Hank Groink of Belle Plains, Oregon: "I'm cool with it. It's not like he's going to bugger anyone during a game."
Joe Figgins of Strawberry Plains, TN: "It's wonderful. I'm so proud of him and that kiss, what a move! And listen, anyone who says they support LGBTQ equality but who didn't like that kiss Sam laid on his cute little boyfriend, well, they're homophobes. I want everyone to know that I'm so okay with it that I invited a gay dude in to my house and let him bang me in the butt in front of my wife to prove how okay I am with the whole thing. Anyone who complains about that needs to be shot for not being open minded enough."
Pia Nolessons, High Plains Drifter, MT: "I'm drafting him to play shortstop on my fantasy foosball team!"
Valentina Tereshkova, Somewhere in Outer Space: "Moscow, we have a problem."
Calvin Broadhips, Middlesboro, KY: "I'm a Southern Baptist, so of course I have a problem with it. I also have a problem with these apples, I'm sure the Prince of Lies is in them and the only way for me to get him out is to turn them into applesauce with my penis."
Gail Keegals, Santa Fe, NM: "An openly gay man wants to play in the NFL? Won't that ruin decades of stereotypes that say all gay men are lisping mincing limp wristed pansies who speak in a falsetto voice and live to dress in women's clothes while molesting children?"
Auld Lane Sign, 19th Century Idaho: "Football? Fuck some football. It's not a sport, it's a game. Getting greased up and wrestling a bear while naked, now that's a sport!"
Geddy Leigh, Port St. Lucie FL: "I like cereal. And that's it. Just cereal. Now leave me alone."