one is getting socialized medicine at my hospital.  I'll stop it with a second amendment remedy if I have to."

 "I don't need any guns as long as I have poutine, back bacon, and a hockey puck.  But I'll take one anyway, just to protect myself from those god damn stupid gun loving Americans."

 "I need my gun because I never know when I'll see a target that needs shooting.  And because everybody in America is packing heat."

 "Jesus.  The answer to this question, and to any other question for that matter, is Jesus."

 "Misogynists." 

"American capitalists will soon run out of workers to shoot.  I need a gun for when they come over here and start shooting at us and trying to take my borscht burger.  All hail Comrade Putin!" 

 "I need mine to compensate for my tiny penis and because I fear black folks, gay dudes who might try to turn me gay, atheists, women, Gypsies, and anybody else who isn't a white guy with cheesy facial hair."

 "I need my gun because it makes me feel safe despite the fact that if I didn't have it no one could get shot with it.  And why do you want to know anyways?  You some kind of gun hating liberal who wants to take our guns and force us to get gay married to Mexicans?  Because I won't stand for that shit...wait...hang on...can I choose the Mexican guy I have to gay marry?  Because if I can, then I'm totally cool with you having my gun if I can marry a hot dude, but don't tell my wife I said that shit okay?  Fuck man, I'm hammered.  I been drinking since noon yesterday and I just smoked some reefer cigarettes that had been soaked in Oxycontin."  

"We don't call them guns, we call them spirit shooters!  And we need them to shoot unpopular people at pep rallies."

'Murica!

A future school shooter with her first gun.  Happy long weekend everybody!

I am a horrible person

When I first heard about today's mass shooting in Virginia, I thought, "Only four dead?  That's not too bad."  And I'm sure I wasn't the only one who thought that shit.

Seriously, what kind of country have we become when we're so used to shootings like this that we think that four dead isn't 'so bad.'  Fuck.

I hate the USA the NRA has foisted on us.  I will never buy, carry, or use a gun.  I refuse to become a part of their death machine.

Who said the NRA didn't have a sense of humor

Good one Wayne.  That 'press conference' of yours yesterday was pure comedy gold.

You had a week to come up with a response to the latest mass shooting of innocent children and what did you do?  You came out and blamed movies, TV, and video games for the murder of those first graders and their teachers.  And as if that wasn't funny enough, you also now demand that every school in the USA have an armed guard.  Your big ideas are to blame others and to put more guns in our nation's schools?

See dude?  Your shit has us all laughing like fucking crazy.

Columbine had armed guards, they didn't help.  VA Tech had a SWAT team who had all sorts of guns, that didn't stop that armed man with a gun from shooting bunches of college kids.  Seriously, MORE guns?  God damn man, you slay us...literally.

Dude, have you not noticed that they watch violent movies in Australia and Japan?  And they play violent video games there too.  But gun related deaths and mass shootings like we have in the USA just don't happen over there in Australia or Japan.  Why is that?  Oh, lemme see, maybe it's because they have strong gun control laws and regulations?  Yeah.  That's it.

But hey guy, good show yesterday Mr. NRA Head.  Very funny.  Hilarious in fact.  But now that you got the joke out of the way, come back on Monday and be prepared to give us some substantial ideas like closing the gun show loophole, banning the sale and use of clips that contain more than 10 bullets, banning the sale and use of hollow point bullets, you know, shit like that.  And also, be prepared to pony up some cash for all the funerals and family counseling for the families who lost loved ones in mass shootings.

Come on man, do the right thing for once. 

God is a bullet and his followers are psychos

Let's be clear and factual here, no child has ever been prevented from praying in any school in the USA.  The god of the Christians has not been 'kicked out' or 'asked to leave' any schools in the country.  What happened was that school administrators, public employees, were prevented from leading or encouraging Christian prayer in schools.  They were prevented from Christian proselytizing, although in some school systems they do it in direction violation of the law, I know the school system I was in from grade 7 through grade 12 did, because if they did it they were favoring one religion over another.  And by favoring one religion over another you establish a de facto state religion, and in case you forgot, the US Constitution expressly forbids the government from establishing a religion.

