Monday, December 17, 2007

A plea to Republican primary voters

Hey Republicans, I am begging you to make this man your Presidential nominee. Nothing would delight me more than to see this science hating, evangelical, narrow minded, Moon Pie and Vienna Sausage sucking, gravy chugging man as the Republican standard bearer in 2008.

Why do I want to see this man as your nominee? Because any Democrat will thump his ass in the general election. And I do mean any of them. Even Bill Richardson or Chris Dodd would beat the Huckster like a drum. Heck even the late Hubert Humphrey would eek out a victory in a race against the Arkansas god channeler.

The biggest strike Mikey has against him is his small brain. He has a lot in common with dinosaurs, he has a small brain and he refuses to learn, especially when it comes to science. He actually said, and I am going to paraphrase here, that because science changes and his god does not then he will stick with his god over science every time.

Is that right Mike? You'll take your god over science every time? You didn't take what your god gave in when it came to losing weight. You took what science had come up with when you got that weight reduction surgery, your god gave you the will power of a 5 year old kid in a candy store when it came to food and he/she also gave you the metabolism of a tree sloth. But then you went and chose science to help you drop all those pounds.

The real problem I have with that statement of taking god over science every time is that when science changes it's because we learn something new and we know that it is true because it was tested by the scientific method, which is to say that many people doing the same experiment over time have come to the same conclusion. However in the case of your god Mr. Huckabee, many many many people have come to very different conclusions about him/her, none of which can be proven or disproven. So unlike science, which can be proven, tested, and improved upon, your god is thingy is just an idea, and it turns out, a wildly different idea depending on who you ask or talk to.


But when it's convenient for Hukabilly to use science to back up one of his wacky unscientific political viewpoints then he's all over it and he thinks science is the best thing in the world. He recently denied, along with Frederick of Hollywood, that climate change is a real threat to mankind. His reasoning behind this statement is that “scientifically,” he doesn’t know whether global warming is “overblown." Wow, how about that, in one breath he denies the benefits and use of science then in another when it suits his purposes he jumps on sciences bandwagon, although in that case he jumped on a pseudo-scientific bandwagon that was built by ExxonMobil.

Let's look at a few other of the Huckmeisters greatest hits:

  • He claimed at one point that women should submit graciously to their husbands wills, it's part of his Southern Baptist theology. "Wifey, it's my will to beat the shit out of you and then anally rape you." "Hubby, if it is your will then Reverend Huckabee says I must submit graciously." Riiiiiight. That's going to play well with the ladies Mikey boy.
  • He said that since Jesus didn't stop himself from being executed then that means that Jesus supports the death penalty. In pretty much every version of the Bible I've ever read Jesus spoke about turning the other cheek and forgiving others, not about killing people. And his dad did slip that one commandment in the Ten Commandments, you know which one I mean, "Thou shall not kill." Science didn't say that Mike, your god did.
  • He personally intervened in the case of a rapist who was up for parole and he was instrumental in getting that rapist released from prison over the objections of people who knew he would rape again. When the rapist was released he not only raped again he murdered someone in cold blood as well.

So in addition to hating science when it does not suit his needs, he's got the above laundry list of black marks against him. So now you see why I'd love to see that fat head from Arkansas get nominated. If any Republicans in Iowa and New Hampshire read this blog, please vote for Mike Huckabee. Heck, I'd cross party lines, Tennessee is an open primary state and anyone can vote in either primary, and vote for him if it weren't for the fact that if I voted Republican then my head would explode.

Please for the sake of our country, all you Republicans please vote for Huckabee in the primaries.

18 comments:

'Bubbles' said...

The guy in the big and tall store must have told that family that the stripes would have a slimming effect, huh? Ew.

The God and Jesus stuff is alarming. Waaaay out of control.

Karen said...

You might be in luck. CNN keeps telling me that he's surging upwards and onwards in the polls. I guess we'll get the first real inkling of what's to come in a couple of weeks when Iowa has their say.

Um...why do I know so much about US politics? This is starting to get creepy. I just scared myself so badly I may have wet myself. Just a little bit...

Karen said...

Quick Dr. M! Post something Tom Jones-ish!

Randal Graves said...

But he's a nice guy! If we can elect a senile grandpa twice and have a drunken frat boy appointed then turn our collective head when they steal the next election, we can have a science-hating rapist-enabler in the White House. God Bless America.

dguzman said...

I tell you, if your evil plan were to backfire and this guy got elected, then I really WOULD move to Albania.

What a nutbar he is. And oh my gosh his kids are hideous too!

Station Agent said...

He makes Giuliani look good. Giuliani!

dguzman said...

PS--isn't that Junior Samples up there on top? Heeeeeee-HAW!

pissed off patricia said...

You know what is really frightening, there are others who agree with him. How far down the sanity scale has our country fallen that they would even give a second thought to electing this piece of shit. If he believes all he says, he's insane. If he just says this shit to impress the other 30 percent of insane people then he's a liar.

If he should by some god awful way become president, I too am out of here as is my marine biologist. husband.

Missy said...

Wow...I could barely get past the family portrait! Matching shirts...seriously.

I agree with you, here's hoping he gets the backing!

CDP said...

I'm with Station Agent, he makes Giuliani look good. Shudder. If he does get the nomination, I hope that the Democrats Willie-Horton him to death.

Johnny Yen said...

There's actually a political science term for voting in the opposing party's primary to vote in an unelectable candidate. It's called "ballot raiding."

And yes, it's my fondest dream that Huckabee get the Republican nomination.

SamuraiFrog said...

I really thought Fuckabee could just be safely ignored. But holy crap, that man is dangerously insane.

Ed said...

Be careful what you wish for. I thought Reagan was un-electable and was just tickled when the rethuglicans nominated him in 1980. Doh! Then there was dubya - I figured there was there was NO WAY the dimmocrats could lose to him. Of, course, he didn't actually win, but that's another story.

Übermilf said...

The little girl seems salvageable.

Liberality said...

Fuck Buck!

Jolly Roger said...

Hell, even Kerry might have been able to beat Huck.

Micgar said...

Yes those shirts need to go- speaking of not changing! That family looks stepford-wive-ish! Its scary there are people who think he's the bomb. (he probably would use the bomb!)

FranIAm said...

He is such an asshole.