Rumors and lies

Greetings America! I've got a hunka hunka burnin' campaign news for you. As you know things have been crazy here on the Monkerstein campaign trail lately and you know what? Just when I thought they couldn't get any crazier, they freakin' well did. It turns out that my running mate Laurie David has decided to leave the campaign for "personal reasons."And I assure you it is because of personal reasons and not because I sexually harassed her. Let me state here and now that I did not sexually harass Ms. David at any time and I most definitely did not harass her at the latest Monkey Party Convention in Boulder, Colorado.

My team of attorneys has repeatedly told me that just because I got into Ms. David's hotel room without her consent while she was shopping and that just because I was in my undies when she came back that those activities in and of themselves do not constitute sexual harassment. So there, nah nah nah. Ms. David is going back to working full time with the NRDC and to help Nobel Prize Laureate Al Gore work to stem the tide of climate change. She'll be missed by one and all here at the Monkerstein campaign!

Obviously her sudden departure from the campaign left me saddened and naturally I tried to life my spirits by throwing myself into the wild night life that Boulder has to offer. I dried my tears, slipped a banana in my pants, and donned my best silver outfit and white party boots and I hit the town. I hooked up with the Hula Hoop Hoochie sisters and we partied, crap, I mean we talked about the issues facing young nubile women today and how I could help them surmount the many problems society tosses at young sexually voracious females.

Since I'm not the young monkey I once was I had to cut my time with HHH short and I went back to my hotel. With the selection of who would succeed Laurie David weighing heavily on my mind I walked in the lobby and I spied Kristi Love of Two Minutes in the Box blog fame. It hit me as soon as I saw her that she'd be the perfect choice to be my Vice-Presidential running mate since she has all three qualities I was looking for, she's smart, she's beautiful, and she lives in the western part of the USA. With butterflies in my stomach I gingerly approached her and introduced myself. We chatted amiably and then I popped the question, "Would you do me the honor of being my running mate on the Monkey Party ticket?" Her response was swift and unmistakable.

Undaunted I continued to lay out my case. I used all my powers of persuasion and still she would not budge. I begged, pleaded, and cajoled her. After hours and hours of negotiations and several bottles tequila I gave up for the night. But the next morning I awoke with fresh resolve to get Kristi Love on my ticket. I knew that the woman who puts the "ho" in hockey was the best choice to help me lead this great nation after the disaster we know as the Bush administration, so I went to her house to talk to her again.

After she got rid of her house guests, she and I talked and talked. Finally after hours of tense negotiations and minutes of frivolity she agreed to join me on the quest to make America a more just and fair country for all. We celebrated by going hiking.

So the campaign is back on track and I know the third time is the charm when it comes to my running mates. So please welcome Kristi to the campaign and please feel free to:

Get

Monkey/Love

in

2008!