My new running mate has been chosen!

It's been crazy here at el Casa de Monkey this weekend! Samurai Frog and I have been drinking and sunbathing like crazy, oops I mean we've been working our asses off interviewing potential running mates for my campaign!

After interviewing many many many fine patriotic Americans, though don't bother putting that damn Bennifer on that list, they were total assholes!, we whittled the list down to a select few after we decided that my running mate must be female and be able to deliver segments of the voting population that I would have trouble reaching otherwise. We also decided that since Evil Spock would deliver us the all important Midwestern states of Indiana, Illinois, Iowa, and Ohio, and that since I would deliver electoral vote rich states in the Northeast and the South, that we need a female from out west to balance the inaugural Monkey Party ticket.

High on our list was the lovely Scottish comedienne and actress Doon Mackichan. Ms. Mackichan is perhaps best known as one of the masterminds behind the hit British comedy series Smack the Pony! and for her funny as hell guest appearances in the BBC comedy Knowing Me Knowing You with Alan Partridge. Samurai Frog was ready to anoint Ms. Mackichan my running mate until I pointed out that she was a Scottish national and not from the west coast. He reluctantly agreed with me.

The lovely and talented Doon Mackichan

Next on our list was Megan who writes the fantastically funny blog I'm Quietly Judging You . I was impressed by her grasp of the issues, her positions on the issues, and by her ability to drink copious amounts of alcohol without passing out. She and I drank and drank and drank, oops I mean talked for hours. By the end of my interview with her I was so drunk that I named her my running mate.

Megan celebrates being named my Vice Presidential running mate.

Unfortunately when I sobered up Samurai Frog reminded me that Megan lives in New York City. With a heavy heart and a throbbing head I informed Megan that she was out as my Veep but she was still in my cabinet when I get elected. She was of course unhappy about my decision and as a result she tried to stab me with the shiv she keeps in her purse. But in the end she only left me with a hangover and a small flesh wound. No worries though Megan, we still love you here at Monkerstein 2008 HQ!

We checked our list after they hauled Megan off to jail and we saw that all that remained on it were Jewish women. Since my love for females of the "tribe" is well known I eagerly awaited our last few interviews.

First up was La Streisand. She gave a great interview but she lost us when she said that she would not wear a bra on the campaign trail. We begged her to reconsider but she said that James Brolin wanted to have unfettered access to her taa taa's at all times. So we were forced to cross her off our list.

Next up was Katie Schwartz, she of the All the Way from Oy to Vey blog fame. She fit the bill perfectly, and she gave one hell of an interview. But alas we decided that she was too damn funny to be a serious contender and that America needed her more as a whip smart funny as hell blogger than it did as my Veep.Funny thing about Katie, she has this amazing British accent, she smells really really nice, and she claims to have been in all sorts of movies. She's crazy that one!

Next on our list was the tremendously talented Amy Guth, author of books, blogs, and other stuff. When Amy walked into the interview chamber we knew right off that she was not going to make the cut, not because she was not super smart, she is, and not because she couldn't do the job, she could, but because she was just too damn cute. We decided that if she was my running mate then people would pay no attention me and instead they would focus on the earth shattering cuteness of Amy. I must admit that I would fall into that category as well.

I was about to throw in the towel and concede defeat when Samurai Frog told me that there was one candidate left. A secret candidate that he had invited without my knowledge. I looked outside and there she was on the swing.

Laurie David. Laurie. Freaking. David.

The genius of Samurai Frog hit me like a ton of bricks, his plan all along had been to show me how no one could measure up against the soon to be divorced Laurie David. She is smart, is well known, is a crusader for the environment, is sexy as all get out (just like me I might add), is a Jewish female who lives out west, and is as passionate about saving this country as I am. Samurai Frog went out to ask her if she would be so kind as to come inside.

She refused. She said if I wanted to talk to her I could do it outside in the sunshine and fresh air, I leapt out the window and bounded over to her. Breathlessly I asked if she was familiar with my campaign and my positions on the issues. She smiled and said of course she was. I got down on one simian knee and I asked, "Will you be my running mate?"

She wiped a tear from her eye and said, "Yes! Yes! One thousand times yes!"

After a group hug that included Sheryl Crow,

Laurie and I went inside to change clothes.

We then dashed off to a Ralph Lauren party where I made the announcement to all her Hollywood pals. They were super psyched!


And so America, with the Monkey Party ticket complete, we now embark on our mission to restore America to it's former greatness. Join with me and Laurie David in saving our country and our planet.



Monkerstein/David in 2008!