The rest of the story

My local cry baby Congresstwerp David Davis who wants to thwart the will of the voters of the fightin' 1st district here in east Tennessee is now blaming his loss on "known Democratic activists." Yes, I've been making fun of him for it and yes, I did call his campaign phone number and tell them that I saw various people, including little green men, Osama Bin Laden, and unidentified black males all saying they were going to vote against him, but I have not been entirely honest about my role in this whole affair. And the time has come to come clean over my role in it.

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Months ago there was a secret meeting of "known Democratic activists." In attendance were our leader, Queen Nancy:

Me:

A young Christie Brinkley:
JoJo the wonder monkey:A man known only to us by his nickname, which is "The Bowler:"
International explorer and one eyed drunk Nutz McBallsy:

And the Pipettes:

It was at this meeting that we set out our plan for world domination. While I am not at liberty to tell you the whole plan I can tell you that it involves bubble baths, wheels, pulleys, turkey gizzards, a blizzard, the Blizzard of Oz, a boy named Sue, a cow that goes "Moo," some balls that are blue, a shot straight and true, a turn of the screw, stepping in some poo, a how the heck are you, 2 Live Crew, and the defeat of David Davis in his Republican primary race.

We managed his defeat by forcing him to not listen to his constituents, to vote the party line and with his idol President Bush 100% of the time, to take reelection money from big oil, to have a sneering attitude towards anyone who did not vote for him, to be dismissive towards anyone who is not a radical right wing Republican like he is, and to be a giant douchebag. You see, before we brainwashed Davis into becoming the giant douche he is today he was a liberal progressive who supported abortion on demand and who wanted to force the gay agenda on everyone if they were gay or not. But he became our puppet once our mind control techniques kicked in.

And now that his defeat has taken place you can be sure the other parts of our plan are being implemented and soon we shall have complete control over the entire planet! We shall rule with an iron fist as we usher in "the age of the monkey!" The only thing that can stop us is common sense and since it is in very short supply in this country we should breeze our way to the top!

And now you know the rest of the story.