My Campaign Manager Samurai Frog Interviews Me

1. As President of the United States, what do you think is the most important issue of the day? Many are still saying terrorism, others say race; what is most troubling to you?

The most important issue of the day is stopping the out of control multi national corporations. If we stop them from their greedy march to secure more and more money and power then we will also stop: 1)the growing inequality between the rich and the poor, 2)the health care crisis, 3)the factors that are causing climate change, 4)the rape of your planet, 5)economic terrorism which leads to political terrorism, and 6)quite a lot of racism.)

2. At the risk of asking you to disparage other Democrats who are running for the same nomination, I must ask: at this point, why are we still obliged to take Joe Biden’s presidential bid seriously?

We are absolutely not obliged to take that old fraud seriously anymore. Joe Biden is part of the problem, always has been and always will be. He's a lap dog for the corporations who screw us all everyday. His home state of Delaware, an otherwise fine place to live and I know that first hand for I vacationed there once at lovely Rehobeth Beach, is a haven for corporations. Biden is still running to try to secure a position in my cabinet, it won't do him any good.

3. Is there anyone you have any respect for among the Republicans running for office? Who is the lesser of the many evils?

I have no respect for people who align themselves against the American people and who want to continue the warwithendAmen. Even the one who opposes the war would drag us back into the stone age and let the corporations run more than they do now. They all disgust me and if they get close enough to me, I shall fling poo at them.

4. Though many have mistaken me for a liberal Democrat, I am in fact an independent who leans towards socialism. I strongly believe in universal health care as a viable solution, as is universal kindergarten. What are your feelings on this issue?

As you know when and if I do actually have to run for President, I will do so on the Monkey Party ticket. The Monkey Party is actually a socialist party. Many Americans confuse socialism with Socialism. A small 's' means a system government like our more highly evolved brothers and sisters in Sweden, Norway, and Denmark have. In those countries corporations know their place and they have both universal health care and kindergarten, there is no reason we can not have those things here. My running mate Dennis Kucinich will be in charge of starting up both of those things while I jet off to various island nations to repair the damage done to our countries image by the idiot who is currently in the White House.

5. Finally, what will your policy on immigration be as President? Keep in mind that I think this country can never have enough Salma Hayeks. Or Sofia Vergaras. Or Eva Mendeses. Or Thalias. Or Paulina Rubios. You get the idea.

I agree with you Samurai, we can never have enough hot Latin women in this country but we must be fair, we must let in all hot Latin guys as well.

My policy on immigration will be this: This country became great due to immigration and it will become great once more if we allow more and more people in here. We will open the borders to anyone from any nation that wants to come here. In turn other countries must do the same. If a nation does not open their borders then their people will be forbidden to enter here. We must start thinking in terms of one planet, one people, one future and that future is on the stars. Once we get used to living with one another, then we can start to seriously make an effort to explore the universe and find other planets to live on, this one will not last forever.

Thanks for the interview sir, and remember folks, vote Monkerstein in 2008 if Kucinich does not get the nomination that is.