...I come before you on the morning after election day to announce that I concede the Presidency to Sen. Barack Obama. No, please, calm down. I urge all 12 of you to be calm and to listen to reason.
My running mate and I crissed but did not cross this country in an effort to get ourselves elected. We spoke and held rallies where ever we could, which ended up being mostly dive bars and bus station shower stalls. We shook hands, we kissed babies, we flung our poo, but it was all to no avail because America just wasn't ready for me to lead.
And if I'm being honest here, then the whole not being on the ballot in any states thing hurt me as well. As did my decision not to buy any ads in the traditional corporate media. I figured plenty of people would see the ads we drew on the streets and highways in chalk. They would have been just fine if it had not been for the rain and the dew, damn you mother nature!
It's time to move on and to let President-elect Obama have a go at it. I wish him well. I thank all of our supporters for their work and for believing in the Monkey/Love '08 ticket. I'd also like to "thank" the diabolical Dr. Zaius for running one of the most vile, most disgusting, most smear laden campaigns in history. I forgive every all my other delusional opponents except for Zaius. The next time we meet sir I shall plant a punch in your "forbidden zone." Maybe that will teach you to run a less dirty campaign, but somehow I doubt it.
********
Now if you'll excuse me, I simply must run. I have some pressing matters to attend to. I'm due to give an in depth interview to a couple of young nubile Swedish journalists:
And word has just come to me that Salma Hayek has lost her top
and she wants me to help her look for it.
17 comments:
Thanks for choosing me Dr. Monkey. It was a swell time.
...and that Dr. Zaius is one, mean, damned dirty ape of an opponent.
That was YOU in that bus station shower stall???
Well, you two fought the good fight, no doubt about it.
You scattered a lot of poo, but the Republican Party scattered more of it... and Obama beat them anyway. You were clearly out-pooed. But nice try!
Those aren't Swedes.
=
At least I have some consolation in the fact that you did not win the presidential election, Dr. Monkerstein. I shall have Germaine Gregarious further cement and solidify our relationship by having her fit you with a new pair of galoshes forthwith. (The concrete nature of these shoes shall be measured in the very finest lime and mortar.)
Have no fear, I hear that Lake Superior is lovely this time of year.
d.debil-I'm sure your prounouncement that those gals aren't Swedish will come as a shock to them and all their their Swedish born relatives, especially since I got their picture off a swedish website that shows Swedish young people club hopping.
Here's a little comedy tip for you, it's always funnier if you agree and add instead of denying the original comic premise. Of course you may know better but that's the first thing one learns in improv.
dr. von monkerstein, thank you for running an honest and clean-ish (you know... all that poo flinging) campaign. you have lost to the better man.
All you needed was Curious George ane The Man in The Yellow Suit and Hat .....then we would have CHANGE !!
You fought a good fight, but it's on to other bigger issues now!
Hey, Monkey! Thanks for the improv tip! The presidential run I was blissfully unaware of, though.
It was a good concession speech, until you started talking about bimbos.
I think my sister just called me a bimbo.
Well, now you can both spend more time with your families, right?
I saw those chalk ads!
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