Thursday, January 5, 2012

Final Iowa results

The corporate media won't tell you the final results in Iowa, but I will.

  1. Mitt Romney
  2. Rick Santorum
  3. Ron Paul
  4. Newt Gingrich
  5. Rick Perry
  6. Michele Bachmann
  7. Jon Huntsman
  8. Herman Cain
  9. Tim Tebow
  10. An Egg Salad Sandwich
  11. Player to be named later
  12. Ronald Reagan
  13. Nancy Reagan
  14. Reagan and Goneril
  15. Gilgamesh
  16. Azaroth the Blighted One
  17. Sarah Palin's funk filled dirty thong
  18. Tantoo Cardinal
  19. Nipsy Russell
  20. Russell Crowe
  21. Seriously, anyone but Romney
  22. 867-5309
  23. Ron Paul's racist homophobic newsletters
  24. The First Presbyterian Church of Des Moines newsletter
  25. Holy shit, we're gonna be stuck with a dude named 'Mitt' as our nominee


UberDILF said...

"Sarah Palin's funk filled dirty thong" was delightfully shudder inducing

Lisa Golden said...

I feel much more informed. Keep this up and you'll counteract the damage the cable news networks have done to my synapses.

Some Guy said...

I have always thought an egg salad sandwich would have what it took to get our country back on track. Too bad it faired so poorly. I hope it does better in New Hampshire. For all our sakes.

Mnmom said...

Thank God someone's willing to tell us the truth. I'm surprised Nipsy Russell showed so poorly.

Professor Chaos said...

Man, I wish Nipsy Russell was running. Draft Nipsy Russell!

Lulu Maude said...

MacnCheese! MacnCheese!

Corn dog for VP.