Lest we forget

Today let's remember all the people who died in all the wars who weren't in the military. Let's remember the war dead in Palestine, Iraq, Afghanistan, Rwanda, the country that used to be known as Yugoslavia, Vietnam, South Africa, Zimbabwe, Europe, Ireland, south and central America, and every where else.

And next time you sing or hear someone else sing God Bless the USA, remember all the people we killed and/or enslaved to corporate dictatorships and sham democracies so you can live the way you do today.

Happy day after Memorial Day motherfuckers.

Dolls are creepy

And I found this one to be especially creepy.

Memorial Day

Let's remember all we've lost in the past 10 years:

• civil liberties
• locally owned non corporate media
• free and fair elections
• the right to dissent
• protection for whistleblowers
• the EPA, FEMA, FDA
• union power
• hundreds of thousands of Afghans and Iraqis
• political parties that once worked for the people and not corporate America.

Just imagine how pissed off all those dead soldiers would be if they found out all they had fought for was now being pissed on and taken over by corporations and religious nut jobs.

Beer of the week

Beer, it's good for what ales you.

Riparian view of the week

Things that will happen before Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, Sarah Palin, or Michele Bachmann become President

• The earth will stop spinning.
• We will have marriage equality in the USA.
• The Cubs will win the World Series.
• The IMF will go broke.
• Christians will stop being hypocritical sanctimonious assholes.
• I'll win the Powerball and Mega Millions jackpots.
• 'Birthers' and teabaggers will become sane rational people.
• Salma Hayek will bear my love child.
• Pigs will fly.
• Michelle Malkin will show the world her penis.
• Pat Robertson and all other TV evangelists will admit they made up all that shit and they'll give back all the money they took from gullible people.
• I'll get a tattoo while being serenaded by the dulcet tones of death metal bands.

So, yeah, in other words, none of those delusional conservatives in the title of this post will ever be elected President of the United States. It's. Not. Going. To. Happen.

Busy, busy, busy

I'm busy working on getting the basement floor prepped for painting and sealing. So while I'm gone, enjoy Nova.

Rapture reaction round up

"I just know I got raptured 'cos I'm such a good Christian and all. So far heaven looks a lot like what it used to look like on earth. There's only one problem with this place though, there's still Mexicans here. I'm not sure why God lets though soulless beaners up here. Oh well, he works in some mysterious ways, so I guess it's all for the best."

"Of course I still believe in the holy word as preached by Harold Camping. After all if he was wrong about the rapture then he might just be wrong about everything else and holy shit, I can't have that. Praise Jesus!"

"Look, I know I'm just a baby and all but I'm pretty certain that Jesus didn't come back because Christians aren't hating gays, blacks, liberals, and women enough. And I'm also pretty certain I just shit my pants. Yo, I need a ass cleaning and a fresh diaper over here."

"What's the big freakin' deal? I have a rupture almost every week. What's that? Oh, rapture. Oh, my no, that shit is nuts. Ain't gonna happen."

"I know I'm in the minority here but I'm not worried about the rapture. I'm more worried that the homeless are going without food and shelter. I'm also worried that people with HIV/AIDS don't get enough care, respect, and love. And kids, I worry about kids not being taken care of properly, so I spend my time working on that kind of stuff instead of going around being a dick towards others."

Adventures in home ownership

First it was the replacing the stove. Then, after we escaped the tornadoes that hit our region, the next week a storm blew part of the huge maple tree on our neighbors lot on to part of our deck. After making arrangements to get that cleaned up, and I must add here that after having had a run in with the neighbor in question in the past, he could not have been nicer over all the tree clean up business, after mowing the lawn last Friday, I came in to find that one of the two water heaters that were here when we bought our current house had sprung a leak.

I called our plumber, and if you live near me and need a plumber I highly recommend the guy we use, and he came right out and fixed things. He could not however fix the water damaged carpeting that was in the basement.

We'd been threatening to rip that ugly ass carpet up from day one but we never could get motivated to do it. But having huge parts of it soaked with water did the trick. No amount of blotting would have saved that carpet and had we left it, it would have become a breeding ground for toxic mold. So Sunday morning we ripped it up.

We pulled it up and cut it into sections we could easily carry up the stairs and which would fit into the Sparky mobile. We pulled up the padding and we took out the strips of tack filled wood that they used to keep the edges down. This is the mound of carpet that is destined for our county dump:
And here's the basement floor without the carpet on it:
Giddy with joy after having gotten the carpet in the basement up and out, we decided to take the carpet on the steps up, it was the same awful pink/dusty rose color. We decided that if we didn't it would haunt us for the rest of our days. So up and out it went. Removing all the staples, carpet tacks, and tacking strips off the steps and the landing was a huge pain in the ass, actually it was a pain in my arm, knees, and back. It took us three days to get all of them out.

