An alternate universe movie poster

Movie review times two

This film is billed as a comedy and there are some funny moments in it, but it's a stretch to call it a comedy. Don't get the wrong idea, I liked this film very much but it's not really a comedy.

A young woman in postwar Britain gets involved with a semi pro theatre company in her city and she falls in love with the artistic director, who just happens to be a bitchy theatre queen who has his claws out for any and all who think they can best him on his home turf. Things get even more complicated when the local acting legend comes back into the picture to play Captain Hook in their holiday production of Peter Pan.

The accents were hard to pick up at first but once I got used to the rhythm of how they all spoke, it got easier to understand. Georgina Cates is terrific as the young girl with stars in her eyes. But it's Hugh Grant who steals the show as the bitchy catty theatre queen. If you have done any amount of local, community, musical, dinner, or any theatre at all, then you've run across a person who is like Grant's character in this movie.

This movie is more of a melancholy slice of post war life with a few funny bits tossed in than it is a comedy. I recommend it highly.

Wow. How the hell have I missed seeing Freeway for so long? I've seen it a million times in the video store but I always passed it by. Then a friend loaned me her copy a week or so ago and I finally watched it and I fucking love it. It's the flip side to those old time 1950's juvenile delinquent/bad girls in peril films but instead of pushing the virtuous heroine, this film pushes Reese Witherspoon character's badness in our faces. She's bad, and she, and we love it, but the film takes pains to show why she's gone bad.

This movie is sexy and violent, cartoonishly so. And it's one of the funniest black comedies I've ever seen. It ranks right up there with Heathers in my book. I laughed like a mad man when Witherspoon prays to her god for forgiveness after she shoots Kiefer Sutherland, she tells he god that since he didn't step in and save her she was at a loss for what to do and that's why she shot Sutherland. I can't warn those of you who hate violence in film enough, this film is full of it, but holy hell, it's one twistedly fine, funny crime film. And it doesn't hurt that Reese Witherspoon is cuter than cute in it. The late Brittany Murphy makes a cameo in this film as a girl who befriends Witherspoon in juvey, it's kind of sad to see her do so well in this small part knowing that just a few years later she'd pass away at such a young age.

I loved this film and I recommend it to those of you who like over the top black comedies.

Two for Tuesday times 2

Here's four quick reviews of films I've seen recently here at Monkey Central.  

Rendition is a very good film with some plot twists you never see coming.  It's a timely topical film that will remain timely and topical as long as anyone is being oppressed by dictatorial regimes and as long as any nation allows torture.  Everyone in it gives convincing believable performances, especially good turns are given by Meryl Streep who plays against type and by our favorite gal from Memphis ever Ms. Witherspoon.  The mini documentary in the extras about the two men who were sucked into our forced rendition program is especially enlightening and well worth the rental or purchase price of this DVD alone.  I highly recommend this film.

We caught this on one of our local PBS stations a few weeks ago.  It is one of those end of the world movies that used to give me nightmares when I was a kid.  Seeing it now almost 50 years after it was made, the film holds up surprisingly well.  It's still a scary and cautionary tale that needs to be repeated over and over again until the rich white guys in power finally do something about making sure we are nuclear weapon free forever.  

The other thing I noticed about this film was that back in the late '50's they did not give a shit about big time Hollywood actors doing credible accents.  Anthony Perkins and Ava Gardner, who by the way was one hell of a beautiful woman, are supposed to be Aussies in this film but neither so much as attempts an Aussie accent.  Fred Astaire is supposed to be British in this film and his accent is as American as apple pie.  The non use of accents detracted a bit from my enjoyment of this film but not enough to make me hate it.  

I hope to one day read the Nevil Shute novel this was based on one day.  

I watched half of this and then I turned it off.  I like the occasional horror film and the odd slasher pic but this was not either of those.  This movie was torture porn.  Ick.  With all the horror and torture our government is meting out in Iraq, in Afghanistan, and odds knows where else I just could not stomach this one.  But oddly enough I'm going to watch Saw 3 and 4 one of these days.

I'm not a huge shoot 'em up action movie guy but I've been a huge fan of these Bourne movies since day one.  It's probably because I was a huge fan of Robert Ludlum's novels, but not the ones they came out with after he died.  These movies finally got the whole Ludlum thing right.  They are fast paced, action and intrigue filled, and they have good performances by everyone in them.  

