Here's Chester with a word about Michael Vick who got released from prison today

"He's a giant douchebag who I hope never gets to play in the NFL again. And if I ever see him in person, I'll bite him. See if I don't. Oh yeah, before I forget, arf!"

And now a word from Michael Vick

Hi everybody. NFL quarterback Michael Vick here. How ya'll doin'? Ya'll calmed down yet? Hell I pleaded guilty what more do you want? I'm sitting out the season and it looks like I'm going to prison for a bit. Ain't that enough for you? I promise to never do that dog fighting shit again. I mean it. I'll be good. I'll come back and I'll make all of you proud of me again.

What I wanted to talk to ya'll about is since I can't make two dogs fight until one of them is almost dead and since I can't go on and kill that almost dead dog with my bare hands I got to find something to do while I wait to be sentenced. Football is out since I been suspended indefintely. Drug dealing is out. But I did figure out a new hobby for me and my buds. How ya'll feel about cat fighting?


You cool with that? I thought you would be. It's not dog fighting after all and my good buddy OJ Simpson is gonna help me organize it. Ain't you OJ?
Sure I am, after I get finished doing publicity for my new book that is!

Ok man, you come on board when you're ready. I'm not rushing you or anything.
Good you know how I get when I'm rushed.
Put that shiv down OJ and go get started humping that book.

Is he gone? Whew. He gives me the willies! Anyway I got some great cat fighitng matches lined up. Ya'll ready to hear about them? Hell yeah you are, so here's what I got for ya:


First match is Tigger

vs. Top Cat.
My money is on Top Cat. That is one mean but still stylin' feline!

Next up is a battle between two extinct cats. The Tasmanian Tiger takes on a sabre tooth tiger.
It's gonna be a fang-tastic battle!

Then we got a palate cleanser of a fight between Heathcliff

and MC Skat Cat.
I hired Paula Adbul to be ring girl for that bout!

Then finally we got a four cat tag team loser leaves town battle royale bewteen the Devil Cats
and Ol' One Eyewho is partnering with his old mentor The Lynx.

That should be one crazy match. I'll predict that some pussy is going down in that tussle.

So thats what I got going on until I go to the grey bar hotel for 1 to 5 years. Ya'll come on out to the house and we'll watch them kittys tangle. Hey if ya'll would, pick me up some doughnuts and chicken wings on your way over. And maybe some hot sauce too. And a bottle of Alize. All right then America, I'll see ya'll at my place. Be cool.

I'm here to help you Mike

Yo Michael Vick, why so tense?

Are you uptight that your boyz in da hood were all gonna testify against you? Is that why you're gonna plead guilty to the dog fighting charges? Is that why you're kicking that mutt?

I knew that was it. Dude tell me, how many years do you think you'll do in the pen?
Only two?

What about the state charges? What do you think of those? Man you are defiant to the end, aren't you? You know what Mike? I hope they all, the feds and the Commonwealth of VA, throw the book at you, you damn greedy animal hating prick. You picked the one thing to do as a hobby, dog fighting, that unites all of America in a new hatred for you. You had it all, money, fame, women, a Nike shoe contract, and a pro sports career but you tossed it all aside so you could force dogs to fight and kill one another for your amusement. Well it looks like you and your stupid brother Marcus are pretty much alike after all. Only it took him way less time to fuck up like you did and maybe he's actually the smart one in your family because after all his antics only got him thrown off the VA Tech football team and yours are gonna get your ass landed in a Federal Penitentiary.


Maybe your stupid redneck ass thinks there is some special penitentiary for NFL players. Well pal, I'm here to tell you there's not. Just ask Rae Carruth. He'll tell you, when he's not being anally raped by an Aryan Brotherhood gang member that is, that you're dumb ass is going to the big house, the gray bar hotel and it's not gonna be pretty.
Maybe your stupid ass thinks that because you're a sports millionaire you'll get to go to a coed prison or maybe to a women's prison. Nope. Wrong again. You're going in the joint baby. And if there is any justice you're dumb ass is gonna be as overstuffed with you know what just like this shitty ravioli is.
Mikey, I just wanted to give you the heads up that what you're going to is not this:


But this:So unless you want to end up like little Linda Blair then I'd watch out for broomsticks near my rectum if I was you. Or maybe you better use those millions you got to stock up on lube so when you do get a broom handle shoved up where the sun don't shine then it won't hurt so bad.

Maybe you can find Jesus in prison. I hear he's quite easy to find in there. Maybe Jesus will protect your dumb ass in the big house.

Wait, I got an idea Mikey. If it turns out that you like the anal play, then when you get out of prison instead of trying to get back into the NFL you can ease into making gay porn. Hell dude, you already have a porn name, you remember it's the alias you used to use when you boinked groupies and gave them herpes. Say it with me Mikey:

RON MEXICO!

Dude, I am so happy you are going to lose your NFL job and your shoe contract with Nike and all that money down the line. Prison could not have happened to a more deserving asshole. You damn insensitive murdering prick. I hope you rot in Federal and or state prison for the rest of your sorry life.