It's time to open up the ol' mail bag

The letters keep pouring in day after day and week after week so I figured it's time to answer a few.

Daisy the Sheep wrote in to ask, "Can you shear me now?"
Yes, Daisy I can. Meet me tomorrow night over by the burning dumpsters on Route 4 and wear lipstick this time.

Penny Jello wrote a note that said, "How did you get to be so awesome and dreamy?"

Dear Penny,
Practice sweetie, practice.
Sincerely,
Dr. Monkey

Dear Dr. Monkey,
Where can a young rapscallion find other gad about lads to become chums with? I enjoy parading about in the latest fashions, singing sea chanties, and swabbing poop decks. Can you hook me up with other like minded lads?

Yours truly madly deeply,
Davey Jingobollocks

PS: I've enclosed a recent picture. I hope you like it.
Dear Davey,
I have just the chum for you. Meet me out on Route 4 near the burning dumpsters. Bring a pair of shears, some lipstick, and an Edith Piaf CD.

Thanks,
Dr. Monkey

Dr. Monkey,
I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm just a 2 dimensional illustration in a world I never made.
Can you confirm this?

Worriedly yours,
Henry Jaglom

Dear Henry,
You're just as real as Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and Michele Bachmann's conscience. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to turn the page on our little exchange.

Fictionally yours,
Dr. Monkey

You Damnable Dirty Primate Scoundrel,
I've had enough of your monkeyshines and jackassery. How dare you insult people with this blog of yours? I demand that from this moment on you stop writing stupid 'humor' pieces and that you from now on post only pictures of cute animals, women with large breasts, and Presbyterian intellectuals.

Disgustedly yours,
Samuel Krappslast-tape
Dear Sammy boy,
As soon as I find a Presbyterian intellectual I'll comply with your request.

Sincerely,
Monkey Von Monkerstein, MD, DDS, ASAP, NRBQ