Just a quick word

Greetings to the working proletariat everywhere! I just wanted to tell you that all the rumors spread by noted cheese addict and glue sniffer Jess Wundrun are false as the day is long in Alaska during the summer time! She and her simian sidekick Dr. Zaius have been using their blogs to spread the lie that I have been in quarantine for biting someone in Madison, Wisconsin.

Yes, it's true I did bite someone in Madison, it was an annoying Republican who was saying bad things about Russ Feingold, but I was not subsequently quarantined. Instead I was whisked off to the Wisconsin Dells where I met and networked with some of my upper Midwest supporters. And I'd like to give my hard working agent provocateurs, oops, I mean my socialist cadres, oh crap, I mean my new BFF's in Wisconsin and Minnesota a special shout out! Here's to you Suzy, Whiskey Marie, and Missy! Thanks for all the fried foods on sticks and the butter covered everythings.

So now that I have addressed the lies and fantasies of Ms. Wundrun, I must now address what could become a festering boil of a situation. I seemed to have made a young man cry earlier today. He left me some comments in my comments section on other posts and I was a bit rude to him and he's spent the rest of the day softly sobbing in his room near Niagara Falls. Ok, I'm sorry. There, I said it. Ok? All better now? I was still pissed over my shitty internet service and I may have taken some of that anger out on you. I'm sorry and I swear I'll try to do better. Now give yourself a hug and know that it's from me. Ok, stop touching yourself now. I mean it. You'll go blind if you don't. Oh wait. That's not true, I haven't gone blind yet. But seriously, stop touching yourself for awhile.

Now because I need to use up all these pictures of people in red fezzes, I present them and their comments unedited.

"Hello! If Dr. Monkey is elected and we finally get single payer universal health insurance I can get this furry growth removed! I'm begging all of you to vote Monkerstein/David in 2008."

"Umm, my friend and I are not drunk enough to have a threesome with you yet Monkey boy, now go buy us a quart of vodka and we'll see if that does the trick."

"Heh, heh, heh, I like Laurie David. I'd like to touch her boobies."


"My sideburns scream for justice."

"Voting for anyone but Monkerstein/David is treason!"

Well said young man. That's all for now, I really must be going now. It's been over 90 for three weeks straight here and I must go cool off in the pool. I'll talk to all of you later! Right now it's cannonball time!