This latest edition of the Bourne movies is no different.  I quite liked it despite the fact that it was clunky in a few places and the set up for the showdown with Albert Finney was kind of laughable, Finney is told to get out before Bourne can get him but in James Bond villain style he scoffs at the idea of not facing down his nemesis.  As soon as Finney says no to running away from Bourne I turned to Sparky and I said, "I'll kill you Mr. Bond after I torture you."

But even with the odd hiccup or two, I loved this movie.  Who would have thought Matt Damon could kick so much ass and look so convincing doing it?  But as good as Damon, Joan Allen, and Paddy Considine were in this, the star of this movie was Julia Stiles hair do.  I'm not exaggerating, and I don't usually notice these things but this time I did, when I say that she sports the best looking hair do in the history of cinema in this movie.  It was perfect for her head shape, her face, and for her coloring.  And don't get me started on how good the highlights in her hair looked.  But just I was crushing hard on Ms. Stiles and her perfect do, they made her character go and dye her hair and cut it so she could escape the clutches of the evil bastards in the CIA.  They made up for it later when they used Ms. Stiles in one of the last scenes of the film.  

And yes, they left the possibility of making another Bourne film wide open.  I'm betting that in the next one Damon and Stiles hook up and they call it, "The Bourne Pregnancy."

The 19 Percenters

A whopping 81 percent of US citizens believe our country is headed in the wrong direction. Actually I'm surprised that number isn't higher. With so many of us dissatisfied with the way our country is going it's not hard to pick out the people who want to turn back the tide of corporate greed, endless war, and the politics of division, all one has to do is look around at one's friends and family. On the other hand it's far harder to find people who are happy with the direction this country is headed in so so I thought I'd highlight some of the folks who think that everything is peachy keen in America.

First up, the man really in charge in the White House, Dick Cheney and his "house" lesbians.
Life is sweet for him because Dick pulls the strings and gets his way no matter what and when informed of how dissatisfied we hoi polloi are he sardonically says, "So?" Let us eat cake Dick, let us eat cake.

And the only officially approved homosexuals the Republicans can stomach are living the high life because they have all the rights and privileges that no other gay or lesbian can have, Mary and her partner are Queens of the queers! If they and their infant face any discrimination then daddy Dick will ship the offender off to Gitmo while he demonizes all the other gay and lesbian people who live in our country.


Things couldn't be going better for this group. They've ridden George Jr's bumbling all the way to the top and they've more than cashed in and they'll continue to do so if and when Dumbass leaves office. They'll never have to live on food stamps or worry about making their rent or mortgage payment, they're American royalty! And if they fuck up there'll always be some star struck right wing hack ready to step in and bail them out, just like the Germans in big business did for former Nazi's after WW2, only this time instead of calling it their support system the "rat line," let's call it the "lying weasel line."


Mr. and Mrs. Corporate Media Liars are in the 19 percent group. For them today's America could not be a better place. They get to be famous for telling lies, untruths, and for just being asses in general. They get to mock and make fun of gays, lesbians, and all manner of brown skinned people. Why Bush/Cheney's America is their paradise! It's no wonder they're fighting like hell to keep that uppity black dude and the former first lady out of office. Their gravy train would ground to a halt if a Democrat was elected, they wouldn't sell as many hate filled books and their TV time would be cut in half if that happened.

Meanwhile the rest of us who live outside that cloistered world of the Washington DC/New York City axis of political/media power continue to get screwed as they try to privatize more and more governmental services and they allow multi national corporations to invade our lives further and further. The majority of us know that something is very wrong and we're ready to do something about it. If they don't screw us out of a free and fair election that is.

I apologize for all the jarring pictures of those wretched greedy rich white people. I'll try to make it up to you by ending this post with some eye candy.

Here's a shot of Salma working her mojo:

Here's a cute shot of Reese Witherspoon:

And no, I didn't forget all your ladies out there. Here's a beefcake shot of me in my bejeweled diaper. As you can tell that banana diet is working out really well for me.

Happy Nude Year!

Salma Hayek,this skeleton guy,

Crunky Jesus,
my insanely hot running mate,this white woman on a swing,
the ever so cute Reese Witherspoon,

this nun who looks like Amy Guth,
and Maribel Verdu and I

would like to wish all of you a very happy new year! We all hope that some of you get what you want next year and that others get what's coming to them. It's been my pleasure to write this blog everyday and I am overwhelmed that so many people read it and comment on it. Thanks for sticking around and for reading this crap I write.