Next step is to scrape the basement floor, use a high powered concrete cleaner on it, paint it, and seal it. Hopefully, the fumes from the cleaner, the paint, and the sealer won't get us and neither will the labor involved.

During the dealing with all that the tree guys came Monday, after I had to call them and remind them that they agreed to come out that day, to cut the storm damaged tree off of our and our neighbor's property. They got to our place around 2PM and got to work. By 5:30 they had broken part of the wooden fence and snapped our cable, which put us out of watching any cable TV, using the phone, and kept us offline. Thankfully the tree is gone and Charter cable sent out a huffy little dude who got my cable hooked back up and all is well on that front, for the time being.

So dealing with all that shit has put me behind in my blogging, my Facebooking, and in finishing my current graphic novel. Once we get the floor done downstairs, maybe I can get back to some semblance of normal and I can finish Hip Deep, Mountain High by the middle of June.

On a happier note, I did manage to find time to make a batch of strawberry jam from locally grown strawberries.

And we're back

The tree removal people who guaranteed no damage when they removed the broken tree came yesterday. They removed the storm damaged tree but in doing so they knocked out our cable. And as usual, Charter did their usual 'stellar' job of getting it back on. Actually, I never have a problem with the technicians at Charter, it's the condescending people who answer the phones I have a problem with.

So, I'm back on and maybe later I'll tell you the tale of what happened when our hot water heater sprung a leak the other day. Yeah, I'll tell that tale later. I promise.

Truer words were never spoke

I'll have more on the 'rapture' later today or tomorrow. I'm waiting and hoping that the guy behind that 'event' kills himself, even though I know damn well he won't.

Wrong again

So another Christian group was wrong yet again. I'd tell these idiots to stop making these kind of idiotic sweeping announcements and to stick with what they do best, but then I realized that along with using their fairy tale book as an excuse to hate on and abuse others, this kind of thing is the kind of thing that they do best.

Every day they make me glad I'm not one of them. Every day they make me glad I'm an atheist.

Happy Rapture Day

If this blog post is the last thing you see, then it might as well be one that contains something beautiful. So here you go:

Vaguely sexist sound effect of the week

Let's get a few things straight

• Just because someone thinks differently than you and they refuse to accept your worldview and your opinions, that doesn't mean they are closed minded or hateful, it just means they have a different world view and they think differently than you.
• It's not 'Waa-la!,' it's 'Voilà!'
• When referring to yourself or something else as 'old,' it's not, for example, 'Ole Yeller.' It's
  Ol' Yeller. See the difference? Ole is a Spanish word. Ol' is the proper contraction for old.
• If I have hire someone and they use numbers instead of words, 4=for/ 2=to, in any written communication, I will fire them in a heartbeat.
• I don't not support Obama now because he's too liberal, I don't support him now because he's not liberal enough.
  
• First the stove, then the tree, and finally one of the water heaters. That's enough.
  
• If you hate my blog and what I write so much that you feel compelled to write me and tell me, then you need to get a life. I don't write this blog to please you. I write it to please and entertain me. If people like it, and many do since I have quite high daily traffic, that's great. If you hate it, I could care less.
• I'm kind of shocked that Crooks and Liars let a racist anti immigration hack do the blog round up this week. That guy they let do it this past week is a virulent anti immigrant jack ass who voted and stumped on his blog for McCain/Palin.
  

Dire warnings from American conservatives throughout history

"I told you it was a bad idea to declare independence and fight the war with Britain. We only won it because we got lucky. Now, please listen to me when I tell you that adopting this new fangled 'Constitution' is going to bring us nothing but trouble! We need to stick with the Articles of Confederation!"

"It's a bad idea to buy all that land from France! We don't need it. We've got to keep our country small so we can keep government small. And don't get me started on that we need to build a railroad nonsense. The founding fathers did just fine getting around on horses, with buggies, and by being carried by their slaves."

"This country will be ruined if we have to give up slavery. Ruined I tell you! We've got no business telling landowners what they can do. They are the backbone of this country, and besides those Negroes are only three fifths a person so they need to be white people's property. It's in the Bible, go read it."

"We've got to close our borders and keep the Italians, the Germans, the Hungarians, the Poles, and the Chinamen out of our great land. They'll take all our jobs and our women. And we need to crush unions, they are ruining our 19th century businesses! Huzzah!"

"This country will collapse if we give women the right to vote. It's too dangerous! If they get the right to vote then next thing you know all those Negroes will want to vote and if that happens, it's anarchy! And seriously, why haven't we crushed the labor movement yet?"

