Screw Waldo, where's Carly?

One day she's riding high as the CEO of HP. She's cutting jobs, making ill advised mergers, and watching helplessly as her company's stock price tumbles into oblivion all the while shoving the ham fisted fist of management up the ass of her employees.

"Feel the power of my ring you damn drones you!"

But then seemingly the next day she's Bush McCain's top female economic advisor and she's everywhere on TV, radio, and on the road with her new boss

and his running mate.
Then in another cruel twist of fate Carly spoke too much truth, she said that neither her boss Bush McCain nor his running mate Bush Palin were qualified to run her former company. This statement enraged her famously ill tempered boss and he has banished her from his campaign. Now the question is, if she's no longer on TV and radio, where's Carly? Well, have no fear gentle readers, I'm all over this. My people and I are looking for her and this is what we found:


She was not in this dumpster in Gatlinburg, TN that my associate checked out. However there were a couple of bear cubs in there and my associate tranquilized them and brought them to Monkey Central where I am now in the process of training them to perform light opera and to do unnecessary highly invasive exploratory surgery.

Ms. Fiorina was not in this line up of Bollywood dancers. And she was not hiding in the bras or panties of any of these women either. I know because I checked them all. Throughly. Several times.
Carly was nowhere to be seen when I had my Christmas card photo taken.However the guy who took that photo told me that he had seen La Fiorina at a frat house party so I ran over to see if she was still there.Alas she was not anywhere to be seen but her date, the guy on the left told me that she got on the Girl's Gone Wild bus that had just passed through. So being the blogger I am I went and looked at some of the older Girls Gone Wild DVD's to see if she had been in any of the previous editions.

Nope. She wasn't in that one.And I suffered hysterical blindness before I could finish watching this one:

But I can report that I didn't see her in it.

My dumpster diving associate called me and told me that she heard that Miss Carly was going to be at a College Kids for McCain rally at Giant Stadium in New Jersey so off I went.

But when I got there neither the college kids nor Miss Fiorina were anywhere to be found. It was a shame because when they finally woke him up, McCain gave a cogent speech that only had 25 flip flops in it. And the people who did attend the rally really ate his speech up. They kept saying how dreamy he was and that if they were only 20 years younger that they'd "jump his bones."

As soon as I left my cell phone rang and it was none other than Carly herself! She told me that the guilt of fucking over so many people while she was at HP and the lies she had to tell on the campaign trail finally took their toll on her and she cracked. She told me she's giving up the lie a minute sexy swingin' Republican economic hit woman lifestyle and she's going to join a cult.Her new name is going to be Moonbeam McTwatty and she'll be selling flowers, pencils, and slightly used condoms on a street corner near the White House sometime soon. If you see her don't make eye contact or she'll take it as a sign you want to know all about her new life.