Thursday, December 23, 2010

Girls in hats really want to break down current events for you, no, really, they do

"I'd love to talk about that dreamy Julian Assange and this whole Wikileaks business but I'm kinda busy now. I'm holding up the north pole. Some guy paid me fifty bucks to keep this thing erect until Santa comes down my chimney."

"I'd love to chat about how we're screwing up our climate by burning all those icky fossil fuel thingys but I can't because I'm working on my tan. And don't even think about getting any information out of the chick with the umbrella, she's so hopped up on Drano and grapefruit wine that she can't see straight."

"You asked, I'm not telling."

"I'd love to talk about the big tax cut my rich parents just got but I can't because I'm on my way to burn down a socialist United Methodist church. How dare those bastards preach about love, forgiveness, and social justice when we all know the Bible says Jesus only loves rich white people who make war and use up all the stuff his daddy stuffed the earth with."
"I haven't got time to talk to you about net neutrality, how the tax cuts are going to fuck our economy harder than a Roman Catholic Priest pounds a 10 year old boy's butt, or how the tea baggers love racism more than Liza Minnelli loves marrying gay dudes. I can't talk about all that because I'm a Neneh Cherry/Lisa Bonet/Terrence Trent D'Abry impersonator and I finally got a gig on an episode of VH1 Classic's new show, We've Done Every Conceivable Program About Heavy Metal That We Can Think Of, So Here's One About The Music And Pop Culture Of The Late '80's/Early '90's."


Barbara Bruederlin said...

Girls with hats, they just know these things.

McGriddle Pants said...

You notice how almost all the pics are from the 80's?!

Lets you know something about the fashionability of hats... ;)

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

All the pics were from the '80's McGriddle. I got them from two late '80's issues of Seventeen magazine. ;o)