"We can't go to war with Germany! We must remain neutral. Our great country will go bankrupt financially and morally if we go to war with Germany. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's my turn to baby sit our new born baby..."

"The US of A will implode if we let them darkies have equality! And I should know, I'm the mayor of Sheboygan! If them darkies get equality they'll hook up with the Commies and the fags and all of them will steal our women. Praise Jesus and crush the labor movement!"

"Look, if big government raises taxes on me and Kip here, we won't be able to hire people to look after our yachts and mow the lawn we like to teabag each other on. Also, if we had to pay more in taxes then we'd have less money to spend on lobbyists and union busting goons. And please, don't get me started on how gay marriage and the Mexicans are going to destroy America."

American conservatives, wrong from day one, still wrong today.

Signs of the times

No, I did not photoshop this and I did not switch the signs or mess with it in any way.

A Monkey Book Report

There's a hell of a lot of action packed into this slender novel about modern Japan where two groups of outcasts end up violently clashing. It's fast paced, funny at times, and sad and silly at others.

This book tells the story of what happens when a group of young misfit males cross paths with a group of thirty something divorcees. Toss some murder, karaoke, and a college girl with disorientating facial features in the mix and you've got quite a ride.

I purposely don't want to tell you too much about the plot because it will spoil it for those who decide to read this book, and I recommend you read it, after all it's just a little over a hundred pages. I was disappointed it ended the way it did but when I thought about it, given the context of the story, the ending was very plausible.

I highly recommend this book. It's a very good snapshot of the lives of modern Japanese subcultures, it's very much in the same vein as Out by Natsuo Kirino.

Typical

When Newt gets caught slagging off another Republican, flip flopping on Libya, and his adultery comes back to haunt him, he does what all conservatives do, they turn around blame the liberal media. However, when Rupert Murdoch controls all the media, he'll have to blame the gays for all his failings, missteps, and gaffes.

A Monkey Movie Review

I never read the graphic novels this movie is based on, I'm not in the target demographic this movie is supposed to hit, but none of that stopped me from loving this film. I grew up reading comic books, I grew up playing video games, first in the arcades and then on home systems, so I totally 'get' this slick fun funny movie.

Already dating a hot little cute as a button girl, our hero meets Ramona, she of the many colored hair, and he falls in lust, at first, then love, with her. But as is often the case, the course of true love never did run smooth and it turns out our hero young Mr. Pilgrim must fight seven of Ramona's evil exes.

The mix of sly pop culture, cartoony action fight scenes, and young angsty love makes for one hell of a fun movie. The women are all cute, the guys are all grungy and cute, there's gays, rock and roll, and more over the top stuff than you can keep track of. And it's all done so fucking well that you can't help but smile and be sucked in.

I highly recommend this movie, especially if you're not familiar with the Scott Pilgrim saga. And I'm sure there's some Scott Pilgrim purist out there who reads this blog and who will feel obliged to leave me a comment telling me how much they hated this film and how badly they fucked it up when they brought it to the screen, but you know what? I could care less. I loved this film and that's all that counts. And I'm totally crushing on Knives and Ramona, and yeah, I know that makes me a dirty old man but I don't care.

Other things the CIA planted, oops, 'found' in bin Laden's compound

• Cases of pork rinds.
• A pallet of Jack Chick tracts.
• Love letters to Miley Ray Cyrus.
• Merkins.
• Lightly used fleshlights.
• Mike Huckabee posters.
• Pamela Geller love dolls.
• Love letters to Billy Ray Cyrus.
• A copy of The Satanic Verses.
• Elton John's Greatest Hits on cassette and 8 track.
• Bacon Bits.
• A letter from George W. Bush.
• One of those 'Hang in there Friday is coming!' motivational posters.
• Love letters in the sand.
• Two tiny Indonesian boys.
• Natalee Holloway's corpse.
• Nancy Grace's sense of propriety and shame.
• Two fingers of Two Fingers tequila.
• A signed copy of Jonathon Livingston Seagull.
• Signed copies of Ted Nugent and Ray Stevens CD's.
• Various copies of Superman comic books.
• Mouse poop.
• Janet Jackson.

It's sad really

In his unending effort to carry water for the lackluster Obama administration Oliver Willis shows he had no understanding of our legal system or history.

For the last time people, the foundations of our legal system are:

• accused people are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law, and yes that includes people in the military for all you Bradley Manning haters out there.
• all people are entitled to due process of law, that includes people you don't like or who may or may not have committed unspeakable heinous crimes.
• torture and assassination are always wrong.
  
• it's better that many guilty go free rather than one innocent person be wrongly convicted and imprisoned.
  

