True improv tales

One of the funniest things my buddy Todd ever said on stage during one of our improv comedy shows was, "I tried to audition for The Vagina Monologues but they wouldn't let me. They said there was no opening for me."

Once while we were playing the improv game Song Styles, which is a game where you have to make up a song based on a style of music or in the style of a particular musician about something the audience chooses, I got the following audience suggestions, Jimi Hendrix and NASCAR. Todd, he was our guitar player in addition to being one of the group members, began to play some Hendrixesque music and I sang the following words:

Riding around on a big old race track

in a car painted silver and black,

shifting gears on the fly,

'Scuse me while I pass this guy.

It's important for you to remember that there is no off position on my genius switch. Or my humble switch either.

Someone is having a birthday today

Former beauty queen, TV sportscaster, Muppet fondler, and first lady of Kentucky, Phyllis George is having a birthday today.



Smokin' hot singer Carly Simon's birthday is today too.

If Eric "George Orwell" Blair was alive today he'd be celebrating his birthday too. He'd party like it was 1984.

Space mom and Lassie owner June Lockhart is also having a birthday today.

Filmmaker Sidney Lumet is celebrating the day of his birth today as well.

The pot smoking half of Wham is also having a birthday today. George, have faith baby, you're career will bounce back. Maybe.

My buddy Todd's birthday is also today. He turns 50, I think. I could be wrong though, but I doubt it.

But lastly and most important of all, my girlfriend's birthday is today. She'd kill me if I put her picture on here, and she may kill me for even doing this, but what the heck. Happy Birthday Honey Bun. You're the best.

A true story about telling a made up story

The fabulous D Cup's comments on our humble blog today reminded us of a story we made up one night on the fly as we played cards on Yahoo.

It was well past midnight here at Monkey Muck HQ and we, someday we will tell the story of why we use the royal 'we' most of the time, were playing Spades on Yahoo. The people we were playing against noticed that we were not saying much. They chided us for it and then went on with their banal banter. Things went on like that until one of them said to us that they were going to play slowly on purpose if we did not say something, so we started telling them a story.

Let us preface this story with the statement that our friend Todd loves to quote Nietchze for comic effect anytime he thinks the situation warrants it. And he loved to quote Nietchze on stage during our improv comedy shows.

Ok, on with the story we told the idiots we were playing cards with that night on Yahoo:

"I was having a cocktail late one night in my mansion on Sneetch Island when a blackbird flew in the through the window. It perched on the mantle and stared at me. I was creeped out.

Not too long after that Russell Crowe came in to my home and demanded that I let him use my cell phone. Not wanting any trouble and still creeped out by the bird, I of course quickly agreed to his request.

Just as he was about to dial the phone we heard screams coming from the nunnery down the road from my mansion. Russell and I ran out of the house and towards the nunnery. The bird followed us, eyeing me as it flew.

We ran into the nunnery and we saw the Abbess standing there in the foyer screaming at the top of her lungs. She was white as a sheet and her fists were clenched by her sides as she screamed over and over again.

Suddenly Russell Crowe became angry that all that was going on was us standing there watching the Abbess scream. He drew my cell phone back and he threw it at her with all his might. But before it hit her the blackbird swooped down and grabbed it out of mid-air.

Russell Crowe became disgusted with the whole scene so he stormed out in a huff. The Abbess stopped screaming and she began to stare at me. I was captivated by her gaze and so I started back. We stood there staring at each other, our eyes boring holes into one another.

Then all at once she turned and ran when she saw Russell Crowe come back in the room. I stood there dumbfounded. I looked over at him and I said, 'What just happened here?

He shrugged and said, 'Sometimes when you stare into the Abbess, the Abbess also stares into you.' "

Needless to say they all thought we were an idiot because they did not get the joke. As for us, we still laugh to ourselves when we see a nun, Russell Crowe, and or a blackbird.