Hello everyone. I'm Naomi Klein, best selling author, fair trade and anti corporate activist, and all around Canadian cutie. I'm here to tell you some things about a certain blogger candidate that you may not know. 
Some of you may have heard that the iSplotchy has made quite the impact on the current Presidential race and it has even picked up some endorsements from other bloggers. But did you also know that it's for sale to the highest bidder? Talk about a corporate sell out! Having your next President be for sale to the highest bidder is something that even George Bush shied away from, well at least he was not so nakedly greedy about it. Can you imagine if someone in the defense industry buys the iSplotchy? Or if one of those mega churches buys it? What then? I for one shudder to think about it. I hope you US citizens don't fall vote to elect a candidate that may be a tool of Blackwater or Hustler magazine.
You also need to know that the US corporate media is not reporting on the backlash against the iSplotchy that has been taking place in the heartland of America. The CBC, that Canadian Broadcasting Corp., has done several reports about unhappy iSplotchy owners. Apple will not refund money on these horrendous products that are being made in sweatshops on certain Pacific islands, so the unhappy owners are simply throwing their iSplotchy's away. Some of these people agreed to tell me about their unhappiness with this defective by design product:
"The iSplotchy ruined my life! It's ambient radiation has made me impotent and sterile!"
"After we smash every iSplotchy we can find we're going to march on Steve Jobs office and beat him up for inventing them!"
"iSplotchy? More like itSuckee! This damn thing has never worked properly and now they won't refund my money! To hell with this worthless piece of crap!"_lowres.jpg)
"iSplotchy is poopy! It make me cry."
So there you have it, the iSplotchy is a horrendous product that it's multi national corporate manufacturer will not stand behind and as a candidate it is for sale to the highest bidder. This is clearly a case of corporatism run amok and a case of blurring the lines between business and government.
Thankfully there is one set of candidates who are not like the iSplotchy. In fact, these candidates are the polar opposite of that disgusting product. These candidates are smart, they are kind, they offer real solutions to the problems facing the world today. They will roll up their sleeves and get to work as soon as they get elected. They are not tools of the corporate beast, instead they are the multinational corporations worst nightmares because they will reign in the runaway greed. And best of all, one of them is a pure 100% hottie.
Yeah, I said it, Monkerstein is hot as hell and the chick ain't so bad either! I'm just kidding, wow, look at her working that dress! Man oh man, I wish it was me she was kissing. Oooooohhhhh, Kristi, call me!!!! Who said that? Huh? What?
Sorry, I got lost there for a second. America, don't be fooled by Apple's lies, the ISplotchy is not something you need running your country. You need Monkey/Love in 2008. I urge you to choose Monkey/Love because only a good dose of sweet hot Monkey/Love will make things right.
Thanks! I've got to run now. Hey, don't forget to buy my new book The Shock Doctrine, it makes a wonderful holiday gift!
11 comments:
Naomi just calls em like she sees em. And if she says the Monkey/Love campaign is the one to watch, well who am I to not wish a little Monkey/Love upon your nation?
When are they going to recall those iSplotchies, already? They are the devil incarnate.
Thanks for this informative report. As you may know, we've got an embargo against the iSplotchy being released to the Martian public just because of reports like this one.
I see the Monkey/Love propaganda machine has been spinning its bloody wheels across the American landscape, unfortunately dragging along a well-respected journalist and social activist.
A few short points (which might be expanded later in a more appropriate forum).
1. Ms. Klein is Canadian. Her endorsement of your campaign has the same worth as if you endorsed Pierre Trudeau, or whoever the hell is Canadian PM now.
2. The sale of the iSplotchy is for its prototype, and any influence conferred upon the purchaser of said prototype (for example, personal contact information, including access to a dedicated, 24-hour phone line to the iSplotchy HQ), is completely coincidental and irrelevant.
3. Those images do sadly have some truth to them. They are from a discontinued line of iSplotchy-related products. Those are actually pictures of the now-defunct iSplotchy Widdle-Bitty ™ which has since been discontinued due to some unfortunate incidents which I won't go into here.
Keep spinning your web of lies, "Doctor", and the iSplotchy will keep ripping them apart with concrete resolve and steel pipe determination.
Barb-Naomi is my pick for second best Canadian of the year, you are my pick for #1.
Samurai Frog-Wise move on the embargo.
Splotchy-You are the one who's lies will be exposed mister. Your campaign is losing steam and you are grasping at straws by attacking me and my lovely veep.
Doc, I'll be the first to admit I have no idea what this post is about except maybe the next time the U.S. decides to invade a country it should invade Canada.
The iSplotchy has a great beat and you can dance with it! I realize there may be other issues.
I will give you this- you and Love look rather adorable together. Maybe there is a dancing video in your future?
Possibly.
Wait, what does Naomi Wolf have to do with this?
You can take my iSplotchy from my cold, dead hands!
I just noticed you have the Motor Primitives on your sidebar (oops! Ms. Ether, a.k.a. the Quaker Vixen, just informed me the proper term is "Blogroll." I stand corrected. Again.) Thanks! That could earn you a free CD when the next one comes out. Monkey/Love in ought-eight!
Regarding Splotchy's comment, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with a presidential candidate who doesn't even know who the PM of Canada is.
Hmm... the iSplotchy situation is even worse than I thought! I have heard reports that iSplotchy has been coated in leadbased paint by Chinese child laborors. This cement is no longer grasping at straws, Dr. Monkerstein. He is grasping at rusty pipes!
I can't imagine kissing the iSplotchy. Ew. I'll stick with my hot Monkey Goodness.
Wow, this report has really opened my eyes. While I love and respect the iSplotchy, admire it for its community outreach efforts, and completely support its one-iSplotchy/one-world anti-hunger and anti-terrorism campaigns, I must say that I'm now more than ever on the Monkey/Love train!
Monkey/Love 2008!
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