The situational ethics of some people amaze me. If it was wrong for Bush to break years of international law and precedent in his war of terror, then it's wrong for Obama to do it as well. Wrong is wrong no matter what the political party of the person in the White House giving the orders.

Royalty sighting of the week

Found art of the week

To appreciate this painting of a woman who is naked and washing herself in a wash tub while being serenaded by a guy on horseback, you need to click to click on the photo and then click on it again to see it in all it's cheesy glory.

30 Day Movie Challenge-Day 30

Your favorite film.
I could have chosen The Godfather, Bring It On, the original version of Star Wars, Brazil, Stripes, Lost in Translation, Caddy Shack, or Apocalypse Now, but in the end, it's Animal House.

30 Day Movie Challenge-Day 29

A movie from your childhood.
This movie scared the shit out of me when I was a kid.

Sign of the times

Blogger has been a royal dickbag the past day or so. They lost posts, including my post about the current crop of handicapped douchebags who want to be the GOP nominee, and were down for over 12 hours. Seriously guys, buck up and get your shit fixed or Facebook will continue to eat your fucking lunch.

30 Day Movie Challenge-Day 28

Favorite movie from your favorite director.
One of my all time favorites.

30 Day Movie Challenge-Day 27

A movie you wish you'd seen in a movie theatre.
I have an unspeakable love for this film. It's one of the few films that I wish I had seen in a theatre.

If a tree falls on your house and you're there to hear it, does anyone else hear you cry?

Part of a dying tree fell on our property missing our house by just a few feet last night. We were without power, phone, cable, and internet since last night when the tree fell. They got our power back on around 1:30 PM and our other stuff came back on around 3:30 PM. We've been doing some clean up and we're waiting on tree service people to come by and give us some estimates on getting the rest of the tree cut and hauled off our property.

Oy, the joys of home ownership.

Cooking with Dr. Monkey

I made pimento cheese spread, a southern staple snack food, for the first time yesterday. I used a recipe out of an old issue of Southern Living magazine, which sometimes slips up and allows a photo of a black person to accompany one of their articles. I modified their recipe some. Here's what I did:

I started off by oven roasting a sweet red bell pepper and one jalapeno pepper that I had rubbed with extra virgin olive oil and sprinkled with sea salt.
While the peppers roasted I grated two store brand 8 ounce packages of cheddar cheese. After shredding the cheese, I added a softened package of fat free cream cheese and I tried to mix it all together in my food processor.
It didn't work so well so I scooped the cheese and the cream cheese out. I then put in 4 ounces of drained pimentos, half a cup of mayo, 2 tablespoons of Worcestershire sauce, and a few tablespoons of olive oil. I pulsed that all together and then I added the roasted peppers, some of which I had peeled the skin off of, and I pulsed that all together. Next I added the cheese and the cream cheese.

It mixed well until I got about two thirds of the way through. Then it clogged and wouldn't spin. So I scooped it all out and I mixed it all in my mixing bowl. That did the trick.
That's what it looked like after I mixed it all up. Taste wise, it's very good.

However, the recipe I followed called for three 8 ounce packages of cheese, I used two and it still made a shitload of spread. So next time I'm only using one package of cheddar and I'm ramping up the peppers. Also I'll salt it a bit more and add a tablespoon of cracked black pepper. The possibilities and varieties of this spread are endless, so I'll keep tinkering until I get a version I really really really like. And unless it a convenience thing, I won't buy pimento cheese spread at the store anymore, I'll make it at home because it's so dead simple to make.

Now, if I can just figure out a way to make low fat inexpensive Moon Pies and RC Cola, I'll have all the southern staple snack foods covered.

30 Day Movie Challenge-Day 26

A movie you love but everyone else hates.
When this film came out it was fashionable to dump on it and scream about how bad it was. There was only one problem with all that, the movie didn't suck. Critics hated it because Jonathan Demme had the gall to remake an Audrey Hepburn movie with a black actress playing the role 'la Hepburn' had played. It's not a great film but it's highly enjoyable. And the leads acquit themselves well in it.

Barn of the week

I love you, you're perfect...

...now change!

30 Day Movie Challenge-Day 25

The most hilarious movie you've ever seen.

Th Python films are all funny but they'll all uneven. For me, Airplane! is the most consistently funny film ever. I had heard nothing about it when I saw in the theatre and it blew me away with all the jokes and gags. I was depressed over getting dumped by a girl when I went in to see this movie but when I came out, after having laughed so much, I forgot all about that stupid girl who had jilted me. And when I see this film today, it still makes me laugh.

30 Day Movie Challenge-Day 24

That one awesome movie idea that still hasn’t been done yet.
No one's made a movie based on my novel...yet.

Happy Mother's Day to my mom

The late great Norma Kathleen Wells Denton. She was the best.