So when I hear people like Gomer Huckabee and that awful Bryan 'The Nazis were blood thirsty gay liberals' Fischer drone on and on about how their god let the school shooting in Connecticut happen because he had been kicked out and it took something like this to get him back in, it makes me want to vomit.  Assholes like Huckabee and Fischer and all the rest of the religious gun nuts use this argument not to soothe hurt feelings or as a way to explain why this awful tragedy happened, they're using it to justify why something like this happens.  The fact is they support the NRA and actually want more guns on the street and in the hands of more mentally ill people.  They will say anything, do anything, go to any length to use their book of fairy tales to give reasons why they think people should be armed and ready to shoot.

They are shameless cowards who stand behind the skirts of the whores in the NRA and big business and they do nothing but place obstacle after obstacle in the way of actually talking about this issue in a sane logical manner.  They want to keep people frightened and under their thumb and they do so by telling them that their god will be mad at them if they give up their hand guns and their 'liberty.'

I have no children of my own but I know a little about how it devastates a parent to lose a child.  It crushed my mother when my sister Linda got hit and killed by a car.  I could tell, even though I was 8 years old, how losing Linda took some of the life out of my mom.  She was never the same after Linda died.  One of Sparky's work friends from years back lost her grown son to a tragic mountain climbing accident a few years ago and she's still going through agony over her son's death.  A local friend lost his son a few months back and it's devastated him and his family.  So it's unconscionable for smug sanctimonious Christian assholes to say that 20 some kids got gunned down and killed because we don't let Christians indoctrinate in our public schools.  It's awful for them to say that these kids are in a better place now because they're with Jesus.  For them to say that maybe this was all part of their god's plan to get teachers armed while on the job is beyond stupid.

If you think your god is behind the shooting in CT, then fuck you.  If you think your god did this so more people can carry guns, then double fuck you.  This mass murder happened because our gun laws are too lax and because our system of delivering help to mentally ill people has broken down because rich people wanted more money.  This is what happens when you shred the social safety net while making sure anyone can get access to a gun.

And now here's a word or two from the god of the Christians

Look, it's not my fault I let that mass shooting go down in Connecticut yesterday.  Really it's not.  Just because I created the world and everything in it, and yes I created puppies, waterfalls, sunshine, HIV/AIDS, childhood cancer, fat smelly asses, pedophile priests, pollution, Fox News, ponies, and everything else, doesn't mean it's my fault.  I created you humans who created guns and bullets, I never dreamed you idiots would put the two of them together so quickly.  I gifted the beings on Platzorp 5 with the same knowledge but after the first time someone got killed by a gun they decided not to use guns and bullets.

But you know what?  I fucking told you people time and time again to praise me more often, so if you had been praising me more you'd have less time to shoot and kill little innocent kids.  So really, this mass shooting is on you.  It's your fault.  You didn't praise me enough.  I wanted more burnt offerings of animals and what did you give me?  The motherfucking Kardashians, Survivor, and Lindsay Lohan as Liz fucking Taylor in a Lifetime movie.  Do you not see now why I had to turn a blind eye to your children.

And another reason this tragedy in Connecticut went down was maybe I was busy answering the prayers of Christians who I actually like.  Maybe I was distracted when I was telling Pat Robertson all kinds of whacked out shit.  Hey, it's not like I'm a great multitasker after all, sure I created everything and I've been around forever and I write the songs that make the young girls sing but you know what?  I did all that shit but I've never been to me.  This 'deity' gig is hard sometimes.  So please, shut up, this is hard.  If you think it's not, then you try it.  Oh wait you can't because you're not me and I'm infallible.

My ways are mysterious, so fuck you.  Get off my back.