1) When I was a little boy I loved the TV show The Waltons. The reason I loved it so much was because I had the hots for Miss Michael Learned. Here's a shot of her at some awards show in the early '70's:
Hubba hubba, I wanted her even before I knew what to do if I ever got her.
2) Once when I was very young I found out my Dad was leaving us to go back in the mental hospital. I got mad at him for going and to express my anger I peed on one of his in progress oil paintings.
3) My crazy aunt used to insist that anyone could carry a tune and sing well, even me, so she kept making me join the kid's choir in which ever church we were in at the time. I knew damn well I couldn't sing on key to save my life and I hated being in choir. I finally cured her of it by singing as loud as I could when we sang in front of the whole church. After people heard how bad sounded she got embarrassed and yanked me out of the kid's choir.
4) No priest ever molested me when I was a Roman Catholic but several nuns hit me pretty damn hard when I was in St. Monica's Catholic School.
5) I got paddled once in elementary school for running down the hall. The guy who paddled me was a one time boxer who had to cut his boxing career short when he got polio. The son of a bitch took his misery and anger out on defenseless kids and if I ever come across him again I might just beat him with a big fucking wooden paddle until he can't hardly sit down again.
6) One of the biggest highs I ever got was when I made the whole class in 8th grade crack up. I forgot what I said but I'll never forget the feeling of knowing that I could make a whole room full of people laugh their asses off.
7) The first three or four times I smoked pot I did not get high. I almost didn't do it again after the fourth time because I thought I was immune.
8) When I was in college a girl took me home on spring break one year but I was too shy to make a pass at her.
9) I did two musicals in college even though I can't sing. The director taught me to talk in time with the music and it worked.
10) I began my working life at the age of 13. My crazy aunt insisted we get jobs so that would could help pay for "room and board." I found out years later that while we were working and paying for our room and board she was also getting money from the state for being a foster parent to me and my brothers and sister.
11) I was supposed to go into the Air Force right out of high school but I cut my arm pretty bad in an accident and they would not take me. It's a good thing they didn't because I found out pretty quick that I hated taking orders from people who I think are less intelligent than me.
12) I loved my apartment and neighborhood in Roanoke, VA with a white hot burning passion. I hated to leave it but I had to move because I couldn't afford it after being laid off from the pipe factory where I had been working. Some day I'll write about that apartment and my old neighborhood but I know whatever words I use will not be able to convey what that place meant to me then.
13) The two months I lived in Cairo (pronounced Kay-ro) GA were the worst two months of my life.
14) I think movie Once Were Warriors is one of the most underrated films ever made.
15) I did a TV commercial for a woman's clothing store that aired in parts of Louisiana. A friend of mine in Knoxville wrote and shot it. The premise was that a chick walks by me as I am playing football with some friends. She is dressed in clothes she bought at the store in Louisiana and she looks so good that I stare at her instead of catching the ball. The ball then hits me in the head and and after I fall she helps me up. I'm pretty sure it's in the TV Commercial Hall of Fame now.
16) I used to write radio commercials for an ad agency that did all the radio spots for Hooters. I would always write three or four different versions of whatever ad they asked me to work on and I would always include a Monty Python-esque medieval themed version but they never would use them. They loved the psychiatrist/patient and auto mechanic/customer themed ads that I'd write. Go figure.
Now, wasn't that fun and painless? I tag every one who reads this except Beth Coffey and Delia Guzman because they just did it. And if you don't want to do it either then that's okay too.
13 comments:
I always figured you could sing-talk like Johnny Cash.
And, writing a medieval version? Very sexy.
dr m - the multi-talented dr m.
you freak you
You are one interesting primate.
I find it interesting that Papa Bush was head of the RNC under Richard Nixon
Michael Learned was the original MILF, no doubt.
Dang, Dickens could've penned another novel off of you.
Re. #7: that has been my experience, too. I've smoked pot twice, nothing happened - not even the fucking MUNCHIES - and I was disappointed. So, I never tried again. Hm. Wonder if I should give it another go...
I didn't know that!
Well that certainly clears up a lot of questions.
So you were basically a rapping prodigy? Damn, you're always ahead of your time.
Well, Dr., just so's ya knows, regarding #6, you make me laugh my ass off on a regular basis.
Wandering Coyote, I recommend that you give it another try, particularly if you play a musical instrument, like to ski, dance, etc.
Your list is way better than mine.
I want to hear more!
I liked the Walnuts when I was a kid, but once I hit puberty, I couldn't stand it anymore.
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