Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Christmas Special 2012: It's an awfully Antipodean Christmas (or Holiday down under!)

That's right people, it's time for my annual Christmas special and this year it's, aside from me, all antipodean!  Why?  Because it's my fucking special and I'll do it with who I want, where I want.  You're not the boss of me goddamn it, especially at Christmas time.  I do what I want.  And this year after watching so many Aussie imports on Netflix and HuluPLUS, I decided I wanted to spend this Christmas special with as many hot antipodean honeys as I could.  So tune in this weekend and you'll see me and Alison Bell under the mistletoe.

We'll be kissing and doing a duet of the classic Aussie Christmas tune, 'It's beginning to look a lot like Bogans.'
Next up the lovely Celia Paquola will snowball me in front of a crowd of half naked drunken elves.

 After a brief shower, I'll unwrap Madeleine West and give her a Yule log she won't soon forget.

Anna Hutchison will join us for a rousing version of 'I saw Santa's Billabong in Mommy's Didgeridoo.'
After a word from our sponsors, Schlubby Soda, Graham's Reindeer Crackers (now with 10% more dried reindeer organs!), and Vaginal Intrusion Brand Sanitary Pads, Asher Keddie and I will conspire while we shit by the fire.
Of course I'll need a shower after that, so I'll soap up and get dirty with Jane Harber while parolees from an unnamed prison in Tasmania watch.

Once I'm all dried and dressed again, Jenna Lind joins me for bit of slap and tickle in a punch bowl full of wassail, after which we're sure to be arrested on public drunkenness charges, so I'll call
Simone Kessell to bail me out and she'll arrive in Santa's sleigh wearing nothing but goodwill towards men.  After I check her for crocodile bites in all her private places, we'll swing by and pick up
 the lovely Georgina Haig and we'll drive her into the new year. 

So yeah, this looks to be my best Christmas special yet, so join me, my cast of awesome antipodean babes, my house band, Mojo Nixon and the Toadliquors, and let us all help you ring in the holiday season in style!


Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

There's no need to add your own 'jokes.' I wrote the ones I wanted, I don't need you to add yours, thanks.

SkylersDad said...

I don't know who some of these fine ladies are, but away I go to the image search machine for more!

dguzman said...

Sure to become a holiday classic!