Interview with Fred Thompson

I managed to track Fred Thompson down for this the last of my interviews with the Republican Presidential candidates but to be honest after interviewing all the other rich old crazy Reichwingers, I couldn't stomach talking to ol' fraud Fred. But not to worry folks, I asked my fellow Tennessean the lovely Reese Witherspoon to interview him for us!

Dr. Monkey: Reese, thanks so much for doing this. If I had to talk to one of those crazy bastards again I'm afraid I would have committed murder.



Reese Witherspoon: Oh, no problem Dr. Monkey. I'm happy to help the wheels of democracy spin! It's ever so important that all voters know exactly where the candidates stand.

Dr. M: I mean it, thanks. I'll be in the next room if there any trouble. I'm gonna put on a Wayne Newton CD and dance around while you do this dirty deed for me.

RW: Okay cutie. Have fun!
Dr. M: You too sweetie! Okay send in old fraud Fred.


Fred Thompson: Well, well lookie here who they got interviewing me. It's little Reese Weatherston.


RW: Witherspoon.


FT: Whatever. Come sit next to Pappa Fred and you ask him whatever little questions you got honey bunny.


RW: I'll just sit here across the room from you. I hope you understand.




FT: I'll tell you what I understand, I understand that you've grown up quite a bit young lady. And you've filled out too. Heh, heh, heh.





RW: Ummm, could you stop looking at my boobs? My face is up here.

FT: I was just enjoyin' your God given beauty lil lady. A nice smellin' old white dude like me is entitled to oogle you pretty gals.

RW: You are creeping me out, please stop it. Now, I wanted to ask you about the bogus war on terror that you support...


FT: Heh, heh, heh, that is so cute. A fine looking lil piece of tail like you trying to act all smart like you know what's going on and askin' me that question and all. You know what honey? You are just so cute I'm gonna have to give you a little kissey.


RW: Stay right where you are and stop looking at my boobs!


FT: Now, now, you calm down lil Missy. Ol' Uncle Fred don't mean you no harm. He just wants to search you for WMD's, heh, heh, heh.

RW: You calm down you old letch. Tell me your position on a woman's right to choose.


FT: You gals have got the choice of being on top of me or me being on top of you! That's the only choice I'm willing to give y'all.


RW: Wow. You know what? I bet you can't even get it up anymore.

FT: Oh don't you worry about that you lil hot potato you. Uncle Fred carries a pocket full of Viagra at all times. Here stick your hand in there and feel it.



RW: I'd rather suck start a 727 jet than touch you.






FT: Now we both know you don't mean that. We both know that all you Southern gals want to jump my bones. Why look at my sexy young wife Terri. She wants to ride my throbbin' bobbin all the time. We've even had a kid and no my kid does not look like the pool boy no matter what rumors you hear. And look at that country singer Lorrie Big Jugs. She wanted me too, still does in fact. And you're just another in the long line of Southern gals who want Pappa Fred to give them the ol' hot BBQ injection.




RW: I'd rather seal my vagina forever with Krazy Glue than make the beast with two backs with you.






FT: Now, now, you cain't mean that. You're a Memphis girl and that means you all want to have sex with me. I'm tellin' you girl, this body of mine is so hot that all y'all love it like a Democrat loves a social welfare program.









RW: Okay, this is good. We're coming back to politics again. Now, tell me what are the two most pressing issues out there today?









FT: Heh, heh, heh, your right boob and your left boob pressing up into my out stretched hands. Ya'll ever hear of a lil thang called motorboatin'? I'd love to try that on you Reesey.









RW: Umm, no thanks. Boy I see why Dr. Monkey hates doing these interviews with all of you now. Hey. I've got an idea. Let's play a game shall we? It's called, "Who's won what." Raise your hand if you've won an Academy Award. Well I see only my hand is in the air.






FT: Now that's not fair. I'm not near as good an actor as you are. I've never been nominated for an Oscar. But I have been nominated for KKK Man of the Year for my portrayal of a white supremacist on Wiseguy.








RW: Let's recap shall we? Oscar winner, me. Sex mad old fraud, you. I win. Now, you'll need to get out of here now. Dr. Monkey and I are going for a swim and you need to leave so we can fumigate this room. Thanks for dropping by and please don't come again. Bye now.





























RW: That was horrendous! I'm so proud of you for doing all the ones before that one. Hey, Monkey, can I tell you something?

Dr. M: Sure Reese.

RW: You're looking mighty hot.

Dr. M: You're not so bad yourself Reese. But unlike you I'm not available. Sorry sugar.

RW: (Sigh) All the good ones are taken. Oh well.