Monday, May 3, 2010

And now here's a word from The Cooch

Hey ya'll. It looks like I pissed a bunch of people off when I went and covered up that boob on that chick who's on our state seal. They're saying I'm a right wing Christian prude, a dude who doesn't understand 'classical' art, and that I'm a clueless guy who got lucky by being on the ballot at the right time.

Now I may be a prude and I may be dumb and I may not know much about art but I know the seal of the commonwealth of Virginia is not classical art. I watch Turner CLASSIC Movies, American Movie CLASSICS, and ESPN CLASSIC all the time and I never seen a boob on any of those channels. I've read a CLASSICS Illustrated comic book or two in my day and I never saw any bare boobs in them. So the idea that boobs are classic art is nonsense.

I'll tell you another thing, looking at bare boobs is a gateway drug. It leads to porn worship, pre marital fornication, homosexuality, and liberalism. So I did my religious duty and I covered up that boob to protect the kids of this commonwealth from those things. And our kids need all the help they can get, especially since I'm trying to make sure that health care reform never happens in Virginia. Them kids need to stay strong and not release any of their precious sex fluids outside of man on woman marriage.

And this is just the beginning. I'm going to force all women to cover up all exposed skin pretty soon. It's not a religious thing either, it's a modesty thing. After all, if that chick on the official seal of our commonwealth is covered up, shouldn't all women have to follow her lead? And after I get all woman covered up, I'm going to make it a crime for them to get pregnant outside of man on woman marriage and I'll also make it a crime for them to work outside the home and to go to public school. Just think of all the money we'll save this state if we don't have to pay for the schooling of girls who have all those mysterious 'lady issues' every 28 days.

I'm doing all this because I love the women of this state and I want to see them protected from boob gazing breastfeeding liberal crazies. And I'm doing it because I think Jesus will be my BFF when he finds out about it.

Thanks for your time and remember this Virginia, if you have a problem with what I'm doing, then tell me about it so I can investigate and dig up some dirt on you before I arrest you and have your whiny ass sent to Gitmo.


Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

50 states and 50 does one thin border separate Canada from the crazy that is becoming America? I fear for my beloved American brothers and sisters. Keep doing that voodoo that you do because I admire the way you keep with the truth.

DrGoat said...

When I was a teenager in the'60s I thought America would become more open-minded and tolerant in the future. Was I wrong! WTF happened?
The mind boggles.

ReaderRita said...

I'm Ken Cuccinelli, and yes, I changed the state seal on the pin I gave to my staff members. But I did it for HISTORICAL reasons, not prudish ones. I wanted them to remember the OLD Virginia, the pre-1930's Virginia, from when this covered up version of the state seal was last seen. That's why I really did it. So they could have pride in historical Virginia- complete with lynchings and racial hatred. Maybe you remember this from your history books- we righteous Virginians were so certain of our belief in white man's superiority, that in the early 1860's the northern, crazy, liberal part of our state (the damn traitors) had to secede and form West Virginia. Really, we kicked their sorry equality seeking asses out.
I just wanted to remind people of that way back time, before the split, when everything was fine here in Virginia; and the free thinkin' liberals and colored people knew their place...
That's why I passed out that new pin. Just as a reminder. That everybody needs to mind their place. Even Mr. Obama. I know this, because Jesus told me so. Vote Republican!

Ricky Shambles said...

Burkas are the obvious and only answer.

Nathan said...

Let's just hope this guy never sees the Venus de Milo.