Meet the newest members of the Better Baptist Bureau

Here are the 2012 inductees to the Better Baptist Bureau:

 Rev. Peter Likely and his lovely wife Hippolyte Sue.  Peter graduated from West Texas Baptist Seminary and Auto Body Repair and his wife has always been a homemaker.  They both served as missionaries in the wild and untamed area known as Chinatown in New York City.  When not saving souls and shaming Jews for not accepting Christ, they enjoy backgammon, raising show ponies, and crossing out dirty words in library books.

Rev. Kyle Sandlick and his lovely wife Debbie hail from Eau Claire, Wisconsin.  They have five children of their own and they sponsor two orphans in darkest Africa.  Their ministry is focused on bringing backsliding Methodists back to the one true faith, saving Mormons, and judging others harshly.  They home school their children to keep them pure and on date night they like to hang out at truck stops and talk dirty in Esperanto. 

 Rev. Dale Dingus and his wife Velma have a two room church off Route 4 near the dumpsters that are always on fire.  Their ministry is a dynamic praise based one that incorporates preaching, modern dance, and internet porn.  Dale and Velma also love ministering to children and scaring them with tales about the horrors of evolution and the coming one world Zionist Occupation Government.

 Rev. Constant Throbbin and his wife Consuela Jimenez have a ministry that serves illogical immigrants.  They travel the highways and byways of north America in a motor home named Schrodinger's Penis, which is highly illogical.  They pray constantly that our loving God the Father will turn their motor home into a rocket ship that will take them to the planet Vulcan so they can bring the good news about Jesus to the godless logic loving aliens who live there.  Consuela also dreams of watching her husband nude wrestle Captain Kirk and Donald Rumsfeld.

Rev. Lyndon Carter and his wife Beaverly enjoy serving the homeless, tending to disaffected loners, and bedding the occasional shiftless drifter.  When not ministering to their flock at Vuvuzela Memorial Baptist Church they can be found at the dog track or praising Jesus at a glory hole.  Lyndon would like everyone to know that the embezzling charges were never proven and that his wife has been given a clean bill of health by the local rabies authorities. 

Please remember to support all the Baptist Churches in your area with your attendance but mostly with your cash. 

A very special guest post from the late Dale Evans

Hello everyone, Dale Evans here with a quick recap of the past few days under the new hate crimes bill. Good dead born again Christians like me know that this new bill that extended the same rights to homosexuals that you live Christians and Jews already have is going to ruin our once great nation, just as many in the religious community have said. They knew things were going to change but they didn't know how drastically they'd change or how quickly they'd change. Here's what happened just this past weekend as a result of those homos being protected under the same God given rights as you and other believers in Christ and Creationism:

Many jars of various pickled items went uneaten this weekend because pot luck dinner after pot luck dinner at church after church was canceled out of fear that gay attendance at all pot luck church dinners was now mandatory under the new law.

Christians were boiled alive and no one was allowed to speak out about it because doing so would be a labeled a hate crime.

Doctor Doom was buggered by that flamer the Human Torch and he got fisted by the Incredible Hulk. Christian voices were kept silent in keeping with the tolerance promoted by the new law.
Pigs were forced to mate with Muslims and Jews while Christians were told not to say anything about it.

Cats and children were made to fornicate as well.

And finally, under the new hate crimes law it's a crime against fashion for Christians not to dress like homosexuals and so millions of followers of Jesus went out and bought up all the flannel shirts and soft ball uniforms on the planet and as a result of that lesbians were forced to wear pretty fairy costumes but most of them did so in an ironic way.

I hope for your sakes that Jesus decides to start the rapture and come back soon, but honestly, I wouldn't count on it because he's having too much fun partying with Elvis, George Carlin, Josephine Baker, Dorothy Parker, Marilyn Monroe, Gandhi, Miles Davis, and Picasso. So you're going to be on your own for a while longer and if I was you, I'd learn to get along and stop being such douchebags towards people you don't like or understand. Heck, if I can learn to live and let live with that whore Princess Diana, then you people ought to be able to do the same.

Who's pissing off the Christian Taliban now?

My good friend Calvin is! He posted this picture


on his blog in this blog post. And of course this pissed then off. Strangely, it also pissed off some people who claimed that they weren't Christians or religious. They said Calvin was being mean to the Christians by putting up his blog post and using the above accurate picture, in other words Calvin wasn't being respectful enough of the Christian fairy tale for their tastes.

Well, you know what? Unless you agree with them 100 % and accept their fairy tales as fact they will never ever leave you alone. It matters not a bit to them that you don't believe. They keep trying to turn you into one of them. If you tell them to leave you alone, they keep coming at you endlessly repeating their version of their fairy tale. And they claim they only do this because they love you and want to save you from hell so you can go to heaven. So no matter what you say they keep trying to turn you into one of them.

They say are using their freedom of speech to talk to you about their fairy tale and they are merely exercising their freedom of religion to try to rope you into being a part of their particular sect. So, it's all perfectly fine for them to use those rights which are given to them under the US Constitution. However, it's not okay for you to use your right of free speech to say anything they decree as bad about religion and their fairy tale. They love to ignore the fact that freedom of religion also means that you and I are free not to have one if we so choose. They shout we're declaring war on their fairy tale by not joining them in their mass delusion. They say that we have to respect their fairy tale while they show no respect for our decision to think for ourselves and to not join them in their religion.

Well, I call bullshit on them. No matter how many times you tell me the 'good news' about Jesus I'm not going to believe it. No matter how many times you invite me to your church, I'm not going to come. No matter how loudly you proclaim that you are a true believer and that I should be as well, I'm going to scoff at you. And I'm going to back up people like Calvin who choose to speak out against the Christian Taliban and their insidious anti intellectual, anti science, and anti common sense nonsense.

If you believe in one of those fairy tales, be it the Christian one, the Jewish one, the Muslim one, the Sikh one, the Scientology one, or the Wiccan one, then that's fine. It's your life and you can choose what you believe in. I choose to believe in common sense and what I can see, hear, feel, taste, and touch. I choose to put my faith not in things I can't see or hear, but in what's real. If you get off on Jesus, or Moses, or Joseph Smith, or Xenu, then that's on you, just don't try to make me believe in the same shit as you and don't tell me or my friends that we should keep quiet and show your religion some respect if you don't respect our decision not to have a religion.

And you people, especially you born again Christians, need to stop using your book of fairy tales to justify hating on gays, black people, Mexicans, women, and science. Grow the hell up and evolve with the rest of us, or even better, just leave all of us alone, we do fine without your Bronze age moralizing.

You are now and always will be my friend

It looks like I pissed off some thickheaded Christian and they complained to Facebook that I'm some kind of menace, so Facebook is fucking with my main account. So in response to that I set up a new account. If you get a friend request from me, then friend me again if you like.

And if the person who I pissed off on Facebook also reads my blog, I have but one thing to say to you, "Fuck you."