Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Ask Dr. Monkey

I recently sat down and answered some questions from journalists, fans, and ne'er do wells.
I have decided to make a smattering of that interview public.

Dr. Monkey, what exactly do you have a doctorate in? I have a doctorate in Party-ology. I got it back in the 80's. Supds MacKenzie was also in my doctoral class at Psychotic State.

Speaking of dogs, do you have a dog?

No. But if I did, I put silly hats on it and take pictures much like the above one.

Cash or credit? Cash.

Do you know Eva Braun? No, I never met her.

You're sure about that? Yes, of course.

Why do you blog so much? Ever since I had my heart attack and bypass surgery I am not supposed to go outside for very long when it is too hot or too cold. It's way hot right now so I stay inside and blog and read other people's blogs.

Oh okay. Now back to the Eva Braun thing... Ok, I admit I knew her. Barely. We were just acquaintances.

Do you know personally anyone who has lost a shit load of weight? Yes. This is my friend Brad.

He lost 190 pounds after this picture was taken. He looks great, his health is one thousand percent better, and he has added decades to his life because he lost all that weight.

Sweet. Yeah, we're proud of him.

One more question about Eva Braun.... No. I will not answer any more Eva Braun questions.

Which environmental activist do you have a secret crush on?

Majora Carter. I adore her spirit and her passion for environmental justice. And she's as cute as a button.

If we could just get to the bottom of this Eva Braun thing...

Okay, I admit it. I knew her but I did not love her. Now let it be. That's all I'm saying.

Sorry Doc, we missed that last answer of yours, what did you say again?

I said, "I never loved Eva Braun."

Ok.

We love this picture of Fatty Delicious, do you also love it?

Sure. It's funny and mysterious at the same time.

Show us a picture of one of your favorite CDs of all time.

Okay, here you go:

If you had to choose between Monica Goodling and Angela from The Office, which would you choose?

No contest, I choose Angela from The Office. Angela is a character on a hit TV show, the other one is a religious zealot who helped the Bush junta oppress gays, liberals, blacks, and others. Angela rocks, Monica should be in a prison jumpsuit breaking rocks.

Coffee or tea? Neither, I'm hooked on:

We all have our vices.

Yep. And since I had to stop smoking, give up most red meat, give up candy bars, and switch to a low fat diet, I'm not gonna give up my soda. Nope. No way.

What was one of your early comedy influences?

Hee Haw? Surely you jest.

I'm not kidding and stop calling me Shirley. I plan on writing about my love for Hee Haw sometime soon, so watch for that in the near future.

Look at this picture:

Do you agree that Evil Monkeys Rule?
Who says we're evil monkeys here at Monkey Muck HQ? Just because we do not agree with the prevailing paradigm does not mean we are evil.
Would ever wear a sweater like this one?

Not just no, but hell no. Never, not even if I was freezing to death. Now maybe a nice cardigan...

Who in your opinion is one of the world's cutest babies?

No doubt about it, this little gal is. I won't divulge her name or her home country but she is one of the hands down cutest babies on the planet.

Wanna go out for a drink now?

Sure, you all go ahead and wait for me. I'll be along in a while.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Love the Angela, other Monica comparison.

Now we know who Angela was modeled after.