As I sit here in the Nissan penthouse office of the Mountain Dew Monkey Muck HQ, word comes to me via the Xerox internets that China has forced Starbucks out of the Forbidden City. How disgusting! Who do those slant eyed Commies think they are?What's next? Will they force their citizens to stop eating Uncle Ben's fried rice? Or walking on the Yoplait Yogurt sidewalks of Beijing? Or will they have to stop watching their Sony TVs?
People need corporations to tell them what they want to eat, drink, and feel. They need corporations everywhere, all the time, in every facet of their lives. Or are the HalliburtonBlackwaterUSA war of terror on Iraq and the McDonald'sSAIC war of terror on Afghanistan being fought in vain? Have all the SCI causalities been in vain? Is the Hallmark sacrifice of those brave Barnes&Noble men and MidolTampax women who dropped the BoeingAerojet bombs and shot all those people to be now thrown away and not honored in China?
When will President GlaxxoSmithKline Bush and Vice President ExxonMobil Cheney speak out against this anti corporate outrage in China??? Will they hold their Wal-Mart tongues when the Chinese invade us and close down all the malls and force out people to buy from local shops that sell homemade local products? Ewwwwwww. How gross and disgusting would that be? Why it's almost enough to FordGM drive me to have a BudweiserStoli drink before noon!
Now, if you will all excuse me the Starbucks in my colon is experiencing the late morning rush and I have to go lend a hand. 
3 comments:
So true; I can't help but wonder why the presence of the benevolent corporations isn't more pervasive in the realm of higher education. Why not corporate advertising above the chalk board, why not this chemisry lesson is brought to you by Glaxo; this biology lesson is brought to you by Monsanto. Teachers could wear little outfits with corporate logos over their hearts. What's the hold up?
Mark-I agree! I volunteer to wear clothing advertising Agent Orange, DDT, Thalidomide, Thorazine, and rat poison.
I don't care what you say. I'm not giving up my Porter-Cable boxer briefs.
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