Stimulating?

Hello to all mah fellow Amuricans. Ah have come to to you today with a vury special message about our economy. Ah have heard some of ya'll saying that it sucks and stuff and that ya'll ain't makin' the kind of money ya'll want ta make. Well Amurica, Ah ain't deaf, Ah heard youn's speaking that shit so that's why Ah sat down here ta talk at ya.

This here is maybe mah last year in office and Ah want to do something fer our economy that's gonna be along the lines of what Ah did in Iraq. Ya'll know what Ah mean, something that'll cement my legacy, just like the Iraqistan war done fer mah foreign policy.

So Ah sat down with mah advisors and we come up with this plan. Ya'll ready? Okey dokey then. We decided that the economy is bad due to the fact that they is some corporations that don't own everything yet and also because they is some CEO's who ain't making enough money. So, to correct this problem we's gonna cut taxes on big business so they kin use that money to buy out all the Mom 'n' Pop businesses they don't already own. And we's gonna cut taxes on the CEO's of big business so's they can trickle down on ya'll. What's that sound? Ya'll laughing at me? Stop that shit right now. This is serious ya'll. If mah government is ta suck-cede then we got to ensure that all property is owned lock stock 'n' barrel by the people who know best what to do with it, and ya'll know that's the CEO's 'n' leaders of big business. Ya'll stupid workers sure cain't be trusted with anythang and don't even git me started on the poor. The only way we're gonna git mah buddies out of this mess we're in now is ta make sure they can grab whatever money ya'll got left. Ya'll quit laughin' at me! Ah'm gonna hold mah breath until ya'll stop that shit. Here goes. Aw shit, whew that was tough. Although it was kind of like a free cheap buzz. Ah gots to remember ta do that when Ah run out of George Dickel. Now seriously ya'll, prices ain't too high, Ah kin still buy shit 'n' so kin mah friends. Housing crisis? What's that? Ah gots a place to live so Ah ain't in no crisis. Gas prices too high? Hell Amurica, they ain't high enough if you axe me. Ah ain't done making money off that shit yet and Ah kin still fill up mah pickup truck so no, gas ain't too high. Drugs and medical shit too high? Oh come on, that's just crazy talk. Next thang ya'll will tell me is ya'll want free medical care like them Communists in Canada and France and Britland and all them cold ass countries in Europe gots. Well, that shit will only happen over mah dead body.

So ya'll kin see that the problem is with the working folks and the poor, they all simply got too much money. Mah buds in big business want that money them working folks 'n' them poor are holding on to, so this plan of mine will ensure that this situation is fixed.

What? Ya'll don't believe me? Oh well, I tried. I did mah best to say all that shit with a straight face, but ya'll wouldn't stop laughin' and now ya'll got me tickled too.Hey, it's been fun but Ah gots to go. Mah ride is here.