Monday, November 12, 2007

Tagged again

This time the lovely Anna from Quaker Fruit Salad got me. I'm guessing she tagged me because I'm one of the few non family members who leave comments on her blog. Oh well, I love telling you people more about me whatever the reason, so here goes:

1) Even though I'm not a believer anymore, I love Christmas.

2) I'm probably not supposed to admit this out loud because I'm a guy, but I like shopping. And I especially love shopping in discount stores like TJ Maxx, Ross, and Tuesday Morning. I also dig thrift and junk store shopping.
3) I worked as a cook in a restaurant that my Aunt Rageholic owned for a bit. But what passed there for cooking was making burgers and deep frying frozen foods. I did not learn to actually cook proper food until I met my girlfriend Sparky. She taught me to cook with fresh ingredients and to use fresh green veggies in almost every meal.

4) I used to kick ass at church camp on Bible trivia. My tent always won whatever crappy prizes they gave out.

5) I never liked going hunting or shooting things. It seemed to be unfair to me that I could stalk an animal with a gun and while they had no weapons. If you like to hunt, then fine, it's just not my thing.

6) I was an extra on an America's Most Wanted re-enactment about a doctor who sexually abused some his female patients. The irony of it was that this same doctor had treated a person who was related to me by marriage. The doctor in question's name was Mohammed Ali and he fled to his home country of Egypt after he was arraigned. Some bounty hunters tracked him down in Cairo and they brought him back to the USA to face justice. I think he ended up doing ten years in prison and of course he lost his medical license.

7) The only country outside of the USA I have been to is Canada. I went to Windsor, Ontario many times when I was a kid living in Detroit and I also went to the Canadian side of Niagara Falls when I was a teenager.

8) I wrote an experimental novel about my parents and my early years in Detroit but no one will ever read it. As I was writing it I thought, "Man, this is some great shit. I'm gonna win a fucking Pulitzer prize for this." But then after I re-read it, I realized it was dreadful and I shredded it. I don't consider the whole experience a waste of time however because it taught me that I had the discipline to sit down and write a novel.

9) The second novel I wrote, which is a crime novel called Trouble De Ville,
actually got published by a teeny tiny publisher here in Tennessee. I sold about 150 copies of it and for a time it was on Amazon.com. The publisher was a bit of a dick who stopped publishing fiction and he took down his web page without telling me. He did all that while I was recovering from my heart attack. He has since stopped taking emails from me so I gave away the last few copies of the book I had. I did keep one copy and I may scan it soon and offer it for sale as a PDF file.

10) No matter how many times I watch Airplane! or Monty Python and the Holy Grail, I still laugh at the same jokes every time.


I didn't tag anyone last time I did this but I'm going to go ahead and tag my running mate and one of my favorite Canadians, Jane Austen, Jr this time. If you two don't want to do it, I understand. I'll be hurt and I'll cry myself to sleep but I'll understand.

14 comments:

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Wow, you have not one, but two, novels under your belt? One of which was published? You are the coolest. Makes my measly little short story look quite pathetic.

Dr. Zaius said...

Bible camp? You went to Bible camp? You poor guy.

GETkristiLOVE said...

Yay for Sparky then because the most impressive thing about Cooking with Dr. Monkey is all the fresh ingredients, especially vegetables!

Randal Graves said...

Published even? Bastard! Very cool. You best put that up as a PDF.

Deepti said...

I'm...so...flattered! Sniff, sniff. Will post soon :)

Jess Wundrun said...

Bwa ha ha ha ha ha! I have an autographed copy!!!! Now I will never let it go because one day you will be famous and my book will be worth a hunnerd thousand dollars. Of course, you already know what I have to say about you and your writing: Re-do the memoir. I think it will be fascinating. Plus, you've been getting a lot of practice here that should really help those chops of yours.

Dr. Monkey fans- you really must know that the book involves an evangelist named Edsel Ford who believes the Hawaiian Punch guy is talking to him. Crazy shit, indeed.

Mental note-I really should send those books I promised.

dguzman said...

You're such a renaissance man: political candidate, monkey-rights activist, published author, fry-cook, and TV star. You got my vote.

Fran said...

Jess and I are once again thinking along the same lines.

Who would think that you, Dr. Monkey, could be the start of my "fortune on paper" scheme?

But it is so true.

And publishing houses should be chasing your eloquent monkey ass down... WRITE MORE BOOKS.

Ok? Please?

Missy said...

I would love to read your Southern Fried novel, but I will pass on the fried frozen foods, thanks.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Barb-No act of creativity is lame.

Dr. Zaius-It was church camp, not bible camp.

Kristi-The other impressive thing about Cooking with Dr. Monkey is that I cook in the nude.

Randal-Will do, in time.

Jane-See that you do young lady, see that you do. :)

Jess-Stop giving away the freakin' contents of the book or I may have to get rough with you.

Dguz-I'm a regular wonder monkey.

Fran-I may get around to it sometime, who knows.

Missy-Duly noted.

Suzy said...

Yeah, and we visit her site because we love her. And all of you would love her too, if you only knew her!

Actually, I'm touched that you're such a regular visitor to Quaker Fruit Salad. She's a pretty good writer and I'm dang proud of her ...

I've heard about your novel. I want to read the memoir too.

Thanks for the small window into the glamorous life of Doctor Monkey von Monkerstein!

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Suzy-You should be proud you have such a smart on the ball kid. I bet she owes it all to her fabulous parents.

Freida Bee said...

I'm just about to read a bit of Trouble De Ville cooincidentally.

Yea, more Monkey!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I had to wrestle Trouble back from The Eldest. She tells me that some of her friends wanted to read it.

I told her not without written permission from their parents. Yowza.