Children of the world: Italy (Remixed)

 Italian parents are no longer allowed to drop children off at the park so they can be raised by feral cats and dogs, by law now they must provide them with some sort of shelter.  Lucky children are allowed to live in cars that have been donated by Americans.  Unlucky ones must live on the grounds of the Vatican.

 Children in Italy are frequently allowed to eat with adults.  The most delicious looking ones are fattened up and eaten during the feast of Saint Arbuckle.

Indoor bathing is still prohibited by law in most all Italian cities, so children who want to clean themselves must do so in public fountains and watering troughs.

 Until recently it was thought that it was a waste of time to teach an Italian child to read.

 The most popular exhibit at all Italian museums is 'The history of the penis in ancient and modern art.'

Children in Italy are encouraged to ride public transportation.  The hope is the money they will steal off foreigners will be used to buy more cheap wine and heroin.

 Italian oral hygiene is second only to that of the British.

 Priests in Italy don't molest Italian children, but they do use Italian children to help them meet children who aren't as dirty and disoriented as native born Italians.

Ping pong is the most popular pastime for Italian children.  Huffing gasoline and running into traffic are second and third.

A Day with Debbie (remixed for Republicans!)

 Debbie was bored and she wanted to go out and have fun so she told her mom:

 "Mom, I'm getting the fuck out of Dodge for a while.  I need to let off some steam, take some drugs, do some vandalism, have an abortion, and incite voter fraud."

Her mom said, "That's fine honey, your out of work dad and I needed some some sexy alone time so we could make another baby that our big government overlords will have to feed because we take no personal responsibility for our lives or the children we bring into this world. Be sure to take your little brother with you or he might want to sex me up too.  On second thought, leave him here in case your meth addicted dad can't get it up.  Hail Obama!"

As soon as she got outside she saw some kids exercising and playing a game that the patriarchy uses to keep vaginal Americans oppressed, so she broke the game up and told the boys to follow her.  The lads were God fearing Jesus loving children but they were entranced by Debbie's out of control sexuality, so they meekly submitted and followed her.

 "Hey look!," cried one of the boys, "She's displaying and I'm getting a boner!"  "You mount her first," said the little Negro boy, "I might stretch her out with my big penis that I now plan to stick in every white female I see!" 

 But Debbie had other plans.  She pulled her dress down so the boys could not mate with her and she did that because she saw something in the bushes.  It was something that all feminists love and can not resist!  It was an illegal immigrant Mexican lesbian! 

Debbie and her Mexican lesbian friend cavorted through the neighborhood flaunting their sexual depravity while forcing others to become atheists, kill kittens, and to steal the Social Security checks and prescription medicine from white senior citizens.

After making a mockery of all that's right, true, and holy, Debbie said goodbye to her friends and she went home.  Her mother welcomed her home and then they went to a rich person's house and stole some food to make their lunch with.

After they ate lunch they enjoyed some hard core pornography, burned some Bibles, and wiped their lazy butts with an American flag while they prayed that Obama would always bless them with unemployment checks and that he'd keep supporting the war on Christmas.

So all in all, it was just another regular day in Debbie's inner city life. 

Least Competent Mothers

From the AP via Yahoo via Raw Story:

Toddler Served Margarita in a Sippy Cup
A toddler who was served a margarita at a restaurant earlier this week is doing well, and investigators say the incident appears to have been an accident. Police say 2-year-old Julian Mayorga ordered apple juice but instead received an alcoholic beverage in a covered, plastic sippy cup on Monday night at an Applebee's franchise in Antioch, between San Francisco and Sacramento.

The boy's mother, Kim Mayorga, said she noticed Julian making funny faces and pushing away his cup. She opened the lid and was hit by the smell of tequila and Triple Sec. The toddler grew drowsy and started vomiting a few hours later and was rushed to the hospital. "I wasn't going to make a big deal about it," the mother said Thursday, "but then he got sick."

Meanwhile in other childrearing news this mother clearly needs to spend more time with one of her daughters. See if you can guess which daughter needs more time with her Mommy!

Some days I thank the dark gods that spawned me that I am childless.