Friday, October 8, 2010

The following things are now 'the Christian thing to do' according to the American Family Association

  • Not feeding the starving. (If they were really hungry they'd get up off their Satanic filled asses and go get something to eat.)
  • Stoning homosexuals and Chileans. (We all knew God hated fags, well, now he hates people from Chile as well. It's all in the book of Habakkuk. Look it up you damn dirty sinner.)
  • Denying sick children a hospital bed. (Health care reform is evil, Christians must step up and stop it where ever they can.)
  • Enslaving the poor. (Slavery is allowed in the Bible and the poor don't want to work, so we might as well enslave them. We can't enslave the rich because they give too much money to the church. Rich people, amen!)
  • Closing down public school free lunch programs. (God hates freeloaders who live to cadge free meals.)
  • Closing down public schools. (Compulsory education is an attempt by big government to brainwash our children into believing in evolution and forcing them to accept interracial marriage, the homosexual agenda, and the metric system.)
  • Mating with family members. (God only wants pure Christian people to mate and have children, and if the only place you can find a pure Christian is in your family, then have at it.)
  • Lying. (It's fine to lie to unbelievers. Who are they gonna get to go after you? The god they don't believe in? Hah!)
  • Stealing. (God wants you to have nice stuff and if you have to steal it from an atheist or a Presbyterian, then go for it.)
  • Cheating on your taxes. (God doesn't want your hard earned dollars to go to the bloated and wasteful government, he wants those dollars for himself and for his servants, especially the farting preacher, the gay anti gay preachers, Benny Hinn, and the Pope.)
  • Abortion. (God doesn't want liberals, Communists, Chileans, hippies, single women, people who watch MTV, and pointy headed intellectuals to have kids so it's okay to forcibly abort them if they get pregnant.)
Please stay tuned to this blog to find out what else is the new 'Christian thing' to do. And remember:


PENolan said...

Thank you, Doctor, for clarifying the situation. Christianity can be confusing.

Kim Hambric said...

I think you'll soon have to add "standing around and watching homes burn". We'll wait and see.

Rowan Atkinson as Jesus. Too funny!

Wings said...

Cafetarianism! Is it here that I saw that term for the first time? Picking and choosing. Bleh!

Anonymous said...

So the guys on those other two crosses that day were Baldrick and Lord Percy Percy? It makes total sense now!

Ricky Shambles said...

The public schools are beds of Satanic infestation! Add watching Public Schools (and their teachers) burn to the list!

Seriously - awesome post :)