Here's a word from Cletus Clloyd

"It's come to my attention that some radical female lesbians are crowing about a study that shows their homes to be free of child abuse. They're touting it in an effort to show that they should be allowed to marry and raise children. Well my friends in Christ, let me tell you this development is pure poppycock. It's a sham. It's a ruse. It's the devil. These twisted women who love women are only pretending not to abuse children and once they are allowed to get married, it's going to be non stop abuse on those poor children. They'll be assaulted with constant messages of tolerance and equality and they'll be whipped into a frenzy of 'love thy neighbor,' as long as thy neighbor is gay, black, Mexican, Communist, or what have you. They'll be abusing their kids by not putting the fear of God into them. By sparing the rod they'll be shafting those kids beyond belief. By not teaching them that the government has a right to decide what goes in our bedrooms but not a right to pay for sick people's medical bills they'll be doing those poor godless children a disservice.

People, this lebanese agenda menace has got to stop and I've done my part. My wife and daughters were looking at one another lustfully so I kicked them out and banned them from ever coming back into our trailer. Then I invited Rev. Tallywhacker to move in with me so we could pray, fast, and bond together over this and many other manly/godly issues. And finally I tore out all the carpet in my home and I replaced it with hardwood so if by some chance they do come home, my wife and daughters won't be able to munch any rug while I draw breath.

Praise Jesus and keep a watchful eye out for the lebonic plague!"