"I heard that Obama has said that during the government shutdown abortions and gay marriages will continue in national parks, nothing else though, just baby killing and dudes marrying dudes."
"I heard what you said about me you monkey ass bitch. And I'mma do something about it."
"I heard a good joke the other day but I forgot it because some god damned liberal made me smoke some weed and blow him."
"The word is 'polyunsaturated.' "
"What I'm hearing is that the Republicans might cave in to the demands of the Kenyan in Chief, which means I might actually get some affordable health insurance soon. Fuck, I hate America."
"I heard chicks dig hairy men. Hey ladies, I'm this hairy everywhere and my carpet matches my drapes."
"I heard I just got acquitted of all charges! Woo hoo! To celebrate I'm having a party in my van. I've got plenty of ice cream, cake, and candy in there, so tell all the kids in your neighborhood I'll be by to see them soon!"