Our Interview With Sen. John McCain, or Fast times aboard the not so straight talk express

Dr. Monkerstein: Senator McCain, thanks for sitting down with us tonight. We saw the other night in the debate where you said that it was crucially important for the USA to "win" in Iraq. You said if we do not "win" then the situation over there will degenerate into chaos, there will be genocide, and the terrorists will follow us home. Senator McCain do you mind if we address these statements of yours and point out where you are so very wrong?

Senator McCain: Grrrrrr, Hulk smash. Grrr, but Hulk can't stop you from exercising your right to free speech.

Dr. Monkerstein: Thanks. Okay, first off there is nothing to "win" in Iraq. We did what your President set out to do, we toppled Saddam Hussein and we installed a "democracy." So what is there to win?

Senator McCain: Grrrr, Hulk want oil. All oil. And maybe a Kurdish wench for sexing up. Grrr Hulk like exotic women. Hulk still like to get his groove on and tag some strange.

Dr. Monkerstein: Senator! You are a married man! Now, your point about Iraq "degenerating" into chaos shows us just how clueless you are. The country is already in chaos and you know it. That little comment about Americans being able to walk in neighborhoods without body armour came back to bite you in the old ass didn't it? After all Senator, you wore body armour and you had a platoon of soldiers to guard you when you went on your little jaunt over there. And you know what else? We noticed that you did not take your lovely wife or children with you on you walk thru Baghdad. Iraq is in chaos now because of us and it will only calm down when we leave.

Senator McCain: Grrrrr, stop using logic aginst me. Hulk not able to defend against logic.

Dr. Monkerstein: That's what we thought. Carrying on, you claim there will be "genocide" if we leave. Sir, what do you think is going on now? Sunnis hate Shi'ites, and vice versa. We can't stop them from doing it, they've done it for centuries, and they will be doing it long after we leave.

Senator McCain: Grrr, Hulk learned that not all Muslims alike only recently. Hulk used to assume that all Muslims were a monolithic entity that hated USA and Christians. Whoa, Hulk using big words and advanced concepts, Hulk may have to lay down pretty soon.

Dr. Monkerstein: Finally sir, you claim that the terrorists will follow us home if we leave. Well sir, nothing could be further from the truth. According to senior terrorism experts at the conservative Heritage Foundation no terrorists will follow us home. According to them there are very few actual terrorists in Iraq and that most of the anti American fighters in Iraq are Iraqis who want us out of their country. They also claim that US Soldiers are caught in a civil war, not a war on terror.

Senator McCain: Grr, okay, you win Dr. Monkerstein. But Hulk will never go back on his positions. To do so would make Hulk look like sissy who is weak and unable to be as stubborn as current President. You made Hulk sad by pointing out how wrong Hulk was. Hulk need hug.

Senator McCain: Mmmmmm. Hulk like hug. Hulk feel better now.

Dr. Monkerstein: That's nice Senator. One day we hope all the families of our slain servicemen and women, the maimed servicemen and women, the orphans of this war (both American and Iraqi), the families of the Iraqi's we've killed, and the terrorized population of Iraq will feel better too. Now, if you'll excuse us, after talking to you, we need a shower. And you need to take a Thorazine or something.