Thursday, June 28, 2012

Meet the newest members of the Better Baptist Bureau

Here are the 2012 inductees to the Better Baptist Bureau:

 Rev. Peter Likely and his lovely wife Hippolyte Sue.  Peter graduated from West Texas Baptist Seminary and Auto Body Repair and his wife has always been a homemaker.  They both served as missionaries in the wild and untamed area known as Chinatown in New York City.  When not saving souls and shaming Jews for not accepting Christ, they enjoy backgammon, raising show ponies, and crossing out dirty words in library books.

Rev. Kyle Sandlick and his lovely wife Debbie hail from Eau Claire, Wisconsin.  They have five children of their own and they sponsor two orphans in darkest Africa.  Their ministry is focused on bringing backsliding Methodists back to the one true faith, saving Mormons, and judging others harshly.  They home school their children to keep them pure and on date night they like to hang out at truck stops and talk dirty in Esperanto. 

 Rev. Dale Dingus and his wife Velma have a two room church off Route 4 near the dumpsters that are always on fire.  Their ministry is a dynamic praise based one that incorporates preaching, modern dance, and internet porn.  Dale and Velma also love ministering to children and scaring them with tales about the horrors of evolution and the coming one world Zionist Occupation Government.

 Rev. Constant Throbbin and his wife Consuela Jimenez have a ministry that serves illogical immigrants.  They travel the highways and byways of north America in a motor home named Schrodinger's Penis, which is highly illogical.  They pray constantly that our loving God the Father will turn their motor home into a rocket ship that will take them to the planet Vulcan so they can bring the good news about Jesus to the godless logic loving aliens who live there.  Consuela also dreams of watching her husband nude wrestle Captain Kirk and Donald Rumsfeld.

Rev. Lyndon Carter and his wife Beaverly enjoy serving the homeless, tending to disaffected loners, and bedding the occasional shiftless drifter.  When not ministering to their flock at Vuvuzela Memorial Baptist Church they can be found at the dog track or praising Jesus at a glory hole.  Lyndon would like everyone to know that the embezzling charges were never proven and that his wife has been given a clean bill of health by the local rabies authorities. 

Please remember to support all the Baptist Churches in your area with your attendance but mostly with your cash. 


Mnmom said...

Backsliding Methodists - you are too much my good friend

kirby said...

Constance Throbbin would have been an awesome stripper name back in the 1880's.

Highroad to Nowhere said...

Beaverly wants me follow the yellow brick road!