Things that need to happen in the new year

• Twenty-something cashiers need to learn how to make change and that they are there to serve the customer.
• Creepy old men who want to hit on twenty-something cashiers need to do that shit when there aren't people waiting in line behind them.
• Large sums of money need to appear in my and Sparky's bank accounts.
• I need to be more grateful for friends both near and far that I've made over the past few years. Since most of my family is either dead or dead to me, you friends are my family now.
• Red light cameras need to short circuit and radar guns need to malfunction.
  
• HBO needs to unchain itself from it's idiotic outdated corporate policies and either release it's many series to Netflix streaming, HuluPlus, or make their Roku channel a subscription service.
• My teabagging Congressman who refuses to introduce a bill making drug testing mandatory for all people and companies who receive any federal monies needs to resign and get the hell off of Fox Noise.
• The interstellar travel and the underwater cities we were promised when I was a kid need to materialize soon. I'm not getting any younger.
• My frequent insomnia needs to be more infrequent.
• Weight needs to be shed and sheds need to be weighed.
• The 99% of us who aren't stinking rich need to stop voting against our self interest so that we can turn out the incumbents who keep us down.
• Americans need to get over the delusion that if we keep electing Democrats and Republicans that things will magically change. Things will never change until we smash the corrupt dictatorship of the two party system in our country.
  

That's all for now. I'm sure I'll think of other things that need to happen in 2012 later, so stay tuned.

Deficit cutting recommendations from the Monkerstein Commission

Here's how we end the deficit:

• End the wars of terror on Iraq and Afghanistan and bring all troops and equipment home.
• End all foreign occupations immediately and bring all our troops and equipment home.
• End farm subsidies.
  
• Cut military spending to the bone.
• Institute a 50 percent income tax on individuals making over $250,000 a year. (It used to be 90% back during the 1940's and '50's, and we still created thousands of jobs.)
  
• Make individuals pay Social Security tax on 100 percent of their income, not just the first $106,000.
• Raise corporate taxes.
• Tax all businesses one dollar per square foot for every square foot of land their business occupies.
  
• Tax all religious institutions.
• Legalize and tax industrial hemp.
• Legalize and tax marijuana for recreational use.
• Institute a gas guzzler tax. If you want to buy a huge gas guzzling SUV, then you can... but you have to pay at least half the purchase price back in taxes.
• End all corporate tax breaks on the local, state, and federal levels.
• Heavily tax all forms of gun related ammunition. If you want to own a handgun, fine, but you're going to pay through the nose for bullets.

My plan is a good mix of ending wasteful spending and raising monies to pay for the kinds of things we want as a country. It's much fairer and more balanced than the current plan that just got shit out of Erskine Bowles and Alan Simpson's asses.

And my plan is the center piece of my 2012 presidential campaign. That's right America, Dr. Monkey is once again running for President.