Rep. Tom Delay (ousted from Congress due to the fall out of the Abramoff scandal and for being an asshole): "We've got to stay the course in Iraq for one reason and one reason only, the baby Jesus told me we had to. And I do everything the baby Jesus says to do, I am a model Christian."
Rep. Bob Ney (ousted from Congress in the wake of the Abramoff scandal and for being a sloppy drunk): "Holy shit, are we still at war? I could have sworn that my bartender told me we won that damn thing a few years ago."
Rep. Mark Foley (ousted from Congress in the wake of a sex scandal involving underage boys and for being a hypocrite): "Does anyone know how I can get in touch with Michael Jackson? He seems like a nice guy with a lot of young friends. I like young mens, oops, I mean young friends. Yeah, that's it young friends."
Former Speaker of the House rep. Jim Wright (ousted from Congress from influence peddling and being a cranky Texan): "I've got a secret plan to end the war in this purse thingy, you'll get it only when I get the sweet release of death. O ye dark gods that bore me, why am I still alive? Come down Baal and take your servant's life, I beg you O dark one."
Rep. Duke Cunningham (ousted from Congress due to bribery charges, influence peddling, and being a nuisance): "Young people today need to go and fight for my freedom. Hahahaha, I'm kidding. I'm not getting my freedom back for another year or so, so I could care less what happens in Iraq."
Sen. Larry Craig (needs to be ousted from Congress for being a lying sack of hypocritical shit and for being a gutless liar): "I need to go to the restroom. Maybe Mr. Foley would like to accompany me. Nudge nudge wink wink."
Rep. Newt Gingrich (ousted from Congress due to financial irregularities and for poking Hasidic Jews with sticks): "The war must continue at all costs! KBR, Blackwater, and Halliburton have not made enough money yet! Stop whining America and give us your minority sons and daughters so that they may die on the battlefield so that we can live our lavish planet ruining lifestyles! Zeig heil ya'll."
Former Sen. Bob Packwood (ousted from Congress for sexually harassing any female who had a pulse and who was in his field of vision): "I have a plan for subduing Barbara. First I get her drunk, then I grope her, then I make her take her clothes off, then I stick her head in a corner and I fu.... What's that? Basra? Not Barbara? Oh, in that case I have no clue and I never ever stuck a woman by the name of Barbara's head in a corner while I tried to frak some sense into her."
Former Speaker of the House Rep. Dan Rostenkowski (ousted from Congress for check kiting and for eating too much at the House of Representatives all you can eat pizza, salad, and dessert bar): "Woo hoo, I have no idea what I ate that made that fart smell so bad but I'm telling you it stinks worse than Chris Matthews breath after he got done servicing the late Tip O'Neil. Say, can you loan me five bucks? I'd like to get some lotto tickets and a bottle of cheap wine."
Sen. David Vitter (should be ousted from Congress for lying about patronizing a hooker and for being a jack ass): "The longer we can stay in session and debate the war the longer I can avoid my wife and this whole hooker scandal. I'm in deep shit either way I go, my wife hates me and this hooker trial is only going to make things worse at home for me. So please for the love of all things holy, let's just focus more on the war and less on where I paid to stick my dick."
10 comments:
I miss the cows, but the Nick Lowe quote on your banner is cool, too.
I am glad that you picked only the best and the brightest members of the Republican party for this post.
(The new banner is cool, but I miss the watercolor Monkerstein heads that you used to have on your banner.)
Dr. Monkey, I think you are practically assaulting the poor Republicans! Picking on them! Exposing them!
And I love that in a monkey blogger!
(Vitter looks like he needs his damn diaper changed.)
Hey now, there's a democrat in there too--Jim Wright, my brother in native Texan-ness! And good god, is he still alive? Really????
Maybe baby jesus told these guys to go out and eat, drink and be fairy, Dr. Monkey. As for the "straight" ones, they're going straight to hell anyway, so let them have their fun, on the way down. Or maybe they're just envious of your brilliance and hope that by monkeying around they can get a little smarter than they aren't. Fools!
On a more serious note - This is one of the most entertaining posts I have EVER READ!! I love all the captions, but my favorite is poor Dan Rostenkowski's: "Woo hoo, I have no idea what I ate that made that fart smell so bad but I'm telling you it stinks worse than Chris Matthews breath after he got done servicing the late Tip O'Neil."
I do not even know where to begin, I really do not.
Wow. What a rogue's gallery.
jebus--there sure are a lot of those lying hypocrits out there! feel free to pick on them some more please because apparently Americans rapidly forget all the stupid shit republicans do and need to be reminded on a regular basis so they don't end up voting for them ever again.
For some stupid reason I can only see the hair of those guys... There's something evil there...
Ed-You never know, the comes may come home again.
Dr. Z-I know yo liked the old watercolor banner but times, and my banners, change.
Fran-I tossed in some Democrats too.
Dguzman-He's still alive but only just.
Madam Z-I'm gald yo liked this post. I do like to write the biting satire.
Missy-Start at the beginning. :)
Dean W-Oh there's more I could have put there but these were theones I remembered off the top of my little monkey head.
Lib-We need to stop voting for all assholes, regardless of which party they belong to.
Mel-To say these pricks are evil is to be kind to the word evil.
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