Greetings fellow citizens!I am pleased to announce that ever since I resurrected my Presidential campaign I have been met with a groundswell of endorsements, as well as a subpoena or two but we won't get into those now. All across this great nation of ours endorsements for me have been popping up like zits on a 16 year old.
I am pleased to report that four out of five bridesmaids now support my candidacy. Ring bearers and flower girls however have not yet come around to me and the Monkey Party platform.
Bottles of dichromate have endorsed me wholeheartedly, mainly because I promise to give all Americans a lifetime supply of dichromate in the first year of my administration.
After many days of tense negotiations I have secured the endorsement of the Ottoman empire from 1299 to 1672! They love my position on fezzes and the fact that I have a fig tree outside of my new house.
And finally I am pumped to announce that wistful women on their periods have endorsed me. Whether it's a heavy flow day or not wistful gals who are menstruating have seen the light and they support me because I offer them understanding and a fistful of Midol or Pamprin. Yes siree, with these endorsements I'm sure to go all the way to the White House.
15 comments:
Go after the moose in Alaska now. I have a feeling they will be an easy group to convince. Just don't show up with a moose gun at your first meeting.
POP--ha! And get the wolves on board, too; let them know that you don't even have a helicopter and you'll have them on your side in no time.
Exactly how much would a lifetime supply of dichromate be, anyway?
Yes, yes, side with the forest animals and you can defeat the White Witch!!!!!
Love the post, love the comments, love the monkey!
This is true cause for celebration. Back in the day, all you really needed was a few labor unions and the Ottoman Empire 1299-1672. It's so much tougher these days, what with the wistful menstruating women and all. Still--I agree with MNMom--side with the animals! The birds are your friends and supporters! Bears will be making phone calls for you!
Dangit, the Smith Campaign will put you in your place and soon as I'm finished with these bon bons and lifteime stops showing those wonderful movies...
OK - you can have this old broads endorsement too!! Wipe out the Alaskan "fluffy bunny" and scarface now!! Unite!!
What about taxes? Taxes is all we care about. If you’re going to use our tax money to give to poor people we’re not voting for you. If you’re going to give us our tax money back, we will vote for you. Screw your platforms and endorsements.
But have you befriended known terrorists who hate us for our freedoms and seek to destroy our way of life? Because that's what gets my vote.
Melinda - I can attest that he does, indeed, because, accoring to the likes of Palin, et al, I'm probably one of them!
But what about those menstruating women who are having a chunky day? Will they still support you? Just wondering.
I'm with you all the way.
Now, where are the free bottles of Dichromate you promised?
You are endorsed by this wheelbarrow full of orangutans:
http://j-walkblog.com/index.php?/weblog/posts/a_barrel_of_monkeys/
i support you, Dr. Monkey!
I'll work on the ring bearers, you work on the flower girls!
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