It's time to go deep in the bowels of the White House again

Condi, Gatesy, Uncka Dick, Ray Ray, Sidewinder, Traitor Joe, Rep. Boner, ya'll come on in and sit down. We got problems and ya'll know it. This Presidential campaign thingy is going to hell in a bucket for us.

McCain is hated by our conservative base and that Jesus lovin' Huckleberry Hound is winnin' all the primaries down south. Ya'll know what that means don't ya? It means our party is bein' split in two. The old timey Republicans who want low taxes on us rich folks and no taxes on our businesses and the Jesus lovers is splitting up. Imagine the hell that's going to be unleashed if we don't get them two sides back together.Why hell, take that a step further, imagine if Alabama wins my job. He's out there spoutin' that shit about hope and a fairer America and health care for everyone and not just Uncka Dick. He's saying wild Communist shit about not making my tax cuts permanent. He's talking like he might raise taxes on us rich white folks and bring back some of them old New Deal programs that helped the poor and the sheep who work for us. Hell ya'll, he may go and end the damn war and where would we be if he went and did that? Halliburton and Blackwater and all our other buddies wouldn't be making no money if that dude ends the war. Shit, he might even start to use diplomacy around the world instead of bein' a big ol' bully like I am. We can't have that shit goin' down. No sir.

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I got a plan to put a stop to it. Ya'll wanna hear it? Shit, somene wake Cheney up god damn it. Ok, since the Jesus lovers don't like McCain and since the business wing don't like Huckster and since that Mormon hair do freak dropped out, we need a candidate that will unite the party and who will keep us in power for another 8 years. Who is that candidate ya'll ask? He's in the next room, you wanna meet him? Okay? Good. Ya'll close your eye until I tell you you can open them.Okay, open ya'll eyes. Here I am, the new Republican candidate. I'm George W. Bush's long lost brother Billy Joe Bob Bush. Heh heh heh, I look just like him except I got this fancy moustache. Heh heh heh, did I fool ya'll? I think we can get the people to fall for it all we got to do is to start bombing Iran and tell them that the terrorists are gonna attack us and they'll do just what we tell 'em to do again, like we did after 9/11. What do ya'll think?

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Hey! Where ya'll going? We can do this! I'll have people photoshop Billy Joe Bob Bush in all our family photos, them voters will swallow it, I know they will! Hey, come back! I'm not playing ya'll, ya'll come back!

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Shoot. I'll show them. I'll make this scheme work. But first I need a drink and I think I'll catch up on my Girls Gone Wild DVD watchin.' Oh shit, them girls of mine done got in one of them DVD's after all. I gotta admit they look purty. Oh yeah, work it girls. Work it for Daddy. That's right, show some skin.
Daddy loves the pit shots. Keep that arm up Not Jenna. You look hot baby.

Oh holy crap! They look better than Momma does in a bikini. Heh heh heh, I'm gonna spank them girls for doing this DVD. I told them not to do stuf like this till I was out of office. But damn, I can't stay mad at them when I'm so turned on. Wait a second, who this girl gone wild?

Dang my hide! She hotter than Jenna and Not Jenna combined! They's something about her that's driving me wild. Oh baby, go wild for your President. Show me those weapons of mass excitement baby. Oh yeah, oh sweet batter dipped baby Jesus yeah, just a little more, oh yeah...

George? Are you down there?

Shoot! It's Laura. Dang it! I was nearly there. I better put lil' Georgie back in and zip up before she catches me again.

George? Are you in there watching Girls Gone Wild DVD's again?

No honey, it weren't me, it were Billy Joe Bob. Heh heh heh.