"Yes, I have been in a behind closed doors meeting with my local parish priest. Was it the fact that I'm buttoning up my shirt or the fact that I'll be traumatized about being fondled by a 'man of god' for the rest of my life that gave it away?"
"My hair wouldn't have so much static in it if we didn't let those illegals open so darn many Taco Bells. How long must we God fearing children of teabaggers be forced to eat that crap? Let's send Taco Bell back to Mexico where it came from!"
"Science tells me that God doesn't exist. Well, I told science to go fuck itself and my sister ratted me out to my hot tempered parents. Then I got spanked and got my mouth washed out with soap. So all in all it's been a pretty full day for me."
"When I grow up I hope Rand and Ron Paul, the oil gusher in the Gulf, and the Twilight series are all just bad memories. And I hope you don't use my picture again in this post."
" You bastard."
"This aquatic interlude was brought to you by BP. Oh wait. No, it wasn't. If I had been brought to you by BP then I'd be oil covered and gasping for air."
"This is the 5000th time Dr. Monkey has done one of these kinds of posts. How freakin' deep is his 'comedy' well anyway?"